Rethinking Christian Marriage-A New Plan

In my last post on this subject, I covered why I thought the contemporary Christian approach to marriage was generally wrong. I explained why I think that Christians and the Church should be promoting young marriage, not discouraging it.  This post is an attempt to propose a few ideas and steps to take to turn things around. I will be the first to admit that what I am proposing is not a perfect solution, and leaves a lot to be desired. Also, there are other issues with Christianity as it is practiced today which will no doubt interfere with my proposals. However, I am a firm believer that we shouldn’t let the perfect become the enemy of the good.

Now, before I start explaining the new plan, I intend to state a few assumptions which are the basis of my thoughts. Some are from my last post, but a few are not.


-When you mix young men and women together, there will be sex

– Separating men and women from one another as extensively as was common in the past is no longer feasible

-Our culture is highly sexualized, and most young Christians will not be able to completely escape its influence

-Sexual immorality (fornication) can negatively impact people for the whole of their lives

-Marriage is the surest way to avoid fornication for young people today

The Plan

The goal is simple enough: to encourage young Christians to marry (at least those who burn with passion). The following are the steps necessary for this to occur.

1) Teach and promote Biblical Marriage-

None of the points below will work unless Christians are taught from a very young age what biblical marriage means.

This means teaching that sexual denial is a serious sin. This needs to be tied in with point 3 to rebuke sexually denying spouses.  For men this will be especially important, as telling them that marriage is the proper means to satisfy their sex drive is hollow advice if their wives could withhold sex without penalty.

It means teaching that husbands are the leader of the household and that wives are subject to their authority. Feminist propaganda has taken hold everywhere, so it is essential that the seeds of rebellion be stamped out early. Likewise, men need to be reminded to be understanding with their future wives.

Teach the truth about divorce and when it is permitted in the church. Of course Protestants and Catholics have different takes on this, but even for Protestant sects which allow it there are strict guidelines, with converts having a few special rules of their own.

Make it clear that they shouldn’t be seeking to unequally yoke themselves when it comes to a marriage partner.

2) Preach the Truth about sexual sins-

This encompasses both the spiritual and physical consequences of sexual sins. That means Christians need to talk to their children, at a young age, about sex. Then explain to them worldly consequences like STIs, pregnancy, abuse, pair-bonding problems and Alpha Widowhood. After that has sunk in, teach and continuously remind young Christians about the spiritual consequences of sin. The seriousness of sexual sins needs to be drilled into them. But at the same time, sex shouldn’t be taught as something evil. Make it clear that sex can be a wonderful, joyous thing in marriage.

3) Enforce Biblical teaching about marriage and sexuality-

The purpose of this is to reinforce the seriousness, and the meaningfullness, of marriage in the eyes of younger Christians. If Christian marriage is treated flippantly or irreverently, then younger Christians won’t see any value in it. In practice this means several things.

First off, those who divorce in a manner inconsistent with scripture need to be confronted with their sins. If they refuse to repent, they should be publicly rebuked and if necessary excommunicated. As a corollary to this, marriages which are sinful in nature should not be recognized, nor should ceremonies be performed for those whom a marriage would lead to sin (through adultery).

Second off, those who are living in open sexual sin need to be confronted about their sins. First by one fellow believer, than several, but before the whole assembly of believers if necessary. And if necessary, they should be excommunicated if they refuse to repent and cease with their sinful behavior.

4) Encourage young Christians to marry-

One of the significant truths the Red Pill teaches is that “hard monogamy”, or “Marriage 1.0” is not the natural inclination of either men or women. Women prefer serial monogamy, and men prefer polygamy. For both sexes there will be a resistance to marriage; women will worry about picking too soon and missing “Mr. Right”, while men will worry about feeling chained and not being able to play the field. Getting parents involved in the process from the beginning to the end will be extremely important.

Women will need to have the current SMP explained to them, and how youthful marriage is a way out of this for them. Talk to them about the effect of age on their SMV value. It needs to be made clear to them that while most of them will be getting a lot of attention by boys and men now, this will change dramatically as they get older. The best chance they have of marrying well comes from marrying while they are young, when their MMV is at its highest. Teach women not to form “The List“, and instead recognize a quality man when he comes around.

Men will need assurances as well in order to marry. The current legal climate is a nightmare for men, and they are becoming increasingly aware of this. They will need to know that they will have the support of their fellow Christians and Church to back them up if things they their marriage goes south, otherwise they will shy form marriage. Tie in the teachings on sexual sins with this positive support to help men understand that marriage is how they can safely and righteously satisfy their sex drives.

