Selected Sunday Scriptures- #28

Today is Father’s Day in the United States, and so in honor of that I decided to focus on this passage from the Book of Sirach:

Listen to me your father, O children;
    and act accordingly, that you may be kept in safety.
² For the Lord honored the father above the children,
    and he confirmed the right of the mother over her sons.
³ Whoever honors his father atones for sins,
⁴     and whoever glorifies his mother is like one who lays up treasure.
⁵ Whoever honors his father will be gladdened by his own children,
    and when he prays he will be heard.
⁶ Whoever glorifies his father will have long life,
    and whoever obeys the Lord will refresh his mother;
⁷     he will serve his parents as his masters.
⁸ Honor your father by word and deed,
    that a blessing from him may come upon you.
⁹ For a father’s blessing strengthens the houses of the children,
    but a mother’s curse uproots their foundations.

¹⁰ Do not glorify yourself by dishonoring your father,
    for your father’s dishonor is no glory to you.
¹¹ For a man’s glory comes from honoring his father,
    and it is a disgrace for children not to respect their mother.
¹² O son, help your father in his old age,
    and do not grieve him as long as he lives;
¹³ even if he is lacking in understanding, show forbearance;
    in all your strength do not despise him.
¹⁴ For kindness to a father will not be forgotten,
    and against your sins it will be credited to you;
¹⁵ in the day of your affliction it will be remembered in your favor;
    as frost in fair weather, your sins will melt away.
¹⁶ Whoever forsakes his father is like a blasphemer,
    and whoever angers his mother is cursed by the Lord.

(Sirach 3:1-16)

Saint Paul builds upon this in his Letter to the Ephesians:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ² “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), ³ “that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth.”

(Ephesians 6:1-3)

There really isn’t much room for commentary here. Scripture is clear that we are to honor our parents, and although the holiday is a secular one (that largely exists to sell cards), that doesn’t mean we cannot use it a reminder to honor our fathers. This is so whether they live or not- for even if they have gone to sleep we still can honor their memory through our lives, as how we live reflects on them.

[Incidentally, I think that they handled this well at Mass. Father’s Day wasn’t mentioned until the end, and when it was, it was treated both respectfully and briefly. Just the way it should be.]

We Have A Winner!

Over a week ago I gave my readers a chance to vote on a Gravatar image for me. Originally I planned on keeping voting open for just one week, but decided to allow an extra weekend for last minute votes. That time has since passed, and voting is now closed. That of course means we have a winner! And the winner is…

Armor of God– Courtesy of Amanda

Thank you to everyone who voted, and everyone who provided an image for my readers to consider. Armor of God received 9 votes, and close behind it was the Sword of the Lord, receiving 8 votes. I may post a complete tally later if folks are interested.

Saturday Saints- #16

For today’s post we return to England, as today’s saint is Saint Oswald of Northumbria:

Oswald (c 604 – 5 August 642) was King of Northumbria from 634 until his death, and was venerated as a saint in the Middle Ages.

Oswald was the son of Æthelfrith of Bernicia and came to rule after spending a period in exile; after defeating the British ruler Cadwallon ap Cadfan, Oswald brought the two Northumbrian kingdoms of Bernicia and Deira once again under a single ruler, and promoted the spread of Christianity in Northumbria. He was given a strongly positive assessment by the historian Bede, writing a little less than a century after Oswald’s death, who regarded Oswald as a saintly king; it is also Bede who is the main source for present-day historical knowledge of Oswald. After eight years of rule, in which he was the most powerful ruler in Britain, Oswald was killed in the Battle of Maserfield.

While the history on Saint Oswald is sparse at some parts, and may be glossed over at others, what account we do have indicates that he was a good and just king. Perhaps even the archetypical “good king,” the idea of which has been carried throughout English tradition over the centuries.

Two things stand out in particular. The first is that he was very much involved in the evangelizing of his subjects, and reintroducing Christianity to England, where it has largely disappeared after the Roman retreat. The second was his generosity and kindness to the poor. Here is a small quote from the wiki article on him:

Bede recounts Oswald’s generosity to the poor and to strangers, and tells a story highlighting this characteristic: on one occasion, at Easter, Oswald was sitting at dinner with Aidan, and had “a silver dish full of dainties before him”, when a servant, whom Oswald “had appointed to relieve the poor”, came in and told Oswald that a crowd of the poor were in the streets begging alms from the king. Oswald, according to Bede, then immediately had his food given to the poor and even had the dish broken up and distributed.

Reading his story reminded me of these verses from Proverbs:

When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice;
but when the wicked rule, the people groan.

and

By justice a king gives stability to the land,
but one who exacts gifts ruins it.

