Monthly Archives: February 2014


I second guess myself. A lot. I suppose it is in my nature. Over time I have built myself into a person who tries to always do he right thing. In order to be that person I have to know what the right thing is. But rarely is the “right thing” easy and obvious to discern. In this day and age there are so very many different paths to walk, each of them saying that this particular path is the right one. I find myself always second guessing whether I am following the right path. Every day it seems like there is a new fact, a new piece of evidence, a new point of view that makes me question my choices and my beliefs.

Sometimes I just wish that I could pick a path, stick to it and ignore everything else. But I can’t. No matter how much I might wish that I could do so, no matter how hard I try, I can’t- I just can’t. I always second guess myself. I always doubt.

Doubt… at the moment my mind is full of it. I am not sure if it is strange, or fitting, that I should be in such a state right now. Because, for the first time in a long while, I am starting to finally feel the ground beneath my feet. Things are finally starting to make sense- everything is clicking into place. At long last I can see the faintest of glimmers ahead of me on the road. And yet, at the same time… I doubt.


I guess these reflections are prompted by the fact that it has been nearly a year since I stared this blog. My first post was on March 10, 2013. A lot has happened since then. I started this blog in large part because Sunshine Mary had deleted her old one, and I wanted to preserve some of what I had written before. Since then I have written on a variety of topics. Yet the overall focus has tended to be the same. Therein is found some of my doubt. If you had asked me what kind of blog this was when I first started up, I would have told you that this was a “Red Pill” themed blog, although perhaps one with a Christian theme or perspective. For a while I would have called this blog a “Red Pill Christian blog”, and myself  a “Red Pill Christian blogger.” But now?

I’m not sure what I am anymore, or what this blog is. This isn’t a Game blog, as I am certainly no PUA.  I’m not a MGHOW nor a MRA activitst. And I am not some kind of rationalist observer, watching it all from the sidelines without a care in the world.  I suppose that, given what Chad, Deep Strength, Free Northerner and I have been working on as of late you could call me a “Christian Masculinist.” Because in that project I find a sense of purpose that I haven’t felt for a long, long time. And yet… I doubt.


I envy the certainty that others seem to possess. That sense of self-assurance that lets them steam forward no matter what. The ability to set aside all doubt. I can only imagine what it must be like.


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Selected Sunday Scriptures- #14

The beginning of this part of Psalm 73 is one that I have seen translated as a question, and I think it is perhaps more accurate as such, but the overall point remains the same:

13 All in vain have I kept my heart clean
and washed my hands in innocence.
14 For all the day long I have been stricken,
and chastened every morning.

15 If I had said, “I will speak thus,”
I would have been untrue to the generation of thy children.
16 But when I thought how to understand this,
it seemed to me a wearisome task,
17 until I went into the sanctuary of God;
then I perceived their end.

(Psalm 73:13-17)

When we find ourselves surrounded by evil it is only natural that we will question our adherence to God’s laws. At least, I find myself asking this question not infrequently. Fortunately, our savior explained to us why we should keep our hearts clean:

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

(Matthew 5:8)

What does Jesus mean by this? He means that we shall see and know God, and He shall see and know us. For what else matters but that on the Day of Judgment?

21 “Not every one who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you evildoers.’

(Matthew 7:21-23)

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“Don’t forget this fact – you can’t get it back…”

Ace at 80 Proof Oinomancy examines the idea of “the one who got away” from the male perspective and takes the idea back to its Genesis…

80-Proof Oinomancy





I’ve said it a million times.

I’ll say it a million more:

I don’t care if you’re a theist, agnostic or atheist.

The Book of Genesis is the greatest work ever penned.



I’ve always wanted to do a break-down of it.

Call it:

Deconstructing Genesis.

But I’m getting off topic, ever so slightly.



Have you wondered why the women with whom you “click”, women you really “get” at a deep level, women with whom you feel a True and deep connection never seem to want you back?

Go ahead, lie to me.

Lie to the mirror.

But you, in the darkest recesses of your being, know exactly what I mean.



Sure, there have been girls with whom you’ve shared a fair amount of interests/attitudes/opinions in your time on earth.