5) Promote big weddings, not lavish weddings-

There is some value to the a large wedding that brings families and communities together. For example, within the Catholic tradition, weddings were public events (and still are). Before she left, Alte wrote a good post at Traditional Christianity which was a defense of big weddings. However, big doesn’t mean lavish. Spending a huge sum of money on a wedding does nothing to ensure the marriage lasts or is happy. It is little better than pure vanity and showmanship over wealth. Neither vanity, nor exultation over wealth, ends well. Furthermore, the more emphasis that is placed on the wedding, the less that is placed on the marriage. This sentiment (a longing for a wedding rather than the marriage) is especially common amongst young women, and so it is important to teach them that the wedding is only a small part of marriage. Another idea to consider is for churches to place a limit on just how lavish weddings which take place at the church can get.

6) Provide support to young Christians who marry-

As a counter to the above point, Christians and the Church need to help out young Christians when they marry, especially the first year or two.  There are a few ways this can be done:

A) Establish a “wedding fund” at church which will help defray costs for young members of the Church when they marry. Make use of the fund contingent on the couple following proscribed practices (like keeping costs under control). Offer discounts to use church facilities for such weddings.

B) Set up a “first baby” fund for young married couples who have their first child. Try and set up a network of people inside the Church to help reduce costs related to a first child.

C) Provide rainy-day funds to young married couples if they should undergo difficult times during the first years of their marriage. Whether it be low/no interest loans or outright gifts, help them weather the storms of life.


Something else which isn’t directly tied to Christian teaching, but is relevant to marriage, is the nature of attraction and desire. Churches need to stop teaching nonsense about men and women when it comes to sex. This essentially means teaching some red pill truths about how both sexes operate. Otherwise, fixing the above problems won’t be much of a help if churches are still encouraging Christian men to be “nice”, and thereby, unattractive.

These are a few ideas on how to help promote marriage among young Christians. There was more to this post originally, but I decided to split it off into another post addressing courtship/dating and engagements for Christians.


Filed under Blue Pill, Christianity, Churchianity, Marriage, Men, Red Pill, Sex, The Church, Women

19 responses to “Rethinking Christian Marriage-A New Plan

  1. For me, encouraging couples to wait for marriage until they have their life together to me sounds like we are telling them to put the “American Dream” first, and not God’s plan for their lives.

  2. Number 6 is especially important. Marrying young is not encouraged, rather discouraged. There is not enough support for the young married couple.

  3. I’d be overjoyed if churches would simply refrain from teaching anything that is neither scriptural nor true.

  4. Nestorius

    “Churches need to stop teaching nonsense about men and women when it comes to sex. This essentially means teaching some red pill truths about how both sexes operate.”

    And since when churches started teaching about sex?
    Even the word “sex” is a modern creation.

  5. can i vent? This is a general vent. Not at anyone but what i experienced growing up.

    It would also be nice if sex was look as a positive thing.Rather to promote sex in marriage and the blessings that abound from it and focus more on that. Rather than creating every reference or connotation to sex as negative. Every association with sex i had growing up was always negative negative NEGATIVE. SEX WAS BAD BAD BAD. All that was ever talked about was the negative effects of outside relations. What i felt inside at the time. That goes against every truth discerning feelers that god implanted in me. I knew deep down without consciously knowing that this wasn’t true. The fact is that sex is beautiful, and glorious when done in the right boundaries and the men are more alpha keeping the woman wanting sex more than them,Within the boundaries the lord has set. The truth is is that when they find themselves in a situation unintended. When those feelings are being aroused they will think as i did. This feels great. Everyone is wrong. How beautiful.

    My father twiced divorce never did anyone sat down and showed me the pros or cons of marital or premarital relationship. All i knew that SEX IS BAD,,,,,PERIOD. If I even heard the word sex; i immediately started feeling anxiety confusion and bad feelings. Probably because all 3 adults suffered bad sex lifes and both women were huge feminists. My dad was hugely sex whipped and out of the bedroom whipped. Sex can not be enjoyable for either partners if this happens.When the man is whipped,

    Sex needs to be talked about more POSITIVELY. What happens when a woman keeps her virtue and chastity. AND encourage young marriage! Also have special support places for divorced parent children. What will men think OF HER when she DOES keep her chastity, virtue and submissiveness. How they will like her and DESIRE TO POSSESS HER, TO KEEP HER SAFE, PROTECTED AND LEAD. I was pushed in the negative direction because there were no other answers EVERYTHING WAS BAD BAD BAD. I had no other ways to find out about the truth of relationships and sex except through unfortunate experience.As soon as my parents divorced at 7 i became promiscuous. 7!!! Children don’t understand CONSCIOUSLY THE VOID OR THE DESIRE TO BE POSSESSED BY A MASTER. I had no power left. My security was destroyed. All i knew was that sexuality was my weapon. Thank goodness the lord protected me until i was 17. He was still protecting me from 17-23. When i FINALLY GOT MARRIED.Looking back this was all i wanted to be owned, dominated, possessed and lead. And ultimately desired.

