Tissue-Paper Walls

A few days ago a first time commenter left a comment on an old post of mine, A Must Read Story. There is a small part of her rather longish comment that I want to examine. The key part is in bold:

it’s very difficult to have high self-esteem when you do everything “right” but still have poor luck with the opposite sex, and it creates a very lonely feeling when you follow your values but end up getting victimized for it. Our society is simply set up so that selfish people appear to get ahead–that goes for Chads sleeping with hundreds of women, and the slutty girls having “fun.” Eva is the equivalent of the beta male looking on confused, and just because you can’t imagine a woman sharing that experience with you, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. In fact, most women are profoundly insecure. The ones who are open about it–like Eva–haven’t learned the lesson that YOU perceive all women to be adept at–hiding their feelings and vulnerabilities.

Most women are profoundly insecure.

That little tidbit is the subject of today’s post. I’ve written on it before, in my post Beta Farming. I explained my reasoning at the time of why women might be insecure. Some of my reasoning:

Much of this insecurity comes from the gap in physical prowess between men and women. We men are much more capable of defending ourselves and imposing our will on our environment than women are- at least at the individual level. But whatever its source, it has a profound effect on female behavior. Women are constantly, and often at an unconscious or subconscious level, trying to alter their environment to make it feel more secure.

Having thought about it more, I can think of additional reasons for female insecurity.  One of them is that women know (mostly at an unconscious level) how vulnerable pregnancy and child-raising makes them. Another is that women, again unconsciously, realize how limited their peak fertility and SMV window is. They worry about optimizing that time, and covering for when they are no longer at their peak. There is plenty of room for speculation there, and my commenters can feel free to contribute.

However, I want talk about how the insecurity should be handled. One of the problems with that insecurity is that ill-intentioned men can exploit it. Often times quite easily. And course, it usually isn’t entirely unwillingly. But exploitable it still remains.

At the same time, I think that this insecurity is something that good men can relieve or buttress. They can, in the right scenario, build up women’s confidence in a positive way. This can help women resist that lure of exploitation or build up a wall against it. Men can supplement the tissue paper or paper mache walls that women may have with walls of stone and gates of iron.

Unfortunately, our society isn’t exactly eager to see this happen. Fatherhood has been trashed, both as a social as well as a legal force. Fathers are essentially powerless to protect their daughters these days, especially when they are older. Likewise, our society does its level best to keep women away from actual good men, who though few in number still exist. Certainly it tries hard to keep women from marrying such men when they are young.

Now, what I am saying gets awfully close to white knighting. I will admit that gives me pause. All the same, I think the argument is potent indeed that strong men are needed to protect women- from themselves. But for that to happen men need actual power to go with that responsibility. Our present cadre of White Knights, especially in Churchian circles, is what you get when you take that power away from men. Men become modern caricatures of Don Quixote, assaulting windmills left and right and ignoring the real threats all around them.

I will leave with two questions I want to pose to my readers.

First, what methods can be used to protect women, assuming the necessary social structure was in place?

Second, if that structure is not in place, how can it be created, or what workarounds can be used if it cannot?

 

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25 Comments

Filed under Alpha Widow, Beta, Civilization, Marriage Market Place, Moral Agency, Pair Bonding, Red Pill, Sex, Sexual Market Place, Sexual Strategies, Sin, State of Nature, Temptation, Women

25 responses to “Tissue-Paper Walls

  1. MK

    Something you don’t mention: women are profoundly insecure socially .Any confident man can quickly make most woman look foolish in a social situation. Women know this, both intuitively and through experience. The confident man brooks no dissent from a woman on the social front. She challenges him at her peril.

    Fathers are essentially powerless to protect their daughters these days, especially when they are older.

    A father’s most powerful weapon is disapproval and rejection. Men really have a hard time understanding their own social power regards to females. I see this intuitively when I sing at the Latin mass (men sing one part on one side, and all the women and young boys and girls on the other). The priests are all men. Men hold a powerful evolutionary social status that is actually a little frightening when looked at objectively. The mere look of a father’s disgust regarding his daughter’s behavior can cut very deep.

    A big reason this has seemed to lessen as of late is public school. Dads are removed from the daughter’s community; other men take his place, and girls are confused. But for homeschooled girls dads still hold immense, almost frightful social power over daughters. Forget the boyfriend being fearful of the father, it’s the daughter who truly fears her father’s rejection or or even disapproval.

