Trust Issues

Today’s post will tag along with my previous post, found here. It was prompted by the following comment, left by a man named Cem:

A lot of perspectives in this particular site revolve around Christianity while other RedPill venues focus on short term gains such as “bang”, “lay” etc. I want for myself to apply a moral but also sharp RedPill understanding in order to secure a marriage with a worthy girl. For religious reasons, I refrain from sex since it’s before marriage forbidden in my belief. I am Muslim and 30 y/o. That being said I study RP for more than 5 years tracing it back to the Mystery and Neill Strauss’ book, and have considerable experience of day-time pick-ups and dates. Only difference is that my efforts don’t lead to bed, as my choice. While some argue that this is not game at all, I can say that I garnered enough understanding about the ways of women (not just in intersexual dynamics but also other social areas) and that this discipline opened my naive eyes. Five years ago, I’d never have thought that taking an engaged woman home would be so easy. However, now I see every woman as a conniving covert-whores who spread their legs after enough gaming, and can’t trust any woman’s loyalty. How does a man get past this?

To begin with, I am glad to see my readers come from a variety of backgrounds. Different perspectives add a lot to the blog.

A few thoughts came to my mind after reading Cem’s comment. The first was that it was interesting to see a Muslim back up the writings/reports of secular, Christian and Jewish men (I don’t know of any major ‘spherian’s who are Muslim, if one is let me know in the comments below. The second was to note that Muslim men can, just like Christian men, choose to learn without giving into sin. The final bit was that distrust of women is universal- which really shouldn’t have been as surprising to me as it was. But enough about all that. What I want to talk about is this part here:

However, now I see every woman as a conniving covert-whores who spread their legs after enough gaming, and can’t trust any woman’s loyalty. How does a man get past this?

This is tough. Real tough. It doesn’t matter what your faith tradition is, women are still women. And when they are allowed to act as they are in the West, the vast majority will choose to use that liberty for license. That is the thing about the modern era: we have allowed women to act like they’ve always wanted to act throughout history. Women haven’t really changed, or at least, their nature hasn’t. What has changed is the social environment in which they find themselves.

This is my fancy way of saying this simple and ugly truth: Women weren’t really any more trustworthy in the past than they are now. My previous post showed some examples of 2000 year old+ thought on how far you could trust women to keep their legs shut.

So how do you deal with it? Well, here is my advice to Cem, and to other men who worry about trusting women.

  • The possibility of betrayal is part of the human condition. Only God is trustworthy, everyone else can betray you and one shouldn’t be surprised to find oneself betrayed. Family, friends… it can be anyone. Accept it, and don’t let fear of it get you down. Instead vow to be stronger than your fear.
  • Not every woman is a harlot. There have always been some who have showed restraint, whether in permissive cultures or restrictive ones. Even today some women don’t sleep around. The goal of any man intending to marry is to look for those women. And don’t marry if you don’t find one.
  • You can reduce the chances of betrayal by being in an environment which discourages and penalizes such behavior. Stack the deck in your favor by leveraging whatever you can against her betraying you.

Will this resolve the uncertainty forever? No. But it will help give some peace of mind. The truth is that this world will always carry with it risks and disappointments. That cannot be stopped. Instead we must do what we can to get the odds in our favor.

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8 Comments

Filed under Blue Pill, Hypergamy, Marriage, Marriage Market Place, Men, Moral Agency, Red Pill, Sexual Market Place, Sexual Strategies, Sin, State of Nature, Temptation, Women

8 responses to “Trust Issues

  1. anonymous_ng

    I think your advice is sound. Mostly, I remember that our minds are set to find patterns whether they actually exist or not, and that almost none of us will experience a large enough sample size from which to generalize to the population as a whole.

    Another way of making your third point is to realize that trustworthy women are probably not going to be regular bar-hopping party girls.

  2. Cem

    Thank you very much for addressing my question with a seperate post. Unfortunately sin has become such a mainstream way in our age across cultures that people who respect God’s orders and prohibitations seem abnormal to the society. To give you a bit of context, I can say that our culture is much more conservative than that of the west and those who step out of line are shamed (not stoned as in saudi barbaria) and are turned into social outcasts. If a girl is not virgin when she gets married, she can be sent back to her father which is a great source of shame, even in big cities. “Doing that” before marriage is a surefire way for a girl to remain single for the rest of her life, which is why hymenoplasty surgeries are so common around here. To be honest, I’d never have believed that game would work in our society, alas, it does. Married women with kids, engaged women, single women, all began to got within range, responding to different kinds of game. Like many awakened men, I too must thank all RP contributors for raising the curtain in front of my eyes.
    I understand from your article that no matter how alpha a man is, there is always the risk of another alpha lurking around corners in your life, waiting to cross paths with your one-and-only. Even Rollo Tomassi had said in one of his articles that he felt -for a moment- torrential horrors when he encountered his wife’s car in the other part of the city- until he remembered the real reason