There may be ones [or one] to whom you commit…

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Filed under Christianity, Femininity, Red Pill, Women

Saturday Saints- #4

Today’s Saint is another Irishman, Columba:

Saint Columba (Irish: Colm Cille, ‘church dove’; 7 December 521 – 9 June 597) was an Irish abbot and missionary credited with spreading Christianity in present-day Scotland. He founded the important abbey on Iona, which became a dominant religious and political institution in the region for centuries. He is the Patron Saint of Derry. He was highly regarded by both the Gaels of Dál Riata and the Picts, and is remembered today as a Christian saint and one of the Twelve Apostles of Ireland.

Columba reportedly studied under some of Ireland’s most prominent church figures and founded several monasteries in the country. Around 563 he and his twelve companions crossed to Dunaverty near Southend, Argyll in Kintyre before settling in Iona in Scotland, then part of the Irish kingdom of Dál Riata, where they founded a new abbey as a base for spreading Christianity among the northern Pictish kingdoms who were pagan. He remained active in Irish politics, though he spent most of the remainder of his life in Scotland. Three surviving early medieval Latin hymns may be attributed to him.

As usual, you can read the rest of his story over at wikipedia. Besides the great acclaim that has been given to him for his influence in spreading Christianity through Ireland, England and Scotland (especially the latter), I was intrigued by his fall from grace, as it were. Columba became involved in several disputes, which lead to several battles that resulted from his actions. As penance  he devoted himself to missionary work, especially in Scotland, with the goal of converting as many people as had died in battle because of him.

Often times we think of Saints who were sinners as people who were born away from the faith, or left at a young age, and then found their faith late in life. Such wasn’t the case with Columba. Saints like Columba are important reminders that even those who have immersed themselves in their faith are still human, and still vulnerable to temptation and sin.

Saint Columba

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Independence And Random Observations


Chad has provided us with an interesting tale from when he went dancing last:

All the single guys in our group figured the dancing that night was going to be a bunch of couples. We couldn’t have been much further from the truth. Some women had ‘dates’ whom I’m not even sure they went on a date with, but simply came to the dance with. I say this only because several of the women with ‘dates’ told me that they didn’t want to dance with anyone besides myself all night. Some of them in the same group of friends.

At a couple points I had women I’d never seen before approach me not to dance, but to introduce themselves as they were heading out the door, say they were sad I didn’t ask them, but that they wanted to give me their name and dance with me next weekend. Some women I’d known for weeks suddenly seemed more interested. While I can write a good deal of it off to V-Day, there were certainly both better looking men and better dancers out there.

So the whole thing was bizarre at first, until I realized that with my decision to pursue vocational possibility I’d altered my behavior. I’d talked and stopped caring as much about what I said, but just saying it and having fun. I’d avoided, purposefully, some of the women whom there’s more a lustful tension than a healthy tension in the dance. I’d talked about my faith and the writing at Depths to Wilderness with a couple of them. I’d taken some beginners, and showed them how to really follow and enjoy themselves out of a place where I didn’t care if we connected or not, I simply wanted them to have fun and I wanted to dance. Nothing more. I’ll admit that I did ask one girl’s number, but it was out of reflex. As soon as I asked, I realized she instantly could tell the difference, got lukewarm, and I avoided doing so any more.

Chad, by adopting an attitude of not caring what was going on around him, achieved what some folks call “outcome independence.” When a man achieves that state of mind, he seems to be above it all, at least, so far as women are concerned. They (women) find this highly attractive, and will be drawn to a man who can display it. I suspect that is because it is an attitude that normally manifests in men who are extraordinarily confident in themselves. Or otherwise stated, men with the highest levels of the Power attribute.

I bring this up because his story clued me in about some of my past experiences with women. One thing that always, always frustrated me is that I always seemed to receive far more attention (and more favorable attention) from women that I was not interested in than women who did interest me. This started in high school and continued through college and beyond. At the time, I didn’t understand. Later, after finding this part of the web, I briefly examined my past to try and solve this. My attempts to answer the question revolved around the fact that the women who interested me were Christian women, and the ones who didn’t interest me (yet were throwing IOIs at me, including ones I could pick up) were not Christian. I wondered whether Chuchian attitudes were to blame, but that didn’t seem quite right to me. So I just let it go.