  2. MK

    A humorous vid that makes my point regarding male power… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rsL-o6Sjpc

  3. The way women achieves security is through investing and getting a man to invest in her. When a woman has the investment if a man, she has the security he can provide physically, as well as mentally and socially.

  4. Out of everything Hungarian Girl said, this was significant?

  5. Ame

    this is interesting, and i agree.

    years ago i read a story about a woman sharing an even from her honeymoon years before. she was looking in the mirror and criticizing her body when her husband pulled her aside and told her to look in his eyes. he told her that she was no longer to look into the mirror for approval of her body but to now look into his eyes. according to her account, she obeyed him.

    which is the other half of that … a man can do all he can, but if a woman chooses not to believe or obey her husband, then it’s meaningless. i often hear of men who are frustrated that their wives don’t believe them when they tell them they’re beautiful. i’ve called women on this, and it’s an eye-opening experience for them. when they choose to believe their husbands, against what they feel, it changes them and their marriage.

    interesting, my first husband honored me in public and belittled and demeaned me in private. the man i’m married to now honors me in private and public. and he’s always honest with me, which is why i choose to believe that he thinks i’m beautiful against what i see and feel. and it’s why i feel secure and confident with him.

  6. Ame

    “Men can supplement the tissue paper or paper mache walls that women may have with walls of stone and gates of iron.”

    love this.

    again … she has to be willing and vulnerable to allow him to do so.

  7. Womens insecurity is fuelled by their constant intrasex jockeying for position. Fuelled hypergamy, they reject associative mating and men that might have been a good match and solid husband are passed over. They might somehow hinder a womans rise through the hierarchy.

  8. 1. Early marriage, end no fault divorce, stop default custody to mothers and crippling alimony.

    2. Significant cultural crisis as western civilisation breeds itself to extinction.

    [DG: Succinct and to the point. And sadly, probably accurate as to the last part.]

  9. It has been kind of a gradual change, but over time reading red-pill sites, I have come full-stop on white-knighting behavior women who are not my daughter or my wife.

    And I am not sure if what I do with those two would be considered “white-knighting” per se, but rather just being a doting father and husband. I don’t generally shield them for the consequences of their behavior (the common white-knight definition) but I now have a heightened awareness of what “I’m having a insecure moment and only my husband can fix it” behavior looks like.

    The Noblese Oblige approach you are alluding to (protecting those who don’t really know any better from themselves) only works if there are built in safe guards and encouragements from the society at large to do so.

    My wife knows, and expresses every day in some way, gratitude for the way I protect her and make her feel special when she really needs it. Its a real catch-22. The gratitude is not WHY I do it, but the ingratitude on the part of society is a big part of why I DON”T do it outside my home anymore.

  10. @ Maea

    Yes, that was significant. At the same time, it was not the only significant part of her comment. There is plenty of significance to be found, even within the paragraph that I quoted. This was the quickest and simplest post I could write up in response to it. Others will take more time and thought.

  11. @ Ame

    years ago i read a story about a woman sharing an even from her honeymoon years before. she was looking in the mirror and criticizing her body when her husband pulled her aside and told her to look in his eyes. he told her that she was no longer to look into the mirror for approval of her body but to now look into his eyes. according to her account, she obeyed him.

    Yes, that is an excellent example of that safeguarding in action. You better believe that the Evil One could have used that wife’s insecurity to draw here away from her husband and from God. But her husband stepped in and blocked that particular path to the devil.

    And yes, a wife’s obedience will greatly affect this. But the same applies to all of us in terms of our obedience to God. He can protect us from all lasting harm, if we trust him. But that is a topic for another post.

  12. Pingback: Insecurity underlies the human condition and reveals our need for a Savior | Christianity and masculinity

  13. SJ, Esquire (formerly Samson J)

    What a splendid comment from the Hungarian lady!

    Men really have a hard time understanding their own social power regards to females.

    This is tremendously significant. I’ve been reading the manosphere for nearly 12 years now (I enjoyed Roosh’s recent podcast on the History of the ‘Sphere); I’ve become proficient at most of the content; I’ve achieved great career success during that time; and yet I *still* don’t really believe or understand that I could possibly have this sort of power over a woman. In this respect I *still* feel like I live something of an Impostor Syndrome (a real phenomenon, I didn’t invent it).