(Proverbs 29:2,4)

St. Oswald of Northumbria

Selected Sunday Scriptures- #19

Today’s post begins with two passages from the Letter of James:

²⁶ If any one thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this man’s religion is vain. ²⁷ Religion that is pure and undefiled before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

(James 1:26-27)

What causes wars, and what causes fightings among you? Is it not your passions that are at war in your members? ² You desire and do not have; so you kill. And you covet and cannot obtain; so you fight and wage war. You do not have, because you do not ask. ³ You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. ⁴ Unfaithful creatures! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. ⁵ Or do you suppose it is in vain that the scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit which he has made to dwell in us”? ⁶ But he gives more grace; therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” ⁷ Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. ⁸ Draw near to God and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you men of double mind. ⁹ Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to dejection. ¹⁰ Humble yourselves before the Lord and he will exalt you.

(James 4:1-9)

There is a common theme to both passages, namely, not letting yourself be held captive by the world. Or, as St. James explains, not to let ourselves be “stained” by the world. This lesson is fairly common in Christian theology, and for good reason. It is absurdly easy for us to lose track of what matters, and to whom we belong. Our love as Christians is reserved for God, and for our fellow men, not for the world. The more ties we have to the world, the more stained our souls become, and the more distractions there are which will cause us to lose sight of what is important. Lest I repeat myself further, I will close this part by simply noting that we should always be asking ourselves if our actions are Godly, or Worldly.

The following verses from Psalm 16 provide a contrast to the final verses in the second passage, as they are tales of gladness:

⁹ Therefore my heart is glad, and my soul rejoices;
    my body also dwells secure.
¹⁰ For thou dost not give me up to Sheol,
    or let thy godly one see the Pit.

¹¹ Thou dost show me the path of life;
    in thy presence there is fulness of joy,
    in thy right hand are pleasures for evermore.

(Psalm 16: 9-11)

The reason for the contrast is simple. Those who are urged to humble themselves by James are those who have embraced the world and lived in sin. Their joy, arising from their sinful lives, is only temporary. Unless they repent and “mourn and weep” as part of begging forgiveness from God, then they will find themselves lamenting not in this world, but in the next, where the lamentations will never end. Our happiness and joy in this life should come from God and His works. If it doesn’t, then we should must mourn instead, and cast that life, and the evil it contains, away from ourselves. The alternative is to never again find our way back to the path of life.

Saturday Saints- #9

This Saturday’s saint is one of the first that I have included in this series, Saint Helena:

Saint Helena or Saint Helen (Latin: Flavia Iulia Helena Augusta; c. 250 – c. 330) was the consort of the Roman emperor Constantius Chlorus and the mother of the emperor Constantine the Great, an important figure in the history of Christianity. She is traditionally credited with a pilgrimage to Syria Palaestina, during which she discovered the True Cross of Jesus’s crucifixion. She is revered as a saint by the Eastern and Oriental Orthodox, the Roman Catholic, the Lutheran, and the Anglican churches.

(Wiki article here)

I found her interesting for several reasons. To begin with, she was the mother of Constantine, who had a significant impact on Christianity’s early development. Also fascinating was that she was heavily involved in searching for early relics of Christian history and tradition. During her trip to the Holy Land she also helped found several churches, including the Church of the Nativity. So all in all, she exerted a great deal of influence in her lifetime (which was pretty long for that time).

Saint Helen of Constantinople

Advice to Young Women: Avoiding, Spotting and Resisting Players

[Sunshine Mary and I collaborated on a blog titled “Avoiding, spotting and resisting players: Advice for young women. I think we’ve provided some good, starter advice for young women, at least, those who hope to avoid cads and players. I originally re-blogged what she posted, but have decided to post it entirely myself. I’ve made a few additions, which will be noted throughout.]

Given that the risk of divorce increases as a woman’s number of premarital sex partners increases, a wise young woman will not be sexually active before marriage.  She also will not waste her time searching for a boyfriend when what she really wants is a husband.  And in order to find a husband while remaining chaste, she needs to avoid players.

Avoiding players

Why should young women avoid players?  Dalrock recently explained the importance of a young woman not looking for a boyfriend if what she really wants is a husband:

The difference between looking for a boyfriend and looking for a husband changes her original search criteria toward players.

This is true; if a woman is looking for a boyfriend, she will tend to be looking for a man who makes her tingle (feel sexually aroused) with little regard for his character and intentions.  If you are a young woman who is serious about marriage, you should be looking for a husband – not a boyfriend – as this will orient your search criteria away from players.   However, even a woman who is looking for a husband may be unclear on what characteristics and behaviors she should be avoiding in a man.

Young women who are committed to pre-marital chastity and are serious about marriage should learn to discern between players who will actively seek to seduce them and other men who are making the effort not to entice her into sin. Players work hard to get around a woman’s anti-slut defenses and last-minute resistance; a non-player will be looking for ways to help you make sure the two of you don’t get into an overly-tempting situation.