Now I can see what my problem was: I was treating Christian women differently than non-Christian women. I was completely natural, completely myself when dealing with non-Christian women. I didn’t care what they thought of me, and it showed. [DG: In case I wasn’t clear- this isn’t about “being yourself”. It is about not caring what women think of you.] As a result, I demonstrated outcome independence towards them, and they found it attractive. On the other hand, for Christian women I was on my best behavior- I was every bit the “nice Church boy” that I was raised to act like. In short, a Beta White Knight who put women on a pedestal. And it showed. And it drove those women, women who I considered marriageable, away from me.

Since then, I have taken women off of my pedestal, and placed God there, where He belongs. But the temptation to replace them there still lingers within me. Part of me wonders if this is a problem that all men have faced from very beginning. The best defense against this, I should think, would be a good offense- adopt an attitude towards women that is playful and teasing, one that resists placing them on a pedestal.


Below are a few other things that caught my attention recently:

Here is a great comment by JDG delving into feminism and its incompatibility with Christianity.

Reader Don R. has clued me in to a great quote by Thomas Sowell:

“When people get used to preferential treatment, equal treatment seems like discrimination.”

This applies just as well to relations between the sexes as it does between the races, I should think. Women have received boosts for so long they are apt to shriek if one mentions leveling the playing field (for example, by aiming for equal college admissions).

Also, Joseph of Jackson is back.

This comment at JustFourGuys is one that I found fascinating. The ideas that it broaches bear further examining at some point.


Lastly, here are some of the search terms people have used to find my blog lately, along with some commentary:

are men with power and status attracted to women who are attracted to power and status?

Yup. Since all women are attracted to power and status, by definition men with power and status are attracted to such women.

what are women attracted to some men and not attracted to other men?

Well, you might need to go elsewhere to improve your English, but I can at least answer the question. See here.

christian marriage is the same as secular marriage?

Sadly, this is often the case. It is not supposed to be, of course. But nowadays its hard to tell secular and Christian marriages apart.

my boyfriend and i are chrisitans – no sex until marriage but he booked us a hotel room

Ok, clearly the lady who asked this needs to read this post. Then leave him, and start courting, not dating.

how do i know what i rate on a scale of 1-10

There were a few of these. My advice is to consult a male friend who will be brutally honest with you. Actually, several, just to even things out.

And that does it for this random post. Thanks for sticking through it everyone. I may update it over the week if I find anything else interesting, as I suspect my posting will be light until then.


Filed under Attraction, Christianity, Feminism, Men, Red Pill, Women

Selected Sunday Scriptures- #13

I was reading through the Book of Wisdom when I came across this passage:

But the souls of the righteous are in the hand of God,
and no torment will ever touch them.
In the eyes of the foolish they seemed to have died,
and their departure was thought to be an affliction,
and their going from us to be their destruction;
but they are at peace.
For though in the sight of men they were punished,
their hope is full of immortality.
Having been disciplined a little, they will receive great good,
because God tested them and found them worthy of himself;
like gold in the furnace he tried them,
and like a sacrificial burnt offering he accepted them.
In the time of their visitation they will shine forth,
and will run like sparks through the stubble.
They will govern nations and rule over peoples,
and the Lord will reign over them for ever.

(Wisdom 3:1-8)

There was something about that last verse which seemed familiar to me, but I couldn’t place it at first. Then, as I was reading the story of the rich young man in the gospel of Matthew I caught this:

27 Then Peter said in reply, “Lo, we have left everything and followed you. What then shall we have?” 28 Jesus said to them, “Truly, I say to you, in the new world, when the Son of man shall sit on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29 And every one who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life. 30 But many that are first will be last, and the last first.

(Matthew 19:27-30)

While the passage from the Book of Wisdom probably referred to all of the faithful who die for their faith, it seems especially fitting for the Apostles. This is because all but one of them died a violent death (the exception is John, who is believed to have died around 100 A.D.), and many were tormented before their deaths. The first passage exemplifies the disconnect between those who believe and those who don’t. For the latter fail to realize that this life is a mere transitory state. It represents a chance to be tested, to be purified and to be found worthy by God. For what seems like a loss in this life is a gain in the next, which our Savior declares is eternal. Jesus is reassuring the Apostles here that the promises made before will be honored, and that what seems like a sacrifice is really an investment.