  3. MK

    Hot and cold on this post:
    1) Sure all are slaves to our environment. Very true. Humans are group animals. Nothing new here. Pick your group with care.
    2) I think I could spot a traditional woman capable of betrayal pretty easy. Sure there are plenty of modern women who cheat; I’ve flirted with a few. But not a insignificant amount would never consider something so risky or life-changing (even if never caught). A lot is how “involved” in society a woman is; working women are at deep risk. But many family type women find cheating just plain old scary and outside normal possible conduct. Like deserting their family, it just ain’t gonna happen for them.
    3) I can safely say I’ve never had a single fear of my wife cheating. She’s simply not sly enough plus is too meek plus too moral. Too out-of-character. These women are more worried about you cheating. Plus, cheating for a woman is dumb and dangerous, and many women have more brains than sex drive than this to be a fear.

  4. MK

    Typo above: ….sex drive FOR this to be a fear.

  5. Women weren’t really any more trustworthy in the past than they are now. My previous post showed some examples of 2000 year old+ thought on how far you could trust women to keep their legs shut.

    The ancients knew exactly what they were talking about when it came to the sexes. They also knew what they were doing when it came to putting restrictions on female behavior. While it is true that most of these ancient civilizations eventually crumbled, rarely did this occur due to the unbridled licentious behavior of women characteristic of our own times. It seems that WE today are the benighted savages in this realm, not the ancients.

    Cem says: those [women] who step out of line are shamed (not stoned as in saudi barbaria) …

    Whatever one’s opinion of this form of capital punishnent (or one’s opinion of capital punishment in any form), one would be hard pressed to deny that the possibility of being dispatched from this world in such a grotesque manner must certainly serve as a deterrent to committing adultery or sexual license. I’m wagering safely that Saudi Arabia has considerably less trouble with the wreckage caused by sexual license than does the Western world.

  6. Interestingly, two variables did predict women’s number of EPC partners in multiple regression analyses: their anxious and avoidant attachment styles. Whereas women’s anxious attachment was positively associated with their number of EPC partners, women’s avoidant attachment was negatively associated with their number of EPC partners. These effects persisted even when total number of EPC sex partners was statistically controlled. It appears, then, that women most likely to engage in EPCs are those who are open to intimacy (nonavoidant) yet fearful of abandonment (anxious). Possibly, these women have been exposed during development to cues of noninvestment by men (cf. Belsky et al. 1991; Cashden 1993), which lead them to engage in EPCs as hedges against abandonment. The fact that these same women were not more likely to be the EPC partners of men is consistent with this speculation. (That is, it is not apparent how being an EPC partner, as opposed to having an EPC partner, would hedge against abandonment.) Future research should explore further how women’s adult romantic attachment styles might reflect adaptive, evolved variations in women’s mating psychology.

    EPCs are “extrapair copulations” (that is, cheating).

    Gangestad, S. W., & Thornhill, R. (1997). The evolutionary psychology of extrapair sex: The role of fluctuating asymmetry. Evolution and Human Behavior, 18(2), 69-88.

    There’s a lot of research on the topic regarding what factors women consider when deciding to cheat. Of course, there are monogamous women (though the term “monogamy” has been watered down, necessitating the creation of the term “hyper-monogamous,” that is, having sex with only one partner over the entire lifespan). Hyper-monogamy may only exist in 10% of the female population, though it probably goes up a bit in religious populations. One of the consequences of marrying non-virgins is that the underlying genetics for that (mis)behavior (e.g. novelty-seeking) are passed on to children (potentially along with STDs and mind-altering parasites, but that’s a discussion for another time). There will of course always be desperate men willing to settle, thus the continuation of those genetics (and that behavior). On a lighter note, the absence of sexual strictures means that identifying (though not necessarily finding) someone who exhibits self-control is a bit easier.

  7. earlthomas786

    @feeriker

    ‘ While it is true that most of these ancient civilizations eventually crumbled, rarely did this occur due to the unbridled licentious behavior of women characteristic of our own times.’

    According to author J. D. Unwin’s book ‘Sex and Culture’…basically a civilization crumbles because they all unbridled licentious behaviors of women.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J._D._Unwin

    So when Western Civilization has that final nail in the coffin…we know why it happened.

  8. Greg

    “Not every woman is a harlot. There have always been some who have showed restraint, whether in permissive cultures or restrictive ones. Even today some women don’t sleep around.”

    What type of N count are we talking about? N=0? N=10? N=Age? No doubt most people reading this blog are familiar with the divorce data that Social Pathologist compiled around seven years ago (such as: http://socialpathology.blogspot.ca/2010/08/defining-slut.html). Assuming the current technology (like Tinder) continues to evolve and be used, the opportunity to cheat (and incentive to divorce) will only be greater than in 1995 (when the data used in the linked chart was collected). New data and analyses will be out in a year – we’ll have to see if things are getting better or worse.

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