The reason to avoid players, if you are a marriage-minded young woman, is because they are not interested in marriage.  They are interested in uncommitted sexual relationships, something they often euphemistically call “dating,” and one night stands (ONSs).  Players will often strike you as intelligent, witty, and charming.  They will be the most agreeable of men, but you must understand that they have many little tricks which they will use to seduce you.  Many players laugh about how the young women they seduce so often say things like:

I don’t know how it happened.  I usually don’t do this!

You may not know how it happened, but he sure does.  If you don’t want to be played, you need to avoid players.  Instead, look for a man who is himself looking for a wife and not a girlfriend.

One thing that may help with avoiding players is avoiding places where players commonly go to look for women.

1. Don’t hang out in bars and night clubs.

2. Avoid the typical destinations for Spring Break, where players and promiscuous women are likely to congregate.

3. For college-aged women, attending fraternity or similar house parties may be unwise because of the heavy alcohol usage and hook-up culture.  Use your judgment.

However, just avoiding these places will not guarantee that you will not encounter a player.  They are not sparkly vampires who only come out at night, and you well may bump into such men in the grocery store, at the coffee shop, and at church, where they will most certainly be keeping an eye out for you.  Players usually come across as extroverted, friendly, and socially-confident and will approach you to establish rapport even if they do not know you.  This is referred to as “cold opening” a woman.

Of course, not every man who speaks to you is a player, and most players will not come right out and announce that they are after uncommitted sex.  If you are going to avoid players successfully, you need to know how to spot them.

Spotting players

Zippy agreed with Dalrock that just looking for a husband rather than a boyfriend will weed out the players:

Dalrock is fond of suggesting…that if a woman isn’t looking for casual sex, she doesn’t really need to know how to spot a player.  It is an excellent point worth repeating — something for women to keep in mind more than men, really.

Unfortunately, this is not quite true.  There are a few players who have publicly said they try to be honest about what they are after, but there are others who admit that they lie about their true intentions.  Because some players have no problem lying about what they are after, a young woman needs to be able to spot them.

Spotting a player, that is, a man who seeks to sleep with you without commitment, can range from the ridiculously easy to the frustratingly difficult. Unfortunately, there is no single piece of advice that, once received, will alert you that a man is unquestionably a player. Venturing forth in this sinful world will require a constant watchfulness and awareness of your surroundings. Before getting to specific indicators that a man might be a player, it is important to understand that there are two general “categories” of players.

The first is the so-called “natural” player; this is a man who is self-taught.  He developed his craft (the art of seduction) through nothing but force of personality and trial and error. The natural’s abundant personal experiences with women have left him intimately familiar with the fairer sex.

The second type goes by many different names, but perhaps the most familiar is “Pick-Up Artist”, or “PUA”. This man has studied how to seduce women, using a variety of available resources such as books, the internet, seminars and even multi-day “boot camps”. Some learn everything through these resources, while others use them to buttress their existing knowledge and experience. In the latter case this experience, and the skill they have acquired, is far less extensive than the “natural” player.

It should be noted that these aren’t “neat” categories. Some naturals will study what the PUAs teach, and some PUAs will develop a lot of skill at seduction over time. As a general (though not universal) rule the PUA is more easily spotted than a natural, and is less of a threat.

Having gotten that out of the way, here are some possible indicators that a man is a player. Some of them are innocuous enough by themselves, but in combination with other signs should be taken as a sign of danger. [DG: These are not necessarily bad traits, but they can be indicators that a man is a player. Also, many of these traits are what women will want to have in their husband. Careful judgment is key here. Until you have a firm idea about a man’s character through reliable third parties, be careful.]

1)      He knows just what to say. A man who always knows the right thing to say, the right line to make you laugh or smile, is a man with an abundant amount of experience with women. A minor indicator by itself.

2)      He sexualizes the conversation immediately. This means that within the first minute of a conversation the man takes it into immediately obvious sexual territory. This doesn’t mean that he makes a direct proposition; rather he tries to get the conversation to center around sexual themes.  A major red flag.

3)      He gets a lot of female attention. Players, especially the good ones, can easily gain the attention of other women. A man with a constant swarm of women about him, especially attractive women, is benefitting from pre-selection (the tendency of women to find attractive those men who other women find attractive). Players know how to use this to their advantage.

4)      He wears funky clothing. There is a tactic practiced by some PUAs called Peacocking; it involves wearing strange and garish [DG: here is an example. It doesn’t mean simply a snappy dresser.] outfits in order to draw attention onto themselves. The attention and stares this behavior draws are its very goal, as they give the player a chance to distinguish himself from the crowd. This is a major red flag.

