A Little Bit of Joy for Today

Courtesy of the Peaceful Wife, here is a story that should brighten most people’s day:

I have had the privilege recently of being able to help prepare a Christian, virgin bride for her honeymoon night. She contacted me with some questions and it was such an honor to be able to share the excitement, wonder and holiness of this time with her and to be able to offer her some words of wisdom about what to expect and some ideas about how to help things go smoothly.

Since I found her blog Peaceful Single Girl recently, I have become quite fond of it. It offers meaningful and helpful relationship advice to young women that is grounded in Christian teaching. I’ve added it to my blogroll under Christian blogs, and recommend it to all of my single female readers.

A couple of paragraphs later she tells her own story about her marriage and honeymoon, which is likewise heartwarming:

Greg and I dated for 6 years before we married. I was only 15 when we met. He was 16. He proposed to me at sunset looking over Lake Murray in Columbia, SC on my 20th birthday and we got married a little over a year later. Our honeymoon night was our first time consummating our relationship. It is one of my most cherished memories. How thankful I am that we didn’t squander that gift from God!

Since the post first went up the Bride-to-be has shown up on the thread as well:

:) God bless. August 10 is the date! I shall then be a peaceful wife instead of a peaceful single girl.

God bless all of you single ladies! It’s so worth the wait! :D

I invite all of my readers to head over to the post at Peaceful Single Girl and congratulate her and her future husband on their upcoming [white] wedding.

[I am still working on my next “Rethinking Christian Marriage” post. Unfortunately, writer’s block is slowing me down, so I probably won’t finish and post it until late Friday or Saturday]

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32 Comments

Filed under Christianity, Marriage

32 responses to “A Little Bit of Joy for Today

  1. Peaceful Wife does offer a refreshing look at how wives should treat their husbands, but as a fair warning she heavily moderates her comments and sometimes censors a few. There was one post in her Peaceful Single Girl series regarding a woman who could not get over a guy who clearly was looking for a “pump and dump,” but she continued to pine for him, ignoring other men who probably would have made good husbands. I said this girl was damaged goods and referred Peaceful Wife to the article that Heartiste wrote about in his post “5 minutes of Alpha = 50 years of pining.” She deleted my comment and blew me off. Evidently there are still red pill truths she refuses to accept.

  2. It might have been the link to CH which was the issue, although I would have to see the whole exchange to really understand.

    I have noticed that she likes to say that God can wipe away all stains and blots. But at the same time I have made comments of my own indicating that some scars may not be healed, and that we shouldn’t just expect them to be healed in marriage. And those comments were not deleted.

  3. I actually referred her to the original article (Guardian I think?) not Heartiste, so that wasn’t the issue. I did say that such a girl was permanently damaged goods, so it makes sense she would delete that if she believes one can really start with a completely clean slate. The danger I was trying to convey is that this girl would continue to pine for the same guy even if she met and married someone else.

  4. Anja

    How inspiring!

  5. Well, we can never know for certain I guess. But with all due respect Frank, you do have a gift for ticking people off…

    [Not that your “gift” doesn’t have value from time to time]

  6. Tis true, I’ve got the gift of even being able to raise the dead with rage.

  7. Elspeth

    The Peaceful Wife isn’t about the red pill. She’s about godly womanhood, which is any honest and Biblically literate person knows includes some red pill truths. But when the red pill butts up against a Biblical principle as understood by a devout Christian, Bible trumps.

    I’m not saying I fully agree with either one of you because I have no context. I have witnessed first hand a woman who was unable to get past a certain man. It’s not pretty,

    But the Bible does indicate that in Christ all things become new and that we can walk in newness of life. Saying that a person is permanently damaged is to question the ability of the Holy Spirit to transform a person committed to a new way of being and living in Christ.

  8. I think it is important that we keep in mind there is a difference between a spiritual transformation/restoration and a physical one. I have no doubt about the former, I’ve seen it. But God doesn’t necessarily physically transform us at the same time.

    If we engage in gluttony and sloth, and gain a massive amount of weight, and then repent, our sins our forgiven. That doesn’t mean, however, that God will magically wave away the weight we have gained.