    Nearly all young women are attractive. They OWN the boobs, butts and vaginas that are so attractive. How it should be possible that these creatures are “insecure” is nearly impossible to fathom.

    I agree that men wield a power that is ancient and primal, and I suppose the best way to begin grasping one’s own power is to look at a man that you respect – who impacts you in that primeval fashion. Think about how he makes you feel and realize that that’s the power *you* might have.‎

    she was looking in the mirror and criticizing her body

    … as if to prove my point. I’ve learned that women critique themselves over things men would never EVER notice in a hundred million years.‎ I don’t know why.

  14. SJ, Esquire (formerly Samson J)

    I don’t agree with our Hungarian commenter’s final paragraph. In fact it seems to me to contain non-sequiturs and I’m not even really sure I understand what she is trying to argue. This most likely stems from the massive difference between male and female perspective.

    It’s worth reiterating that to men, yes, that a beautiful woman could possibly feel “insecure” is nearly impossible to believe, certainly far less likely than the idea of someone trolling for fun. Arguing that the commenters were making this mistake because of “where American men get their validation” is reading far too much into this.

  15. Donal, this is an interesting post and set of questions that I think admit of pretty simple answers.

    “First, what methods can be used to protect women, assuming the necessary social structure was in place?”

    The necessary social structure being in place is itself the means and method of protecting women. That “necessary social structure” being the basic social structure of the West up until after WWII, in all of its social, cultural, political, legal, religious, economic, familial and personal aspects. Essentially, it’s Western style patriarchy with heavy Christian and Roman Catholic influence. That in itself provided robust protections for women.

    Second, if that structure is not in place, how can it be created, or what workarounds can be used if it cannot?

    See above. Reinstitute Western style Christian/Catholic patriarchy.

  16. Daniel

    The structure needs to be created in our churches. We have to have a subculture that that provides structure and protection. This means sanctions for those who break the rules, including expulsion for those who will not be corrected.

  17. Daniel

    Hungarian Girl thinks that
    Eva did “everything right” and followed her “values.”
    She had “poor luck” with men and ended up “getting victimized.”

    “Selfish people…get ahead,” and “slutty girls” are “having fun.”
    But Eva is merely “looking on, confused” and “insecure.”
    Thus, her “low self-esteem” and “very lonely feeling.”

    Hogwash.

    She was an egotistical party girl, toying with the boys.
    She spurned her stepfathers care and protection.

    This was not insecurity, it was REBELLION.

    After her stepfather died, she lived with three men in three years.
    Now she’s 30, alone “wandering in a haze” and wondering if she’s “salvageable.”

    This is not low self esteem – the consequences of her actions have caught up and she is experiencing REGRET.

    She never acknowledges sin or repents. No prodigal here.

  18. So, candidly, my first response is, “I don’t care.”

    I mean, I’m pretty insecure, about a lot of things. I’m just not a jerk about it.

    This is an insecure age. Security comes from God, or it has no foundation and won’t last.

    I feel like this is one of those problems guys try to take on because we want to fix stuff.

    IDK why this example comes to mind, but: Moses, and the fiery serpents. What’s important to note is that the people had to look to be healed.

    I once dated a girl who was very insecure, and played a major role in redpilling me. I’m sure some dude has tried harder than I did to make a girl feel good about herself, but I’ve never heard of him. And, predictably, total failure.

    You can’t control another person’s feelings. If you have authority, you can use it to help; but even God, the ultimate Authority, can’t (won’t?).

    Want security? Wait a while.

  19. *even God, the ultimate Authority, can’t (won’t?) if they don’t turn to Him.

  20. In fact, I’ll advance a further thesis: forget womens’ insecurity. Focus on boys’.

    This isn’t like Dalrock’s Slut Island analogy. Here it works in reverse: one good man can support multiple womens’ psyches.

    There’s a family of my acquaintance that attended my ward(parish) as I was growing up. Their children are about my age.

    The wife stopped attending church b/c of doctrine prohibiting homosexual relations. The husband never really stood up to her, and…well, now the whole family has disappeared. The daughters all married LDS dudes too.

    I remain convinced that if the father had stayed strong, his children would be faithful to this day.