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Saturday Saints- #3

In the third post of this series, I cover Saint Basil of Caesarea, also known as St. Basil the Great:

Basil of Caesarea, also called Saint Basil the Great, (329 or 330 – January 1, 379) (Greek: Ἅγιος Βασίλειος ὁ Μέγας) was the Greek bishop of Caesarea Mazaca in Cappadocia, Asia Minor (modern-day Turkey). He was an influential theologian who supported the Nicene Creed and opposed the heresies of the early Christian church, fighting against both Arianism and the followers of Apollinaris of Laodicea. His ability to balance his theological convictions with his political connections made Basil a powerful advocate for the Nicene position.

In addition to his work as a theologian, Basil was known for his care of the poor and underprivileged. Basil established guidelines for monastic life which focus on community life, liturgical prayer, and manual labour. Together with Pachomius he is remembered as a father of communal monasticism in Eastern Christianity. He is considered a saint by the traditions of both Eastern and Western Christianity.

Basil, Gregory of Nazianzus, and Gregory of Nyssa are collectively referred to as the Cappadocian Fathers. The Eastern Orthodox Church and Eastern Catholic Churches have given him, together with Gregory of Nazianzus and John Chrysostom, the title of Great Hierarch. He is recognized as a Doctor of the Church in both Eastern Orthodoxy and in the Roman Catholic Church. He is sometimes referred to by the epithet “Ουρανοφαντωρ”, “revealer of heavenly mysteries”.

This extract was taken from the wikipedia article on St. Basil, and I strongly encourage everyone to read through it. He was a fascinating man, balancing deep thought and discernment with active service to his flock and those in need.

St. Basil the Great


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May The Odds Be (N)ever In Your Favor

There are certain ideas or concepts that never seem to die around these parts. One rather consistent meme that likes to rear its head often is that certain groups have it easy in the present Marriage Marketplace. This simply isn’t true. No one has it easy in the MMP. Some groups merely have it better than others. But no one has it easy.

Despite what certain commenters and posters would have you believe, chaste women don’t have it easy. Sure, they may be the “rock-stars” of the MMP, but the MMP is basically operating in the same space as the Sexual Marketplace. And chastity and the SMP don’t get along too well, as you might imagine. As I’ve explained before, unchaste women have ruined things for chaste women in the present environment. If you aren’t willing to play by the SMP’s rules, its awfully hard to get into the game. The end result is that young, chaste, marriage-minded young women can have a difficult time finding a husband if they aren’t plugged into a network of like-minded people.

This lack of networking is a problem I’ve tackled before. Until new ones are built (such as the one that Scott and his wife are working on), most marriage minded folks out there are having to grope about in the dark. I’ve talked with a number of young, marriage minded women in the months since I created this blog, and they all relate the same kind of difficulties. Being skipped over because they don’t exude a “slut aura.” Being rejected or “dumped” for not putting out. Being told the wrong things by their family and friends. Even, in some instances, of family acting almost to sabotage them. Most of them have no one to help them, no one to guide them, no one to bend a sympathetic ear to. So they end up adrift in a sea of loneliness and despair, with nary a glimmer of light to be seen.

Sadly, it was women (older women with a different set of values) who have poisoned the well for these young ladies. In his post, Ugly Ducklings?, Cail Corishev exposes how it isn’t a matter of men not finding women attractive (although I am working on a post that examines this issue). Instead, as he points out in in his latest post, women are responsible for the current state of the MMP:

Men don’t expect girls to be interested in marriage anymore, especially right out of high school.  What’s the worst thing that can happen to a bright, young 18-year-old girl, in the eyes of our society — even in church people?  Pregnancy.  Not because of the sin, primarily, but because it closes off her “potential.”  Even if she gets married to the father, who turns out to be a responsible provider, and they make a good family together, there will still be people who will sigh and wonder “what could have been,” as if she would have been curing cancer if she hadn’t gotten sidetracked by diapers and PTA meetings.  Everyone except a few oddballs like the Amish or very traditional Catholics is in agreement: a girl shouldn’t get tied down too early, preferably not before 26-28, after college and a few years of establishing a career.

So young men catch this vibe and act accordingly.  The guy who expresses an interest in marriage around typical 20-year-old girls quickly learns that he might as well talk about his struggles with chronic foot odor.  The romantic, marriage-minded boy learns that he has to hide his good intentions, so as not to scare away the girls who just want to have fun.