5)      He tries to isolate you. Skilled players know that the key to plying their craft is to isolate a woman from other people. This prevents other men from making a move, your friends from coming in to rescue you, or other women from otherwise interfering in a desire for the player themselves. Players understand how essential one-on-one conversation is to seduction. In its simple form this means trying to persuade you or guide you away from the crowd towards a quieter spot of whatever location you find yourself at. A more significant form is found in an invitation/suggestion to leave that location and go somewhere else. The latter is a huge red flag.

6)      He has a wingman or two. Skilled players will operate in pairs or small groups in order to aide their seduction efforts. A “wingman” can help keep other men away from you, distract friends and keep other interferences away from your conversation. Look to see if he has one or two buddies that arrived with him and are working in concert.

7)      He is skilled at keeping a conversation alive. Keeping a conversation going when the original subject matter is exhausted is a possible warning sign. A player understands that in order to seduce a woman, he needs to make her feel comfortable with him. Part of this involves a constant, amicable contact between the two of you. The longer he can hold your attention, the better.

8)      He breaks rapport with you and then reestablishes it quickly. One technique used by some players is to find some reason to break off a conversation at a high point. By leaving at a high-point, your last memory of him will be that positive moment. Then, after a short break, when he resumes the conversation he starts off from a strong position. If a player can do this several times- reach a high point and then break away, only to resume again, he can create a strong rapport with a woman.

9)      You find him really comforting after knowing him only a short while. By itself not a danger signal, but combined with other warning signs this probably indicates that a man is a player (likely a natural). Creating comfort is key to seduction, and if you find yourself comfortable around a strange man after a short while you should be on your guard.

10)  He constantly finds ways to touch you. Touching, also known as kino, is a prime method that players use to build attraction and comfort. They will often start with minor, seemingly innocuous touching at first, such as near the hands or feet. Then they will work their way up, towards the upper arm and leg, eventually moving to the face and torso. This constant touching is very effective, and a man who can get away with it makes for a very skilled player. Be on guard against this.

Resisting players

Guarding against being tempted by a player is a tricky business. Many of them have far more experience penetrating your defenses than you will have setting them up, as has previously been explained:

…the female brain might work in such a way that if a woman were to find herself in a position where she was under the influence of a man with a dominant, masculine frame, the rational part of her mind stops working properly. She can’t think straight. The only things running through her head are base instincts, with desire for the man being the most paramount. If the woman is isolated, away from friends and family or other sources of moral authority who might be able to constrain her behavior, then she might not be able to say “No” to the man if he presses her. She will eventually yield to him.
The important thing is that she might still be a “good woman”, or even a “good Christian woman.” She might believe that fornication is a sin, and that pre-marital sex is wrong, and that she should save herself for her husband. She might be wearing a promise ring, or whatever talisman supposedly will protect her virtue. But it doesn’t matter. Against such a man, without an external moral source, she cannot prevail.

Most importantly, he doesn’t have to force her. Just use the powerful lure of his dominant masculine frame […] a woman simply cannot face the temptation of a Dominant Alpha Maleand resist his charms forever. If her goal is to resist temptation, to not give in, then she must escape, she must move through or past that temptation. In essence, she needs to get away from him. As long as he is nearby, and without other sources of moral authority to guide her, she is vulnerable. This is the central message of Jesus in Matthew 5:29, to remove from our presence those things which lead us to sin.

Most players will come across as masculine and dominant, so if you think you are going to be able to resist them just because you have identified them, think again.  You need to have a strategy.  Here are some quick tips:

1) Use the buddy system. Whenever possible, when in a location where players might be present, go with a friend or two. Then stick with one another at all times. Players need to get you alone with them in order to really pull off their seduction.  If they can’t get you alone, you have largely thwarted them. Remember, there is safety in numbers.

2) Don’t get isolated. While it might be ok to go a corner in a larger room, avoid leaving a crowded room for an empty one. Always have other people present, especially your friends.

3) Guard your phone number. Don’t give out your phone number to a man you’ve just met. Even better, don’t give it out until you have heard about the character of the guy from other, older women and from male friends and family. Same with e-mail.

4) Get a second opinion. In line with the previous bit of advice ask others about a man before agreeing to meet him in the future. Don’t ask your peers this, but instead older women and male friends and family.

5) Stick to public places. Until you have a better idea of a man’s character, only agree to meet him in a public place, like a café or a park. And make sure that the meeting is during the day or early evening. For early evening encounters, always set a hard time that you will need to leave by.

6) Never go to an unknown place with a man. If you aren’t familiar with a place, don’t go there with a man you hardly know.

7) NEVER GET DRUNK. EVER. Nothing has caused more women to lose their virginity or add another notch to the bedpost in the last few decades than alcohol. Drink to enjoy the taste and have a good time, but drink responsibly. Never get drunk, and when going out with friends, make sure one of you is the designated sober person.

