Masculine Monday- #7

*Men Only*

If you are a young man in the West right now, I don’t envy you. The culture is at best apathetic to your existence, and at worst downright hostile. And if you are a young man who wants to marry in this day and age, well then… you are truly up #$^ creek without a paddle. Lets cut to the chase here. Young women these days are, for the most part, awful.

Their attitudes? Unbearable.

Their behavior? Often unmentionable.

Their desire for marriage? Low.

Their capacity to honor their word? Most non-existent.

And on and on.

Good women who want to marry are few and far between, and their aren’t nearly enough of them to go around. This means that many young men who want to marry will have to choose one of these two options:

  1. Refuse to marry because no worthy women are available
  2. Lower their standards in order to marry

This is a difficult choice to make, and nothing I can say will make it any less difficult. I sympathize with those going through this. How could I not, as I am going through it myself? As a matter of recommendation I would suggest the first course of action, but I won’t belittle a man who chooses the second.

At the same time, a man who makes that decision shouldn’t ever feel pressured into doing it. Which brings me to the point of this post:

Men, you are never obligated to buy damaged goods.

No matter what someone tells you, no matter how much they encourage or pressure or cajole you, you do not have a duty to make a woman “honest” by marrying her.

It is not now, and it never will be, your job to rescue a woman from her past mistakes.

When you marry someone you are basically intertwining them with pretty much every thread of your life. The consequences can’t be overstated. So you owe it to yourself, not to mention the people who rely on you, to marry well.

If you choose to lower your standards on your own, that’s fine. But don’t let anyone tell you that you have to do it. Or that you are a wicked person if you don’t. This goes especially for Christian men.

Don’t let Churchian leaders try and guilt you into marrying a low value. They don’t have your best interests at heart. They either are beholden to women and serve them, not God, or they merely see you as a janitor whose job is to clean up the trash. If they make you feel unwelcome if you resist, then find a new church.

Don’t let people use words like charity or forgiveness to try and trip you up. Remember, marriage is about building a relationship with another person and God, about bringing children into the world and raising them right, and it is about you and your wife getting to heaven. Marrying poorly will help you in none of these.

So refuse to be steamrolled into marrying poorly. Marriage affects everything about you, including your soul. Marry wisely, and marry under your own direction, not that of others.

19 My child, keep sound the bloom of your youth,
    and do not give your strength to strangers.
20 Seek a fertile field within the whole plain,
    and sow it with your own seed, trusting in your fine stock.
21 So your offspring will prosper,
    and, having confidence in their good descent, will grow great.
22 A prostitute is regarded as spittle,
    and a married woman as a tower of death to her lovers.
23 A godless wife is given as a portion to a lawless man,
    but a pious wife is given to the man who fears the Lord.
24 A shameless woman constantly acts disgracefully,
    but a modest daughter will even be embarrassed before her husband.
25 A headstrong wife is regarded as a dog,
    but one who has a sense of shame will fear the Lord.
26 A wife honoring her husband will seem wise to all,
    but if she dishonors him in her pride she will be known to all as ungodly.
    Happy is the husband of a good wife;
    for the number of his years will be doubled.
27 A loud-voiced and garrulous wife is like a trumpet sounding the charge,
    and every person like this lives in the anarchy of war.

(Sirach 26:19-27)

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20 Comments

Filed under Blue Pill, Christianity, Churchianity, Marriage, Marriage Market Place, Masculinity, The Church, Women

20 responses to “Masculine Monday- #7

  1. Michael Kozaki

    Refuse to marry or Lower their standards…I suggest the first

    First, I think the real debate is on what those standards should be. Too high of standards? I doubt most of us would have ever been born.
    Second, among the higher-educated and religious, women are better. Not great, but better. Intense competition for such women, for sure.
    Third, I like the realism of this post. But I feel a lack of hope This is a good life, no matter what a man chooses on the marriage front.

    To answer my first point: any high-quality person of decent looks who is honest about their (limited) moral mistakes meets my standards.

    If you are a young man in the West

    The solution defines itself: look to girls outside of the West. God gave us the internet exactly on time. Men from high-income nations are in marriage demand, a mirror image of Western women. NO women in the world worth marrying? Look at expectations and effort invested. I do agree American women are a special kind of ugly and I would proceed with caution.

    Typo in the post: and their aren’t
    Btw: you might delay the “tues tips” so we have time to fully comment on this one.