Unless men exercise total or near total control over the marriage market (such as in Old Testament Israel), it is women who decide the rules of the game. And women have decided as a majority that they would rather “have fun” and dabble at careers than marry young (and in a chaste manner). As a result, they convince men (who aren’t marriage-minded by nature) that marriage isn’t something to center their life around. This, plus the dangerous legal regime that men face in marriage today, means that a lot of men who would have swiftly married these women in the past are no longer in the market themselves. Throw in porn and a history of being treated poorly by women, and many men have simply checked out.

When the costs of marriage are high, and the perceived benefits low, it is only rational for people to eschew marriage. [Minor spoilers to follow]. The title of this post references an example of this. The protagonist of the book/film The Hunger Games, a 16 year-old young woman by the name of Katniss, is not at all interested in marrying. Her reason? She lives under a totalitarian regime that every year forces randomly chosen children to fight to the death. Katniss can’t bear the thought of possibly having to see her children die like that, and so decides against marriage. While an extreme example of incentives/disincentives at work, it accurately conveys how our environment affects our decisions with regards to marriage. Unfortunately, that environment is not likely to change any time soon.

Alas, it seems as though the odds are never in our favor.


Filed under Courtship, Marriage, Men, Red Pill, Women

Advice to Young Women: Avoiding, Spotting and Resisting Players

[Sunshine Mary and I collaborated on a blog titled “Avoiding, spotting and resisting players: Advice for young women. I think we’ve provided some good, starter advice for young women, at least, those who hope to avoid cads and players. I originally re-blogged what she posted, but have decided to post it entirely myself. I’ve made a few additions, which will be noted throughout.]

Given that the risk of divorce increases as a woman’s number of premarital sex partners increases, a wise young woman will not be sexually active before marriage.  She also will not waste her time searching for a boyfriend when what she really wants is a husband.  And in order to find a husband while remaining chaste, she needs to avoid players.

Avoiding players

Why should young women avoid players?  Dalrock recently explained the importance of a young woman not looking for a boyfriend if what she really wants is a husband:

The difference between looking for a boyfriend and looking for a husband changes her original search criteria toward players.

This is true; if a woman is looking for a boyfriend, she will tend to be looking for a man who makes her tingle (feel sexually aroused) with little regard for his character and intentions.  If you are a young woman who is serious about marriage, you should be looking for a husband – not a boyfriend – as this will orient your search criteria away from players.   However, even a woman who is looking for a husband may be unclear on what characteristics and behaviors she should be avoiding in a man.

Young women who are committed to pre-marital chastity and are serious about marriage should learn to discern between players who will actively seek to seduce them and other men who are making the effort not to entice her into sin. Players work hard to get around a woman’s anti-slut defenses and last-minute resistance; a non-player will be looking for ways to help you make sure the two of you don’t get into an overly-tempting situation.

The reason to avoid players, if you are a marriage-minded young woman, is because they are not interested in marriage.  They are interested in uncommitted sexual relationships, something they often euphemistically call “dating,” and one night stands (ONSs).  Players will often strike you as intelligent, witty, and charming.  They will be the most agreeable of men, but you must understand that they have many little tricks which they will use to seduce you.  Many players laugh about how the young women they seduce so often say things like:

I don’t know how it happened.  I usually don’t do this!

You may not know how it happened, but he sure does.  If you don’t want to be played, you need to avoid players.  Instead, look for a man who is himself looking for a wife and not a girlfriend.

One thing that may help with avoiding players is avoiding places where players commonly go to look for women.

1. Don’t hang out in bars and night clubs.

2. Avoid the typical destinations for Spring Break, where players and promiscuous women are likely to congregate.

3. For college-aged women, attending fraternity or similar house parties may be unwise because of the heavy alcohol usage and hook-up culture.  Use your judgment.

However, just avoiding these places will not guarantee that you will not encounter a player.  They are not sparkly vampires who only come out at night, and you well may bump into such men in the grocery store, at the coffee shop, and at church, where they will most certainly be keeping an eye out for you.  Players usually come across as extroverted, friendly, and socially-confident and will approach you to establish rapport even if they do not know you.  This is referred to as “cold opening” a woman.

Of course, not every man who speaks to you is a player, and most players will not come right out and announce that they are after uncommitted sex.  If you are going to avoid players successfully, you need to know how to spot them.

