Rethinking Christian Marriage-A New Plan

In my last post on this subject, I covered why I thought the contemporary Christian approach to marriage was generally wrong. I explained why I think that Christians and the Church should be promoting young marriage, not discouraging it.  This post is an attempt to propose a few ideas and steps to take to turn things around. I will be the first to admit that what I am proposing is not a perfect solution, and leaves a lot to be desired. Also, there are other issues with Christianity as it is practiced today which will no doubt interfere with my proposals. However, I am a firm believer that we shouldn’t let the perfect become the enemy of the good.

Now, before I start explaining the new plan, I intend to state a few assumptions which are the basis of my thoughts. Some are from my last post, but a few are not.

Assumptions:

-When you mix young men and women together, there will be sex

– Separating men and women from one another as extensively as was common in the past is no longer feasible

-Our culture is highly sexualized, and most young Christians will not be able to completely escape its influence

-Sexual immorality (fornication) can negatively impact people for the whole of their lives

-Marriage is the surest way to avoid fornication for young people today

The Plan

The goal is simple enough: to encourage young Christians to marry (at least those who burn with passion). The following are the steps necessary for this to occur.

1) Teach and promote Biblical Marriage-

None of the points below will work unless Christians are taught from a very young age what biblical marriage means.

This means teaching that sexual denial is a serious sin. This needs to be tied in with point 3 to rebuke sexually denying spouses.  For men this will be especially important, as telling them that marriage is the proper means to satisfy their sex drive is hollow advice if their wives could withhold sex without penalty.

It means teaching that husbands are the leader of the household and that wives are subject to their authority. Feminist propaganda has taken hold everywhere, so it is essential that the seeds of rebellion be stamped out early. Likewise, men need to be reminded to be understanding with their future wives.

Teach the truth about divorce and when it is permitted in the church. Of course Protestants and Catholics have different takes on this, but even for Protestant sects which allow it there are strict guidelines, with converts having a few special rules of their own.

Make it clear that they shouldn’t be seeking to unequally yoke themselves when it comes to a marriage partner.

2) Preach the Truth about sexual sins-

This encompasses both the spiritual and physical consequences of sexual sins. That means Christians need to talk to their children, at a young age, about sex. Then explain to them worldly consequences like STIs, pregnancy, abuse, pair-bonding problems and Alpha Widowhood. After that has sunk in, teach and continuously remind young Christians about the spiritual consequences of sin. The seriousness of sexual sins needs to be drilled into them. But at the same time, sex shouldn’t be taught as something evil. Make it clear that sex can be a wonderful, joyous thing in marriage.

3) Enforce Biblical teaching about marriage and sexuality-

The purpose of this is to reinforce the seriousness, and the meaningfullness, of marriage in the eyes of younger Christians. If Christian marriage is treated flippantly or irreverently, then younger Christians won’t see any value in it. In practice this means several things.

First off, those who divorce in a manner inconsistent with scripture need to be confronted with their sins. If they refuse to repent, they should be publicly rebuked and if necessary excommunicated. As a corollary to this, marriages which are sinful in nature should not be recognized, nor should ceremonies be performed for those whom a marriage would lead to sin (through adultery).

Second off, those who are living in open sexual sin need to be confronted about their sins. First by one fellow believer, than several, but before the whole assembly of believers if necessary. And if necessary, they should be excommunicated if they refuse to repent and cease with their sinful behavior.

4) Encourage young Christians to marry-

One of the significant truths the Red Pill teaches is that “hard monogamy”, or “Marriage 1.0” is not the natural inclination of either men or women. Women prefer serial monogamy, and men prefer polygamy. For both sexes there will be a resistance to marriage; women will worry about picking too soon and missing “Mr. Right”, while men will worry about feeling chained and not being able to play the field. Getting parents involved in the process from the beginning to the end will be extremely important.

Women will need to have the current SMP explained to them, and how youthful marriage is a way out of this for them. Talk to them about the effect of age on their SMV value. It needs to be made clear to them that while most of them will be getting a lot of attention by boys and men now, this will change dramatically as they get older. The best chance they have of marrying well comes from marrying while they are young, when their MMV is at its highest. Teach women not to form “The List“, and instead recognize a quality man when he comes around.

Men will need assurances as well in order to marry. The current legal climate is a nightmare for men, and they are becoming increasingly aware of this. They will need to know that they will have the support of their fellow Christians and Church to back them up if things they their marriage goes south, otherwise they will shy form marriage. Tie in the teachings on sexual sins with this positive support to help men understand that marriage is how they can safely and righteously satisfy their sex drives.

5) Promote big weddings, not lavish weddings-

There is some value to the a large wedding that brings families and communities together. For example, within the Catholic tradition, weddings were public events (and still are). Before she left, Alte wrote a good post at Traditional Christianity which was a defense of big weddings. However, big doesn’t mean lavish. Spending a huge sum of money on a wedding does nothing to ensure the marriage lasts or is happy. It is little better than pure vanity and showmanship over wealth. Neither vanity, nor exultation over wealth, ends well. Furthermore, the more emphasis that is placed on the wedding, the less that is placed on the marriage. This sentiment (a longing for a wedding rather than the marriage) is especially common amongst young women, and so it is important to teach them that the wedding is only a small part of marriage. Another idea to consider is for churches to place a limit on just how lavish weddings which take place at the church can get.

6) Provide support to young Christians who marry-

As a counter to the above point, Christians and the Church need to help out young Christians when they marry, especially the first year or two.  There are a few ways this can be done:

A) Establish a “wedding fund” at church which will help defray costs for young members of the Church when they marry. Make use of the fund contingent on the couple following proscribed practices (like keeping costs under control). Offer discounts to use church facilities for such weddings.

B) Set up a “first baby” fund for young married couples who have their first child. Try and set up a network of people inside the Church to help reduce costs related to a first child.

C) Provide rainy-day funds to young married couples if they should undergo difficult times during the first years of their marriage. Whether it be low/no interest loans or outright gifts, help them weather the storms of life.

Conclusion

Something else which isn’t directly tied to Christian teaching, but is relevant to marriage, is the nature of attraction and desire. Churches need to stop teaching nonsense about men and women when it comes to sex. This essentially means teaching some red pill truths about how both sexes operate. Otherwise, fixing the above problems won’t be much of a help if churches are still encouraging Christian men to be “nice”, and thereby, unattractive.

These are a few ideas on how to help promote marriage among young Christians. There was more to this post originally, but I decided to split it off into another post addressing courtship/dating and engagements for Christians.