    We need more Positivity in the world. If no one knows what “THE LIGHT” looks like. How can they walk towards it. All they know is what the darkness looks like and there only hope is to go through the darkness to find the light. Cause only in the dark can you see the stars. It’s easy to get lost if there is no clear and,bright,picture of what sex and marriage is all about.

  6. @ Jehu

    Yeah, that would be a good start certainly.

    @ Nestorious

    Churches have been addressing the topic of sex ever since there was a Church. Now, if you think I mean a “sex ed” class, then yeah, that hasn’t been the case. And it isn’t what I am talking about. This isn’t about the plumbing. What I was talking about was “what do women find attractive in men?” and “what turns a woman on?” and “Is the male sex drive wrong?”. That kind of stuff. Although there might be some merit to churches teaching about the mechanics as well to a degree, with the degree of teaching related to the age and status of the young Christian in question (someone who is engaged should be learning more than a 12 year old).

    So what if the word “sex” is a modern invention? What does it matter if you refer to it as intercourse, or carnal behavior, or “a man laying with a woman.” Its the same thing.

    @ Mrs. Darling

    Might I suggest that you turn your comment into a blog post? It is a topic worthy of discussion on its own. What I will say is that I heartily agree with you: sex does need to have a clear positive association made with marriage. Protestant sects handle it differently, but in the past the Catholic Church used to be bad about this. But in recent years (since JPII) there has been a real change in the Church’s approach and it has been really trying to promote the positive aspects of sex within marriage.

  7. earl

    The spirtual effects of sin are much worse than the physical effects.

    This goes for both men and women. I would say the lionshare of anyone’s problems in their life would have to go back to a sexual sin of some part.

    It is the most powerful bond a human can have with another human…no matter how much you try to sterlize it. To treat it like a handshake or a conversation has been one of the worst things unleashed on mankind.

  8. This is a really good post, all great points. Number 6 is a great idea because even people wanting to marry young, and acknowledging that they need to marry young, financial restrictions just make it so difficult for them.
    Number 1 is so important, there are so many misconceptions among some Christians about what real Christian marriage entails, and then people enter into marriage with the wrong expectations and attitudes. To make marriage work we have to first break down the lies that much of modern society is teaching people about marriage and look to the Bible about what our roles as wives really are. A lot of Church going women dislike the idea of submitting to the husband and lack understanding of all it entails, it needs to be addressed. For women to understand we can’t approach marriage from a modern perspective, we have to approach it from a Biblical perspective.

  9. The Ringmistress

    For those raising children, not getting locked into a mentality of “college, then job, then life” is critical. Entrepreneurship, for both men and women, offers an opportunity to be able to support a family at a much younger age, and for women allows the option of being at home with children while making a contribution to household finances.

  10. Kate

    I disagree with points number 5 and 6. Churches should be educating couples on how to have the simplest low cost wedding possible. What is the bare minimum expense needed to get married. It doesn’t need to be any more expensive than the cost of a marriage license and whatever fees are required by the church. A wedding gown and a tux aren’t necessary, but sometimes a couple simply needs to be told that.

    I’m not sure how you can ultimately control “lavish” without looking at receipts. The priest that married us would never desire to get to that level of micromanagement. Even so, a church isn’t going to place restrictions on the wealthiest members who also happen to be big donors.

    A big wedding will always cost more than a small one, when you factor in costs associated with the reception. Having a smaller wedding is the first place to start in keeping costs under control.

  11. Anja

    I have to agree with Kate here. I’ve read the recommended post about why big weddings are a good idea and while I see the writer’s point, it’s getting married that is crucial, not how you do it (I mean appearances by that, not the significance of the ceremony itself).

  12. Pingback: Lightning Round – 2013/08/14 | Free Northerner

  13. In this post I discuss women and chemicals.

    “However, oxytocin isn’t only released during intimate contact. Physical touch, holding hands, kissing and simple body contact causes a release of oxytocin which results in feelings of pleasure and leads to pair-bonding when a couple is dating. Even a strong physical attraction to a man can cause a release of oxytocin.”

    In teaching biblical marriage, meditate on Proverbs 5:19. It’s all about the oxytocin and prolactin.