Spotting players

Zippy agreed with Dalrock that just looking for a husband rather than a boyfriend will weed out the players:

Dalrock is fond of suggesting…that if a woman isn’t looking for casual sex, she doesn’t really need to know how to spot a player.  It is an excellent point worth repeating — something for women to keep in mind more than men, really.

Unfortunately, this is not quite true.  There are a few players who have publicly said they try to be honest about what they are after, but there are others who admit that they lie about their true intentions.  Because some players have no problem lying about what they are after, a young woman needs to be able to spot them.

Spotting a player, that is, a man who seeks to sleep with you without commitment, can range from the ridiculously easy to the frustratingly difficult. Unfortunately, there is no single piece of advice that, once received, will alert you that a man is unquestionably a player. Venturing forth in this sinful world will require a constant watchfulness and awareness of your surroundings. Before getting to specific indicators that a man might be a player, it is important to understand that there are two general “categories” of players.

The first is the so-called “natural” player; this is a man who is self-taught.  He developed his craft (the art of seduction) through nothing but force of personality and trial and error. The natural’s abundant personal experiences with women have left him intimately familiar with the fairer sex.

The second type goes by many different names, but perhaps the most familiar is “Pick-Up Artist”, or “PUA”. This man has studied how to seduce women, using a variety of available resources such as books, the internet, seminars and even multi-day “boot camps”. Some learn everything through these resources, while others use them to buttress their existing knowledge and experience. In the latter case this experience, and the skill they have acquired, is far less extensive than the “natural” player.

It should be noted that these aren’t “neat” categories. Some naturals will study what the PUAs teach, and some PUAs will develop a lot of skill at seduction over time. As a general (though not universal) rule the PUA is more easily spotted than a natural, and is less of a threat.

Having gotten that out of the way, here are some possible indicators that a man is a player. Some of them are innocuous enough by themselves, but in combination with other signs should be taken as a sign of danger. [DG: These are not necessarily bad traits, but they can be indicators that a man is a player. Also, many of these traits are what women will want to have in their husband. Careful judgment is key here. Until you have a firm idea about a man’s character through reliable third parties, be careful.]

1)      He knows just what to say. A man who always knows the right thing to say, the right line to make you laugh or smile, is a man with an abundant amount of experience with women. A minor indicator by itself.

2)      He sexualizes the conversation immediately. This means that within the first minute of a conversation the man takes it into immediately obvious sexual territory. This doesn’t mean that he makes a direct proposition; rather he tries to get the conversation to center around sexual themes.  A major red flag.

3)      He gets a lot of female attention. Players, especially the good ones, can easily gain the attention of other women. A man with a constant swarm of women about him, especially attractive women, is benefitting from pre-selection (the tendency of women to find attractive those men who other women find attractive). Players know how to use this to their advantage.

4)      He wears funky clothing. There is a tactic practiced by some PUAs called Peacocking; it involves wearing strange and garish [DG: here is an example. It doesn’t mean simply a snappy dresser.] outfits in order to draw attention onto themselves. The attention and stares this behavior draws are its very goal, as they give the player a chance to distinguish himself from the crowd. This is a major red flag.

5)      He tries to isolate you. Skilled players know that the key to plying their craft is to isolate a woman from other people. This prevents other men from making a move, your friends from coming in to rescue you, or other women from otherwise interfering in a desire for the player themselves. Players understand how essential one-on-one conversation is to seduction. In its simple form this means trying to persuade you or guide you away from the crowd towards a quieter spot of whatever location you find yourself at. A more significant form is found in an invitation/suggestion to leave that location and go somewhere else. The latter is a huge red flag.

6)      He has a wingman or two. Skilled players will operate in pairs or small groups in order to aide their seduction efforts. A “wingman” can help keep other men away from you, distract friends and keep other interferences away from your conversation. Look to see if he has one or two buddies that arrived with him and are working in concert.

7)      He is skilled at keeping a conversation alive. Keeping a conversation going when the original subject matter is exhausted is a possible warning sign. A player understands that in order to seduce a woman, he needs to make her feel comfortable with him. Part of this involves a constant, amicable contact between the two of you. The longer he can hold your attention, the better.

8)      He breaks rapport with you and then reestablishes it quickly. One technique used by some players is to find some reason to break off a conversation at a high point. By leaving at a high-point, your last memory of him will be that positive moment. Then, after a short break, when he resumes the conversation he starts off from a strong position. If a player can do this several times- reach a high point and then break away, only to resume again, he can create a strong rapport with a woman.