  2. I would say that, in. The circumstances, the one trait I would look for is docility/submissiveness. A woman with little skills or mistakes in her past can be led forward by a husband willing to shepherd his wife. It will take more work, but thats what it takes in today’s world.

    [DG: I am in general agreement with you on this.]

    To be clear, I mean the kind of submission where if she crosses a line and you tell her to go outside and walk around the house, she does so without argument. My fiance didn’t start there, but got there quickly.

    Such kind of submission means I can trust my instincts on leadership, and that she trusts them as well. This can apply to social situations, religious matters, or simply telling her to go for a walk so one/both of us can cool down. It is without price, and the foundation for a good marriage in times of trial as well as blessings

  3. One hand I agree with you. On the other hand I think it’s too negative. I agree that if you’re a man (unless you had a father like Donald Trump) you probably had no one on your side growing up who really wanted to you win and there’s no one is on your side now who really wants you to win. On the other hand, once you realize this and accept it, I don’t personally think it’s all that bad. You have to be cautious and look after your interests, but that’s been par for men throughout history. And then, also, a wife is subject to her husband not because of religious doctrines or smart social policies that say so but because of natural law written on the human heart.

  4. @ Michael

    First, I think the real debate is on what those standards should be.

    Not sure about the only real debate, but it certainly is *a* debate. One I’ve held on this blog before, mind you.

    https://donalgraeme.wordpress.com/2014/09/11/reality-versus-reason/

    Too high of standards? I doubt most of us would have ever been born.

    I don’t necessarily disagree. But at the same time, so what? This is the present/future we are talking about. Just because people were foolish in the past doesn’t mean we should be foolish now.

    Second, among the higher-educated and religious, women are better. Not great, but better. Intense competition for such women, for sure.

    Agreed. And as I said before, not enough to go around.

    Third, I like the realism of this post. But I feel a lack of hope This is a good life, no matter what a man chooses on the marriage front.

    Hope is for another post.

    The solution defines itself: look to girls outside of the West. God

    Yeah, probably the only option for most.

    Thanks for the tip about the typo, I will get it soon. And I will delay the post until next week.

  5. @ Patrick

    You have to be cautious and look after your interests, but that’s been par for men throughout history.

    While I agree that many men had no one to look out for them, at the same time they didn’t haven an organized society out to get them like today.The environment was friendlier in some respects. Not necessarily fun or easy, but without the present pitfalls.

    I do think you downplay how bad the situation is, but at the same time I don’t think it means that life is necessarily an utter waste. At least, not for disciples of Christ. If we cannot fulfill the vocation of marriage, we can instead devote time to building up spiritual treasure.

  6. A Visitor

    “Men, you are never obligated to buy damaged goods.”

    EXACTLY! Just to throw my 2¢ in here. Remember guys if she’s had (depending on the previous man) one or several sexual partners pre-you, it’ll make pair bonding that much harder. Said bonding is an important part of marriage.

    Months ago I was at a social function talking with a friend and an acquaintance. When I pointed out a Biblical passage necessitating sexual relations as part of a healthy marriage, they were both stunned (neither had heard them before) but both did like the idea.

    “While I agree that many men had no one to look out for them, at the same time they didn’t haven an organized society out to get them like today.”

    On the flip side, as Kozaki said the Internet arrived for us at just the right time. Imagine how many of us would still be following misguided advice. True, the society is more out to get us but at the same time we’re better prepared to counter it.

    [DG: Yes, the ‘Net did show up at the right time. I would be much worse off without it. Unbelievably so.]

  7. LawDog

    This post struck me as I had a similar conversation with a friend on this subject last night. I too am stuck in this conundrum. I’d love to marry and have children, but I honestly do not know how that’s possible today. I experienced frivorce around five years ago, and in spite of that I’d still entertain getting married again. However, it really is bleak out there. I can think of one woman I have met over the past few years who might, and I stress might, be a decent bet for longer term investment. The rest I have met are almost universally walking comically true examples of ‘sphere cliches.

    I’m in my mid-30s, and am slowly resigning myself to the fact that I likely won’t have a wife and/or children. I’m grateful, as some referenced in the comments, to have found like-minded men encountering the same struggles via this blog and others like it.

    Keep the good work, Donal, and good luck fellas.

    [DG: Welcome to the blog, and thank you for sharing your story. Sorry that you had to experience it all the hard way.]