    Does that mean that someone cannot recover from a sinful life? No. But embracing the Lord doesn’t mean that the worldly scars are going to be healed. Maybe they will, maybe they won’t. This is the truth we need to keep in mind.

    [Edit] To clarify, God can heal those things… but that doesn’t mean that He will.

  9. Yes, I really should have said permanently damaged UNLESS she takes steps to break the obsession. The problem is I don’t know what can really do that, and the suggestions that were offered then seemed more like platitudes then anything that could have really helped. I’d really love to hear examples of women who onced pined for a guy but effectively extricated themselves of that attitude and now enjoy a happy relationship/marriage. It would be interesting to know how they did so.

    BTW, All things do indeed become new, but not always instantly. In Galatians, we learn that God is not mocked, whatever a man sows, that’s also what he will reap. So if there’s a besetting addiction/sin that a person continues to feed, there’s a timeframe for where one reaps “corruption in the flesh” that has to be endured for a season, but with enough persistence such a person can eventually reap what he has sown in the spirit instead. The most obvious examples of this would be losing weight after repenting of the sin of gluttony. Probably a good subject for another post.

    In any event, it’s always nice to see a rare few who have still maintained their chastity prior to their wedding night.

  10. Elspeth

    I didn’t say anything about all things being new instantly, nor did I intend to convey that true healing won’t require a large amount of commitment and work on the part of the one being healed.

    A lot of people never experience true freedom from a lot of things. I know that full well. My comment was meant to be a caution that absolute statements are not be congruent with belief in a God who can do anything.

  11. Elspeth

    And yes, it is a blessing to know that there are still people who do the thing the right way. I totally agree.

  12. Deep Strength

    What is obvious for men is not obvious to women.

    We all agree that God can heal anything spiritually.

    But women tend to gloss over the fact that physical consequences of actions don’t necessarily disappear with God’s forgiveness. I’m not sure why.

    Maybe it’s because, like I said in SSM’s thread, men are acutely aware that we have to make our own way in the world whereas women are more protected and coddled. Maybe it’s because they don’t want to be judged. Who knows.

    Regardless, it’s an interesting phenomena and very few women actually understand the logical nature of spiritual vs the physical world.

  13. deti

    Spiritual healing and restoration, yes.

    Restoration of the sinner/repentant slut to the company of God and a fellowship of believers, yes.

    However, temporal consequences are not always relieved.

    Incurable STDs.

    Giving up virginity.

    Forever reliving and trying to recreate intense sexual experiences with former lover(s).

    Resenting the attractive men for thinking her good enough for sex but not good enough for commitment.

    Resenting her less attractive husband for not being as sexy as her former lover(s).

    Regret and remorse for the “one(s) who got away”.

  14. Here I meant this to be a positive, uplifting post…

  15. Elspeth

    @ Deep Strength,

    As hard as it might be to believe, I take great pains to keep the tragic parts of my childhood out of my posts and comboxes precisely because I don’t like to make excuses for any sins I have committed or even any non sinful but stupid mistakes I’ve made. Trust me when I tell you that I was never, ever coddled and protected. There was no room for that when I was coming up.

    I was held accountable and my father was a very hard task master who understood the kind of trouble a girl could get into if left to her own devices. He was a red pill father before there was any such thing as a red pill.

    To insinuate that I don’t have the common sense to recognize that physical consequences of sin must still be dealt with regardless of spiritual renewal is laughable. I’ve sat through lawyers meetings, court dates, and all other kinds of nonsense that my husband has had to go through because of a choice he made as an 18-year-old.

    Together we’ve had to deal with the scars from my past and there were times it hasn’t been pretty.

    My statements are solely statements of faith in God to do what seems impossible to humans. That is all. Once we get comfortable saying that any person is permanently damaged beyond repair, we are in essence saying that it is possible for sin to reign victoriously over Christ.

    I’ve said repeatedly that I don’t think there are instant fixes and like most of you, I believe that far too many women (and men) use their “conversions” as an opportunity to pretend as if the sins they committed never happen when they have never bother to truly repent or deal with their stuff.

    I do not understand why this is being viewed as an either/or, all or nothing proposition. Why is there no balance or faith present in the discussion. The truly converted from, truly repented, truly healed from past promiscuity are rare, but I am not prepared to say they don’t exist. I’ve witnessed it in women. Only twice, but I have witnessed it.