8) Don’t drink at all in unsafe environments. If you do drink, make sure it is amongst friends or in a safe place. Basically, don’t drink when there are a lot of strange men around and few people to watch out for you.

9)  Wear modest and feminine clothing. Players prefer to target easy marks. So don’t appear to be one.  If you want to draw the attention of good men, and not players, wear clothing that good men would expect good women to wear.

10)  Maintain a healthy distance. Keep some space between you and men you don’t know well. This reduces the rate at which they build comfort, and makes it more difficult for them to “kino” you. Also, don’t let a man you’ve just met touch you anywhere other than the hands.  Reserve hugs for women and men you know.  And even if you’ve known a man for a while, in order to avoid the temptation to hook up with an acquaintance who happens to be a player, do not participate in even mild sexual contact, such as making out, with any man to whom you are not engaged.

Further reading:

Donal Graeme:

• Moral Agency in Women- Revisted
• Further Thoughts on Moral Agency
• Confessions of a “Good Christian Girl” (ssm: If you are a single Christian girl, I implore you to read this post.)
• Knowing When To Escape
• Establishing masculine dominance while maintaining premarital virtue.

Sunshine Mary:

• What you are and are not owed.
• Why do modern women try to use sex to secure commitment from men?
• How does a young woman demonstrate attraction and interest but still act like a lady?
• On slutty behavior and moral agency

Cail Corishev

• Navigating the Murky Sexual Marketplace: Good Girl Edition

Scott and Mychal at The Courtship Pledge

• An attempt to decorate a corpse

 

Final Thoughts

Something which didn’t make it into the post which SSM uploaded was a bit of snark on my end. I originally had a few lines in that made the point that if a woman isn’t sure if a man is a player, she should ask herself if she finds him attractive. If the answer is yes, then the odds are that he is a player. The reason for that snark is of course due to the fact that there are relatively few “Righteous Alphas” (a borrowed term) out there. Those men who are “good men” unfortunately also tend to be “nice men”, which consequently means they are unattractive. Leaving, of course, the field of attractive men to the players and cads. While more true than not these days, it is my hope that what Deep Strength, Chad and I are doing lately might be a move towards correcting that. The key, as it has always been, is to rely on trusted friends and family to help you screen for a man who would make a good husband.

 

Selected Sunday Scriptures- #11

As I alluded to in my first Saturday Saints post, I have been reading the Book of Maccabees lately. To say that I have found it highly pertinent to the present crisis would be an understatement of epic proportions. I will be quoting liberally from the first book today, because there is a lot to be said, and a lot to be learned.

¹¹ In those days certain renegades came out from Israel and misled many, saying, “Let us go and make a covenant with the Gentiles around us, for since we separated from them many disasters have come upon us.” ¹² This proposal pleased them, ¹³ and some of the people eagerly went to the king, who authorized them to observe the ordinances of the Gentiles. ¹⁴ So they built a gymnasium in Jerusalem, according to Gentile custom, ¹⁵ and removed the marks of circumcision, and abandoned the holy covenant. They joined with the Gentiles and sold themselves to do evil.

…

⁴¹ Then the king wrote to his whole kingdom that all should be one people, ⁴² and that all should give up their particular customs. ⁴³ All the Gentiles accepted the command of the king. Many even from Israel gladly adopted his religion; they sacrificed to idols and profaned the sabbath. ⁴⁴ And the king sent letters by messengers to Jerusalem and the towns of Judah; he directed them to follow customs strange to the land, ⁴⁵ to forbid burnt offerings and sacrifices and drink offerings in the sanctuary, to profane sabbaths and festivals, ⁴⁶ to defile the sanctuary and the priests, ⁴⁷ to build altars and sacred precincts and shrines for idols, to sacrifice swine and other unclean animals, ⁴⁸ and to leave their sons uncircumcised. They were to make themselves abominable by everything unclean and profane, ⁴⁹ so that they would forget the law and change all the ordinances. ⁵⁰ He added, “And whoever does not obey the command of the king shall die.”

⁵¹ In such words he wrote to his whole kingdom. He appointed inspectors over all the people and commanded the towns of Judah to offer sacrifice, town by town. ⁵² Many of the people, everyone who forsook the law, joined them, and they did evil in the land; ⁵³ they drove Israel into hiding in every place of refuge they had.

(1 Maccabees 1:11-15, 41-53)

There is nothing really unique about our times. The faithful were tempted to abandon their faith throughout the history of Judaism, and in fact did at a number of times. Always there was the perceived need to adopt the customs of the people’s around them in order to “fit in.” Sometimes, like here, it was accompanied and pushed through the threat of force. But at other times it was profit or ease of life or simply habit. Every time that this conformity with the world happened, the people of the Lord paid a heavy price. Yet they keep repeating this process, time and time again until the Lord was among them.