9)      You find him really comforting after knowing him only a short while. By itself not a danger signal, but combined with other warning signs this probably indicates that a man is a player (likely a natural). Creating comfort is key to seduction, and if you find yourself comfortable around a strange man after a short while you should be on your guard.

10)  He constantly finds ways to touch you. Touching, also known as kino, is a prime method that players use to build attraction and comfort. They will often start with minor, seemingly innocuous touching at first, such as near the hands or feet. Then they will work their way up, towards the upper arm and leg, eventually moving to the face and torso. This constant touching is very effective, and a man who can get away with it makes for a very skilled player. Be on guard against this.

Resisting players

Guarding against being tempted by a player is a tricky business. Many of them have far more experience penetrating your defenses than you will have setting them up, as has previously been explained:

…the female brain might work in such a way that if a woman were to find herself in a position where she was under the influence of a man with a dominant, masculine frame, the rational part of her mind stops working properly. She can’t think straight. The only things running through her head are base instincts, with desire for the man being the most paramount. If the woman is isolated, away from friends and family or other sources of moral authority who might be able to constrain her behavior, then she might not be able to say “No” to the man if he presses her. She will eventually yield to him.
The important thing is that she might still be a “good woman”, or even a “good Christian woman.” She might believe that fornication is a sin, and that pre-marital sex is wrong, and that she should save herself for her husband. She might be wearing a promise ring, or whatever talisman supposedly will protect her virtue. But it doesn’t matter. Against such a man, without an external moral source, she cannot prevail.

Most importantly, he doesn’t have to force her. Just use the powerful lure of his dominant masculine frame […] a woman simply cannot face the temptation of a Dominant Alpha Maleand resist his charms forever. If her goal is to resist temptation, to not give in, then she must escape, she must move through or past that temptation. In essence, she needs to get away from him. As long as he is nearby, and without other sources of moral authority to guide her, she is vulnerable. This is the central message of Jesus in Matthew 5:29, to remove from our presence those things which lead us to sin.

Most players will come across as masculine and dominant, so if you think you are going to be able to resist them just because you have identified them, think again.  You need to have a strategy.  Here are some quick tips:

1) Use the buddy system. Whenever possible, when in a location where players might be present, go with a friend or two. Then stick with one another at all times. Players need to get you alone with them in order to really pull off their seduction.  If they can’t get you alone, you have largely thwarted them. Remember, there is safety in numbers.

2) Don’t get isolated. While it might be ok to go a corner in a larger room, avoid leaving a crowded room for an empty one. Always have other people present, especially your friends.

3) Guard your phone number. Don’t give out your phone number to a man you’ve just met. Even better, don’t give it out until you have heard about the character of the guy from other, older women and from male friends and family. Same with e-mail.

4) Get a second opinion. In line with the previous bit of advice ask others about a man before agreeing to meet him in the future. Don’t ask your peers this, but instead older women and male friends and family.

5) Stick to public places. Until you have a better idea of a man’s character, only agree to meet him in a public place, like a café or a park. And make sure that the meeting is during the day or early evening. For early evening encounters, always set a hard time that you will need to leave by.

6) Never go to an unknown place with a man. If you aren’t familiar with a place, don’t go there with a man you hardly know.

7) NEVER GET DRUNK. EVER. Nothing has caused more women to lose their virginity or add another notch to the bedpost in the last few decades than alcohol. Drink to enjoy the taste and have a good time, but drink responsibly. Never get drunk, and when going out with friends, make sure one of you is the designated sober person.

8) Don’t drink at all in unsafe environments. If you do drink, make sure it is amongst friends or in a safe place. Basically, don’t drink when there are a lot of strange men around and few people to watch out for you.

9)  Wear modest and feminine clothing. Players prefer to target easy marks. So don’t appear to be one.  If you want to draw the attention of good men, and not players, wear clothing that good men would expect good women to wear.

10)  Maintain a healthy distance. Keep some space between you and men you don’t know well. This reduces the rate at which they build comfort, and makes it more difficult for them to “kino” you. Also, don’t let a man you’ve just met touch you anywhere other than the hands.  Reserve hugs for women and men you know.  And even if you’ve known a man for a while, in order to avoid the temptation to hook up with an acquaintance who happens to be a player, do not participate in even mild sexual contact, such as making out, with any man to whom you are not engaged.