  8. Michael Kozaki

    Donal: But at the same time, so what? Just because people were foolish in the past doesn’t mean we should be foolish now.

    I mean: I’m glad I was born, yet doubt my mom was a virgin at marriage (not even RC). So I’m glad my dad was foolish! We have three rotten generations now. We are being tested. Expect a real mess.

    News Flash: RC marriage is for fools. Risk: extreme. No parachute. No birth control. Want a less-foolish marriage? Go Orthodox, Prot, Pagan. Single. Those are progressively less foolish. But you get what you pay for.

    Let’s be clear: Every person is damaged goods. Yes, marriage demands careful and critical analysis of how damaged the goods are. But she will disappoint. You will be way better than her. Seriously. And I’m happily married 2 decades 1/2 as many kids later. Soak that in.

    A Visit: When I pointed out a Biblical passage necessitating sexual relations as part of a healthy marriage, they were stunned

    Look, less than 1/2% know their bible of choice (being generous). Less than 1/10 of those know the original languages. Less than 1/10 of those are smart and/or honest enough to make an intelligent interpretation. Of course nobody knows their bible, even if they think they do. Not you, nor I. Feature, not bug.

    What’s funny? The Church (Western Europe) required consummation of marriage…plus to be open to life…for any marriage to even be valid! Not hard to figure out sex is mandatory. And yet people think their personal interpretation of the bible is a logical guide for a social lifelong contract? What if the other person reads it different on sex ten years from now? Crazy idea, using the bible as a marriage guide without a third party to interpret it.

  9. Pedat Ebediyah

    It’s ironic that you got trolled for this post by InsanityBytes..who didn’t even have the decency to trackback on your post.

    https://insanitybytes2.wordpress.com/2016/04/20/not-a-masculine-monday-at-all/

  10. @ Michael

    Let’s be clear: Every person is damaged goods. Yes, marriage demands careful and critical analysis of how damaged the goods are.

    Yes, we all have damage. I hope I wasn’t indicating otherwise. But as you suggest, there is a huge difference between some scrapes and scuffs, and major engine problems on an auto. Same with people.

    But she will disappoint.

    We all disappoint.

    You will be way better than her. Seriously. And I’m happily married 2 decades 1/2 as many kids later. Soak that in.

    Man, and people call me cynical. The sad part is that I suspect you are probably right….

  11. It’s ironic that you got trolled for this post by InsanityBytes..who didn’t even have the decency to trackback on your post.

    Oh she did. I just didn’t allow it through. She is currently on an enforced vacation from this blog, until she apologies for her earlier misbehavior.

  12. Very nice essay. Good advice

  13. Pingback: Consider the puppy, learn his lesson – Moose Norseman

  14. tz

    Unless “you broke it you bought it” damage.
    Good women who want to marry – redundant. Others are Nun-existent.
    Jesus after mentioning the indissolubility of Marriage confirmed his disciples reaction “it is better not to marry”.
    What has happened is the rebellious woman is now the norm, and it is hard to break such habits (even when the woman wants to). It is easy when there are models and templates – Ozzy and Harriet, Leave it to Beaver. Idealistic? Perhaps but it is best to aim at a high target. Now the models and templates image life in hell (literally – the selfishness, mockery, etc.).
    I moved to Wyoming. It has at least two Catholic gems, Wyoming Catholic College (that bans cell phones but encourages open carry), and St. Barbara’s with St. Anthony’s in Cody and a new beautiful monastery near Meeteese (Mystic Monks coffee) in progress. Latin mass, but even daily mass is well attended, lots of men, and women with veils. It helps when you don’t try to catch a fish in a desert. The other Christians are similarly traditional. One can only know the extent of the freak show when you move to a place that is shockingly normal.

  15. Pingback: A Fixer-Upper | Donal Graeme

  16. “She (Insanity) is currently on an enforced vacation from this blog, until she apologies for her earlier misbehavior.”

    Has InsanityBytes ever apologized to anyone, much less a “Red Pill” or whatever designation she uses?

  17. Pingback: The free will to marry | Christianity and the manosphere

  18. While I agree no man is obliged to buy damaged goods, I think he is obliged to accept a You Break It–You Buy It rule.

    [DG: As a general, but not universal, rule, I tend to agree.]

  19. Anonymous Reader

    Pedat Ebediyah what are you doing wasting your time looking at Bites blog?

  20. Pingback: This Week in Reaction (2016/04/24) - Social Matter

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