  14. I happen to agree with the part of encouraging young Christians to marry but, in the bible belt where I live there are young people “claiming” to be god fearing Christians yet, they live in a matter that violates god’s laws. One of them engaging in premarital sex, why? They see nothing wrong with it. They should read the following scriptures to see how their actions are wrongful: COLOSSIANS 3:5, Numbers 22:1-7; 31:15, 16; Revelation 2:14, Numbers 25:1-9,Hebrews 3:12, 1 Corinthians 10:8, 1 Corinthians 10:11,2 Corinthians 2:11,Numbers 25:6, 14; Jude 4, 1 Corinthians 6:18, 1 Corinthians 6:9; Revelation 22:15,Galatians 6:7, 8,Romans 1:24-27; Ephesians 4:19, James 1:14, 15, Matthew 5:29, 30,Colossians 3:5, Psalm 68:19, 2 Corinthians 4:7; 1 Corinthians 9:27, Proverbs 4:23, Job 31:1, Psalm 119:37, Proverbs 13:20; 1 Corinthians 15:33, Genesis 34:1, Leviticus 18:6-25, Genesis 34:18, 19, Genesis 34:1-4, Genesis 34:7, 25-31; Galatians 6:7, 8, Proverbs 13:20a, Proverbs 2:6-9; Psalm 1:1-3, Matthew 24:45; James 1:5, 2 Kings 22:18, 19,Jeremiah 17:9, Proverbs 28:26, Proverbs 22:3; Matthew 6:13; 26:41, Genesis 30:20-24, Genesis 39:7-12, Genesis 39:8, 9, Proverbs 27:11, Genesis 41:39-49, Psalm 97:10, Amos 5:15,Hebrews 11:25, Proverbs 10:22, Romans 7:21-25, Psalm 103:14, Psalm 86:5; James 5:16; Proverbs 28:13, Ephesians 4:8, 12; James 5:14, 15, Proverbs 15:32, Proverbs 7:7, Proverbs 7:6-23, Proverbs 19:8, Psalm 19:7-10; Isaiah 48:17, 18, Psalm 34:8; Philippians 4:8, 9, Isaiah 64:8, Proverbs 5:18, Numbers 25:4, 5, Proverbs 7:6-23, Psalm 97:10, Matthew 5:27, 28, Proverbs 22:3, Matthew 5:29, 30, Proverbs 1:8, 9; Galatians 6:1, 2, Proverbs 3:5, 6; James 1:5.

    It is a shame that there are so many young people out here that have sexual intercourse from person to person and, then have STI’s and STDS that they cannot get rid of. In addition they have a harder time dealing with those that are chaste when developing a relationship because there are men and women out here that ask twenty questions to those that engaged in premarital sex and, have children. There are so many things parents never told their children yet, the consequences to many are not seen.

  15. That is happening everywhere Peaceful, not just the Biblebelt. These young folks call themselves “Christians”, but they aren’t. The term “Churchians” fits them well: they go to Church for the social experience, but don’t actually practice or believe anything which is preached. I much prefer the company of atheists or agnostics than Churchians, I cannot stand hypocrisy.

  16. I cannot stand it either, then you would hate places like High Point, NC because High Point NC is number one in Guilford county North Carolina where many are engaging in all sorts of premarital sins. Next comes where I live Greensboro, NC and Greensboro has the highest AIDS infected people. The female whom are African-American and African-American decent which has been confirmed to have Aids which is 89% between the ages of 15 to 30. Men of African-American and African-American decent have a confirmed Aids of 95% affecting ages between 13 to 45 and older.

    Its a true shame because they could be enjoying their lives but, they have something they can’t get rid of. I am watching the news now and there are other higher STI and STD rating in Guilford county which is higher than both the state and national average.

    This is why I wrote about that post gentleman versus player. I find those last three things to be ways of keeping these men whom are more than likely to have an STI or STD to keep a bay.

    Its scary because you never know who has it and, 99% of the people who do have it are not telling because they want to have one session and, then leave.

    I have come across many men that ask me “If I am virgin” and if I want to have sex with them. What’s crazy some of those guys try to get their female friends to coax me into doing it, it does not work.

    It makes being a virgin very hard and, I find it safer to not leave the house after a certain time and not to be out later than 9 pm because after that trouble brews.

  17. It makes being a virgin very hard and, I find it safer to not leave the house after a certain time and not to be out later than 9 pm because after that trouble brews.

    You are a prudent young lady Peaceful. I am sorry that you have to take such precautions, it is a broken world that we live in. It is never easy to live a virtuous life, but to do so now? These are trying times indeed.

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