As Christians, we are not accustomed to that same kind of pressure. At least, we haven’t been subject to it for a long time. Not since the days of the Roman Empire has Christianity faced, on a mass scale, the same pressure to conform to the world around them.  The sole exception would be those parts of Christendom (a term never used anymore, which says a lot) which have faced (and still face) the threat posed by Islam. Outside of those areas, however, Christians have grown complacent. We readily adopt the practices and beliefs of the unbelieving around us, all the while pretending to ourselves that we keep the faith. It seems as though most Christians, even those who still read their Bible (all of it, even) have forgotten this warning from Saint Paul:

² Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God—what is good and acceptable and perfect.^[d]

(Romans 12:2)

We have conformed ourselves to the world. And most of us have done it with little cause. We don’t face terrible persecution, nor is there even great profit in this conversion. Instead, we adopt the ways of the world because it is the easy path to take. Nevermind that our Lord and Savior warned us that “the gate is narrow and the road is hard that leads to life, and there are few who find it.” But we don’t seek the hard road any longer, nor the narrow gate. Foolishly we have given our hearts and minds over to ideas and doctrines like modernism, feminism and (this is for you Zippy) liberalism. Sadly we have forgotten yet another warning from Saint Paul:

⁸ See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the universe, and not according to Christ.

(Colossians 2:8)

As Christians are going to have to make a choice. We must choose between the ways of the world, or the ways of God. Between worldly philosophy or Holy Faith. There is no middle way. One path leads to destruction, and the other path leads to Life. Choose wisely.

A Word Of Advice… or An Inadvertent Admission

Today’s post is inspired by an article that was linked over at Dalrock‘s blog. The article, found at a website called Girls Ask Guys, is a real gem. Without further ado:

I see a TON of guys on here who are so depressed over not having a girlfriend and are so pissed at the guys who seem to get all the girls. the reality is, you will find some one, most of you are young and you have SO much time before you actually find “the one.” Also, the guys you are all jealous of are generally not good guys. I have generally dated “bad boy” types that I am always attracted to because they’re really attractive, exciting, and don’t fawn all over me. Unfortunately, the majority of them have lied, cheated, and manipulated the shit out of our relationships. I have no doubt that I will end up with a “nice guy” and I can tell you with a fair amount of confidence that most girls will because no girl with self respect sticks around with a “bad boy” in less he reforms himself. I have to say I hope for the reformed bad boy, but he is a rare bird and once he’s reformed, who’s to say he’ll be exciting anymore? Anyway, keep hope alive you guys, most of you sound like very caring, kind, and interesting guys who have a lot to offer.

Update: update: you guys are hard to please. I am trying to say girls make mistakes with ‘bad boys” but the good guys win out in the end. I thought that got through, but for some of you I guess it didn’t and I’m sorry. I was trying to encourage you to be good to women.    3 days ago

Update: I really hit a nerve! I apologize! I would also like to clarify though: I am not a gold digger, I am not a liar, and I am not trying to change any guy that I date from the person who he is. I guess I am drawn to guys who are a little edgy and that can be tough, but hopefully I’ll end up with a guy who suits that and is also a mature and loving human being.    2 days ago

Update: YIKES.    Yesterday

I must admit, my initial reaction was pleasant surprise. It is rare to see such honesty these days, especially from a woman in the context of relationships. Even though I am revolted by her actions and her philosophy, I have to respect the chutzpah that leads her to pull back the curtain and let guys know what is really going on. One of the chief problems with women playing the AFBB (Alpha F—-, Beta Bucks) game is that they usually deny doing it. That kind of deception can sucker in and deceive naive but otherwise good men who think that these women really care for them. Honesty like this can save a lot of men from making what would probably be the worst decision of their life by marrying a former carousel rider. She is doing a public service by warning men about what is really going on in the “dating” world.

On a related note, women like this put me in a difficult position. As Denise noted here, we should be careful about confusing subjective evaluations into objective statements about another person’s worth. I believe in repentance and redemption. I believe, no, I know that people can turn their lives around. Yet I don’t see how I could ever recommend that any man ever marry this woman. As in ever. The risks associated with this woman, and those like her, are astronomical. Yes, I know she could honestly and earnestly repent. But how can any man ever know this to any reasonable degree of certainty? When a woman’s avowed life strategy is to dupe some “nice guy” into marrying her after the Bad Boys are done with her, I don’t see how she could ever be trusted in this respect. At least, not in the present environment. Perhaps a “reformed Bad Boy” would fare alright, but given her statement about him possibly no longer being exciting, even that is suspect.