Further reading:

Donal Graeme:

Sunshine Mary:

Cail Corishev

Scott and Mychal at The Courtship Pledge


Final Thoughts

Something which didn’t make it into the post which SSM uploaded was a bit of snark on my end. I originally had a few lines in that made the point that if a woman isn’t sure if a man is a player, she should ask herself if she finds him attractive. If the answer is yes, then the odds are that he is a player. The reason for that snark is of course due to the fact that there are relatively few “Righteous Alphas” (a borrowed term) out there. Those men who are “good men” unfortunately also tend to be “nice men”, which consequently means they are unattractive. Leaving, of course, the field of attractive men to the players and cads. While more true than not these days, it is my hope that what Deep Strength, Chad and I are doing lately might be a move towards correcting that. The key, as it has always been, is to rely on trusted friends and family to help you screen for a man who would make a good husband.



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Selected Sunday Scriptures- #12

Short post today, as my last major post involved a lot of scripture. The first passage is from the letter to Titus:

But as for you, teach what befits sound doctrine. Bid the older men be temperate, serious, sensible, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Bid the older women likewise to be reverent in behavior, not to be slanderers or slaves to drink; they are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be sensible, chaste, domestic, kind, and submissive to their husbands, that the word of God may not be discredited. Likewise urge the younger men to control themselves. Show yourself in all respects a model of good deeds, and in your teaching show integrity, gravity, and sound speech that cannot be censured, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say of us. Bid slaves to be submissive to their masters and to give satisfaction in every respect; they are not to be refractory, 10 nor to pilfer, but to show entire and true fidelity, so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior.

15 Declare these things; exhort and reprove with all authority. Let no one disregard you.

Various parts of Titus 2 are quoted often by Christians, as there is a lot packed into a relatively short passage. Yet I think the most important part of the passage is actually the finally verse. Why? It makes it clear that Titus had authority to teach and to correct, the latter being essential. Paul is making it clear in this passage that there is such a thing as correct teaching and doctrine within Christianity. In short, there is a right way of doing things, and everything else is wrong. This is an important perspective to maintain today when we look around and see “Christians” of all stripes interpreting Scripture to mean whatever they want it to want it to, or “updating” it to fit the present age. The First Letter to Timothy contains similar language:

If any one teaches otherwise and does not agree with the sound words of our Lord Jesus Christ and the teaching which accords with godliness, he is puffed up with conceit, he knows nothing; he has a morbid craving for controversy and for disputes about words, which produce envy, dissension, slander, base suspicions, and wrangling among men who are depraved in mind and bereft of the truth, imagining that godliness is a means of gain.

These verses also hint at another problem, namely the creation of controversy in order to muddy the waters of understanding.

Titus also contains teaching on how to respond to those who refuse correction:

I desire you to insist on these things, so that those who have believed in God may be careful to apply themselves to good deeds;[b] these are excellent and profitable to men. But avoid stupid controversies, genealogies, dissensions, and quarrels over the law, for they are unprofitable and futile. 10 As for a man who is factious, after admonishing him once or twice, have nothing more to do with him, 11 knowing that such a person is perverted and sinful; he is self-condemned.

The First Letter to the Corinthians contains several verses with the same advice/teaching:

I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with immoral men;[d] 10 not at all meaning the immoral[e] of this world, or the greedy and robbers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. 11 But rather I wrote[f] to you not to associate with any one who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of immorality[g] or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or robber—not even to eat with such a one. 12 For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? 13 God judges those outside. “Drive out the wicked person from among you.”

While this is probably worthy of a standalone post to explore in detail, I think that the general point is clear enough. As Christians living in a fallen world, we cannot ever truly “escape” from sin. Facing it is part of the challenges of life on Earth. But we should avoid those who claim to be Christians yet act like they are of the world. One reason, among many, to do this is because they represent a much greater threat to us. Being “brothers” in the faith, we are more likely to let them influence us in a negative fashion than someone who doesn’t belong to the faith. Said another way, it is best that we keep those who are our foes in a position where we can clearly understand this, lest they lead us into sin.


Filed under Selected Sunday Scriptures