[Or otherwise called “Different Faith Tradition, But Same Culture”]
Reader and Commenter Patrick recently left a link to a Catholic blog which goes by the name Traditional Catholic Femininity. The link was for a post titled “Shortage of Marriageable Prospects Among Traditional Catholics.”
To warn everyone, it is a long post. Too long even to even just cut quote from. So I will make an effort to summarize it, if only poorly. All the same, it would be best to read the whole thing. Here is my attempt at a TLDR version:
First off, we have the quotes from another post that are the foundation-
- Too many Catholic women cannot marry, or at least marry well, because there is a real shortage of good, marriageable Catholic men.
- This shortage is because Catholic men think they are ready but are not, and need to seriously up their game.
At this point the proprietress of the blog chimes in, and offers the following:
- The solution to the problem is for Catholic women to marry older men, preferably 10-15 years older and at least 35.
- Because women mature faster than men women will find men their age to be immature, so to find mature men they need to look at older men.
- All of this means that men are just not ready to be married before their 30s in any way.
- If you marry an older men he will love you more for it, and be less likely to cheat/abandon you, etc.
- Men choose mates based on youth and beauty, and women chose mates based on the physical and material security he can provide.
- This dynamic is proven to work! Look at Joseph and Mary! And see what happened with Adam and Eve!
- Don’t marry a man just because he is hot, marry because he is able to provide, otherwise don’t marry at all
- Younger men need to work hard, build themselves up, become leaders, etc.
- If you are a younger man and you think you are ready for marriage, you are fooling yourself. You just want a housekeeper you can have sex with.
- Only a handful of men who are young are there. Most of the rest of you are losers. Fix yourselves up.
- If you are concerned about sexual sin, that just means you are weak and lack self discipline. Learn to control yourself. If you can’t then you are just basically a sexual predator.
- Oh, and women are attracted to a disciplined and self-controlled man.
That is gist of it.
So what do I think of the post? Well, I think that Elspeth, in her comment to that post, said it well: “This whole screed is filled with bad logic and inconsistencies.”
It is bad. Really, really bad. I mean, where to begin?
You have the standard men bad, women good trope. It disguises itself somewhat by saying it is merely about younger men being immature, but really, it is
You have a misunderstanding about the maturation rates of women and men. The author seems to think it simply means men are slow- rather than understanding it means that men can continue to mature past where women do.
You have a misunderstanding about what women find attractive in men, in a bad way. All of the focus on “Beta traits”, while completely ignoring or down-playing the “Alpha” or Attractive traits.
You have a misunderstanding of both Mary and Joseph’s marriage, as well as Adam and Eve’s.
The author takes time to repeatedly trash younger men. I don’t know about my readers, but I sensed real disdain here. Like visceral disdain.
Oh, and of course a complete misunderstanding of, and a downplaying of, male sexuality.
And did I mention that none of this is founded in Scripture or the writings of the Fathers of the Church or Saints?
So yeah, bad.
Mind you, the advice for women to marry older men is well-intentioned, so there is that. Unfortunately, few will actually listen to this advice, so it doesn’t accomplish much. Instead this post, rather than coming across as advice to women, seems much more like an exercise in bashing men.
And that is where the post’s title comes from. Not that there was ever any doubt, but Catholics, even Big T “Traditional” ones, still swim in the same culture as other Christian faith traditions. And that culture carries with it some of the things I mentioned above. The particular expression might vary, but the ingredients are the same, if you will.
Of course, my readers might have their own thoughts on the subject. I encourage them to off their ideas in the comments below.