    I wrote on my blog a few months ago about a good friend passing away. At his funeral I saw my mission president’s wife. If there is one time that we kind of live up to our “cult” moniker, it’s on our missions. For two years I was in a foreign country, and the mission president and his wife were basically my (miles-away, saw every 6 weeks or so) parents.

    I mention this because two days ago I saw my mission president.

    His wife is a wonderful lady. I smile just thinking of her. But it just doesn’t compare to how much I was cheered, reassured, strengthened, and encouraged by talking to my mission president for a few minutes.

    Focusing on boys and men will pay dividends with girls and women, because men are only too eager to comfort/reassure women.

  21. (I think I have a comment above awaiting moderation)

  22. There were a number of posts in moderation. They should all be pushed through already, or soon, at least.

  23. Ame

    “and yet I *still* don’t really believe or understand that I could possibly have this sort of power over a woman. In this respect I *still* feel like I live something of an Impostor Syndrome (a real phenomenon, I didn’t invent it). … I agree that men wield a power that is ancient and primal, and I suppose the best way to begin grasping one’s own power is to look at a man that you respect – who impacts you in that primeval fashion. Think about how he makes you feel and realize that that’s the power *you* might have.‎”
    – – –

    yes, ALL men can have use power if they choose to.

    my brother is two years behind me in school. i remember one visit when i came home from college … we were at a pizza joint, and i was sitting with some chick i’d just met who was my age. my brother and a bunch of his friends were all over the place – several crowded around him as he played a pin-ball game. from seemingly nowhere this chick in his group came up to him while he was playing and said, “The waitress is at our table and wants to know what to order.” my brother paused, glanced around, spouted off and order for the whole of their group, turned back to his game and carried on like nothing else had happened. he didn’t look back to see if the chick carried out his order. he carried on with what he was doing and assumed his order was carried out. after he’d turned back around, this chick skipped back to the table and gave the waitress their order.

    how my brother learned all that so young i’ll never know, but the point is he *knew* how to exercise the authority he had as a male. he took his role, assumed his role, acted his role, did his role, and didn’t think about it or over-think it.

    i remember thinking, “That’s all it takes? Just doing it?” yep. that’s it. just doing it. if i want to i can take over a group of people like that, too. it’s a good skill to know even if i don’t like using it often. and it still amazes me when it works all these many, many years later. my brother? he’s still the same, alpha male … in his early 50’s, has maintained his 6-pack abs, has a hugely successful business, a hawt wife, and they travel around the world multiple times a year.

    i would think for many, though, it’s a thing one must practice over and over and over until it begins to be natural.

    _______

    “Nearly all young women are attractive. They OWN the boobs, butts and vaginas that are so attractive. How it should be possible that these creatures are “insecure” is nearly impossible to fathom.”
    – – –

    super beautiful women are secretly hated by all other women and lusted after by all men of every age. and if their mothers and sisters and aunts and grandmothers are insecure, they live under the jealousy of those who are supposed to love them no matter how they look. who are her *real* friends? how does she know anyone’s motives for *liking* her? who can she trust?

    ______________

    “she was looking in the mirror and criticizing her body

    … as if to prove my point. I’ve learned that women critique themselves over things men would never EVER notice in a hundred million years.‎ I don’t know why.”
    – – –

    men won’t notice them … but every single other woman most certainly does. a woman can pick another woman apart in a nano-second with one eye covered and the other only half open. women dress for other women more than they dress for men. as has been stated in the manosphere … women compete with other women – some much more fiercely than others.

  24. anonymous_ng

    I figure that when one looks for validation of their self-worth from others, they sow the seeds of insecurity.

    It’s only when your self-worth comes from within and from God are you then able to be secure.

    Along those lines, I once read someone asserting that attractive women despise the fawning attention they get because they know how much their looks are an accident of birth and thus nothing for which they can take pride.

    Additionally, where is the sympathy for Eugene who did everything right and is incel at 50? He’s looked down upon by everyone.

    Perhaps we can offer up a more general proposition that it is no way in the best interests of our consumer driven society to have a secure, mature populace. How much money is spent on advertising with the subtle message that if you buy this thing, you will be thought more highly?

  25. Pingback: The Tyranny of Self-Esteem – Ballista74's Blog

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