  16. LOL, it never last does it? But anyhoo, just to bring some positivity back to the thread, I suggest this shopping cart full of goodies to send to the wedding bride: http://smellslikeawesome.tumblr.com/image/57467982888

  17. Elspeth

    I’m sorry Donal for participating in the ruin of your uplifting post. I am done now.

  18. You weren’t ruining it Elspeth. I entirely blame Frank for this affair!

    Dropping the sarcasm, I didn’t mind this discussion at all. While it was certainly off-topic, it was still fruitful, and that makes it appropriate for my blog.

  19. Deep Strength

    @ Elspeth

    I don’t know whether to facepalm or just be amused at your post here.

    That’s why I said “very few women.” That typically includes manosphere / red pill women. I thought I didn’t need to point that out, but apparently it wasn’t so obvious.

    Why even bring your husband’s mistake into the picture as well? Does everything have to be “fair” and “equal” here? We all know that men make mistakes too. That’s not part of this discussion.

    No need to make a blow up overreaction post about it. That’s what’s so frustrating in the first place… women take everything as a personal attack on them when men tend to talk in generalities.

    You pretty much just proved the point.

  20. Elspeth

    Why even bring your husband’s mistake into the picture as well? Does everything have to be “fair” and “equal” here? We all know that men make mistakes too. That’s not part of this discussion.

    That wasn’t my point at all. I only mentioned it because it’s common knowledge that my husband had a child when we married. It’s not about fair and equal. It was just a readily available example.

    I wasn’t thinking in terms of men and women at all, but in terms of sin and redemption as a universal concept.

    See what you started Frank? Sheesh.

  21. Deep Strength

    You know what… it’s actually my fault for thinking women are supposed to be thinking like men. Obviously, that’s not the case.

    But that shifts the confusing part to the question to “how am I supposed to lead a woman in marriage if that’s the case?”

  22. See what you started Frank? Sheesh.

    I told ya, I have a gift.

  23. Deep Strength

    Actually, I take that back. I know I’m supposed to lead by:

    1. washing her in the water of the Word (aka — 16 All Scripture is [a]inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for [b]training in righteousness; 17 so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.),
    2.You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
    3. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body.

    That was easy.

  24. Here I meant this to be a positive, uplifting post…

    Have some fun-ness.

    I entirely blame Frank for this affair!

    Well, of course.

  25. Elspeth

    You know what… it’s actually my fault for thinking women are supposed to be thinking like men. Obviously, that’s not the case.

    I actually appreciated this comment so much that I want to thank you for posting it. One of the biggest mistakes men make is expecting women to think like men and one of the biggest mistakes women make is desiring men who think like women.

    The first step to being able to lead your wife in the way Scripture outlines is to remember; dwell with her according to knowledge as it were. When my husband says anything about how women think, I’m not offended in the least.

    I’m doing a terrible job today of shutting up, Donal. But this time, I’m really shutting up. Promise.

  26. Hahaha… like I would ever believe any promise that a woman makes… =)

    [Is using a smiley stealing Frank’s thunder?]

  27. [Is using a smiley stealing Frank’s thunder?]

    Nah, I think I only need worry if you started injecting “hearts” into everything you write.

  28. Duly noted Frank. Thanks.

  29. jack

    If Frank keeps up the off-pissing, I may be able to announce my retirement from the manosphere.

    However, I’m not sure he will ever reach my record of being banned. If getting ban-hammered was the same as getting hammered, I’d have one hell of a hangover by now.

    Deti will need some help holding down the fort. Those sluts ain’t gonna shame themselves! Although, the auto-shaming slut is a technology we could all get, um, behind.

    Aw, who am I kidding? Retire? There is an ocean of sluttery upon which I may sail my ship of scorn.And maybe I’ll even find the mythological manosphere fountain of youth: A bubbling pool of tears from heartbroken carousel riders.

  30. If Frank keeps up the off-pissing, I may be able to announce my retirement from the manosphere.

    Wow I didn’t realize I had competition. I better up my game here.

  31. jack

    I’m semi retired. I was shaming sluts and irritating Christian white knights before it was in fashion.

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