So, how out of line is my thinking here? Am I being too fearful? Does it make me a hypocritical Christian? Or is this just a necessary precaution in today’s world?

Light and Truth

Rejoice!

²  The people who walked in darkness
have seen a great light;
those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness,
on them has light shined.
³ Thou hast multiplied the nation,
thou hast increased its joy;
they rejoice before thee
as with joy at the harvest,
as men rejoice when they divide the spoil.
⁴ For the yoke of his burden,
and the staff for his shoulder,
the rod of his oppressor,
thou hast broken as on the day of Mid′ian.
⁵ For every boot of the tramping warrior in battle tumult
and every garment rolled in blood
will be burned as fuel for the fire.
⁶ For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given;
and the government will be upon his shoulder,
and his name will be called
“Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”
⁷ Of the increase of his government and of peace
there will be no end,
upon the throne of David, and over his kingdom,
to establish it, and to uphold it
with justice and with righteousness
from this time forth and for evermore.
The zeal of the Lord of hosts will do this.

(Isaiah 9:2-7)

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ² He was in the beginning with God; ³ all things were made through him, and without him was not anything made that was made. ⁴ In him was life, and the life was the light of men. ⁵ The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

(John 1:1-5)

In those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be enrolled. ² This was the first enrollment, when Quirin′i-us was governor of Syria. ³ And all went to be enrolled, each to his own city. ⁴ And Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the city of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and lineage of David, ⁵ to be enrolled with Mary, his betrothed, who was with child. ⁶ And while they were there, the time came for her to be delivered. ⁷ And she gave birth to her first-born son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths, and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn.

⁸ And in that region there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. ⁹ And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with fear. ¹⁰ And the angel said to them, “Be not afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of a great joy which will come to all the people; ¹¹ for to you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. ¹² And this will be a sign for you: you will find a babe wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.” ¹³ And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,

¹⁴ “Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace among men with whom he is pleased!”

¹⁵ When the angels went away from them into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let us go over to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has made known to us.” ¹⁶ And they went with haste, and found Mary and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger. ¹⁷ And when they saw it they made known the saying which had been told them concerning this child; ¹⁸ and all who heard it wondered at what the shepherds told them. ¹⁹ But Mary kept all these things, pondering them in her heart. ²⁰ And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told them.

(Luke 2:1-20)

¹⁶ For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. ¹⁷ For God sent the Son into the world, not to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him.

(John 3:16-17)

Merry Christmas to everyone. I will return to blogging in a few days, although I will keep an eye on the comments and e-mail. Until then, have a blessed time celebrating our savior’s birth. Also, for those interested, CaseyAnn has a post concerning Christmas Traditions which is fascinating. Sadly, what few Christmas traditions we have here in the States do not match up well with the heartfelt celebrations of the Old World.

Check Engine

[Today’s post is a guest post by reader Donald R., who has submitted a guest post before to plug his book about Christian marriage. Since I am somewhat tied up right now, I offer it without commentary, although I might do so later.]

Mark Driscoll on Young Men

[The rest is in response to the video linked above. To understand the post, you really need to watch the video.]

Mark Driscoll isn’t a bad guy. He can see that there’s a masculinity crisis facing this generation and he wants to tackle it head on. This is admirable. It’s true that many of today’s young men are beginning to shun traditional masculinity. They no longer seem to care much about the historical provider role and are often choosing to spend their twenties having fun instead of preparing to head a family. This trend obviously has huge implications for our society and it does need to be addressed; unfortunately, Mark’s proposed solution is misguided at best and may even make things worse in the long run.

From the video above:

Today, the average guy who’s in his 20’s is less likely than the average woman to go to college, to have a degree upon graduation, to have a job, to go to church, even to have a driver’s license.

…

So you guys who have no vision of future, career, no intent of taking a gal on a date maybe to get a wife out of the deal. Maybe you have a kid, you can’t take him to little league; you can’t go pick up your groceries. I mean, they’re not even thinking in terms of a legacy or a lineage or a future.

You gotta tell them that they’re wrong. That they’re absolutely wrong and they have no idea what they’re doing.

…

Guys just don’t think about anything other than a good time. And it’s about thinking about a good legacy, not just liking where you live but what legacy are you going to leave? It’s boys who can shave, man. It’s just a joke.

Mark has identified a cultural shift away from traditional masculinity; but the real question is, what is causing this shift? Have today’s young men really decided to collectively abandon traditional manhood out of sheer laziness, or are there other forces at work here? If the “check engine” light comes on in your car you’ve got two options – fix the underlying problem or unplug the light. Mark is suggesting that we unplug the light. To really fix the problem, though, we need to open up the hood and take a deeper look at the inner workings of our civilization.

When listening to Mark, one gets the distinct impression that he believes there to be some kind of external measure of manhood that today’s generation is failing to meet. Historically speaking, he is correct. The traditional view of manhood can be summarized in five basic points:

Traditional View of Manhood

1. Men have a role to play in society

2. It is their duty to fulfill this role

3. If they fulfill this role there will be rewards

4. If they don’t fulfill it they are shirking their duties

5. Men who shirk their duties aren’t real men

Mark is fully committed to this view and therefore believes that young men who fail to live up to a traditional male gender role are shirking their duties and not real men. But what if this was only half of the equation? What if the very concept of traditional manhood was built upon a delicate balance between the men and women of a society and that balance somehow got out of whack?

I believe this is precisely what’s happened. You see, guys like Mark always conveniently forget the fact that our civilization has spent the last hundred years completely redefining womanhood. In the old days, men and women had different (but complementary) roles in society. So, the flip-side of Mark’s traditional worldview should look like this:

Traditional View of Womanhood

1. Women have a role to play in society

2. It is their duty to fulfill this role

3. If they fulfill this role there will be rewards

4. If they don’t fulfill it they are shirking their duties

5. Women who shirk their duties aren’t real women

But our culture doesn’t view womanhood that way anymore. Today’s women are free agents, completely autonomous individuals who can choose whatever kind of lifestyle makes sense for them personally. This is not only accepted, but celebrated – even by the likes of the supposedly conservative Mark Driscoll. And it’s here that the system is beginning to break down.

Now, I’m not suggesting that gender roles ought to be so rigid that a society can’t make necessary adaptations as it grows and matures. But I do think it’s fair to say that the current masculinity crisis is largely an unintended consequence of the women’s liberation movement. In our effort to give women more options and freedom to self-determine their own identity, we have unwittingly opened Pandora’s Box:

Single young women in their sexual prime—that is, their 20s and early 30s … are for the first time in history more successful, on average, than the single young men around them. They are more likely to have a college degree and, in aggregate, they make more money. What makes this remarkable development possible is not just the pill or legal abortion but the whole new landscape of sexual freedom—the ability to delay marriage and have temporary relationships that don’t derail education or career. To put it crudely, feminist progress right now largely depends on the existence of the hookup culture. And to a surprising degree, it is women—not men—who are perpetuating the culture, especially in school, cannily manipulating it to make space for their success, always keeping their own ends in mind. For college girls these days, an overly serious suitor fills the same role an accidental pregnancy did in the 19th century: a danger to be avoided at all costs, lest it get in the way of a promising future. (Source: The Atlantic)

Men in their age group aren’t getting as strong a signal that working hard to become a provider will result in a long term relationship and later marriage … [therefore] a significant percentage of men haven’t felt the incentive to prepare themselves as a provider. Even worse, these [career women] pushed out men from their slots in school and the workplace. So the men they one day hope to marry both have less incentive to do the extra work and planning to become a provider and face additional obstacles to do so. (Source: Dalrock)

This, then, is the root cause of our masculinity crisis. It used to be that, by following society’s path of traditional manhood, a young man would gain socially approved access to sex and, by extension, a positive male identity through his role as a husband and father. But our society changed the rules in order to allow women more autonomy and, as a result, the rewards for men who follow the traditional path have begun to dry up.

Today’s young men are beginning to react to these changes by embracing autonomy, themselves. The net effect of this shift is that they often don’t work as hard in life. It’s easy to point the finger at these men, as Mark does, and complain that they are being lazy; however, this argument is ultimately futile. Because we have embraced the idea that modern women should be autonomous, we have no choice but to grant the same freedom of choice to modern men – even if we don’t like what they do with it.

With that being said, I do agree with Mark that the current trend is harmful to our society as a whole. But we can’t fix the problem by forcing men to keep playing by the old rules. Mark has this idea that young men somehow owe traditional masculinity to the world. They don’t. Traditional masculinity was earned by society through a complex system of incentives and rewards that were largely dependent on the counterweight of traditional femininity. With that framework dismantled, these men have every right to cast off the yoke society is attempting to place on them.

This is why Mark Driscoll gets it wrong. He thinks that, if he can just shame young men back into their old societal role, everything will go back to normal. But this plan is doomed to failure because it doesn’t address the root of the problem. The problem isn’t men; the problem is men and women. The whole system is down and it’s going to take all of us working together to get it back up again.

We need to re-calibrate the societal balance between masculinity and femininity if we’re to have any hope of fixing this mess. That means accepting and embracing the complementary natures of men and women as well as providing some kind of incentive for those who participate in the cultural re- awakening. How that will work in practice (if it will even work at all) is anyone’s guess, but it’s the only practical option we’ve got. We need to quit trying to unplug the “check engine” light and, instead, get busy working on the real issue – rebuilding the symbiotic partnership between men and women.