Toxic Femininity

These days we hear plenty about so called “Toxic Masculinity.” The phrase is naturally enough a ruse- the whole point of it is to tar all masculinity as toxic. Its goal is nothing more and nothing less than to eradicate all signs of masculinity from the public sphere.

Rather than go into a full on rebuttal of this distorted thinking, I want to take a different tack today. I want to talk about the possibility of a “Toxic Femininity.”

What would such a thing be? What would it look like? How would it manifest?


As Dalrock and many others have pointed out for years, there is a massive wave of female rebellion going on in the West. Such a rebellion has likely not been seen in all of recorded history. And this rebellion is manifesting itself in some truly ugly ways.

What I want to explore is which feminine behaviors have become toxic in the west today as a result of that rebellion. And I hope that my readers can chip in and help out too. There is a lot of truth to the old saying that many hands make light work. So hopefully my readers will offer their thoughts in the comments below.

The way I see it, there are a few steps to all of this. They are:

  • Identify what constitutes female nature
  • Determine those parts of female nature which either are, or can be, destructive if left unchecked
  • Identify which of those are now running rampant in the West today

Some things are easy enough to identify- hypergamy, for example, is a major and obvious one. But there is more to be found. I’ve written other posts before which have covered some of these behaviors, but I want this post to be a sort of compilation of all of them. A go-to resource in the future, if you will. Hopefully it will be useful to more people than just myself.


Examples of Toxic Femininity:

Hypergamy-

[To be updated as time passes]

 

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37 Comments

Filed under Blue Pill, Femininity, Red Pill, Sin, State of Nature, Temptation, Women

37 responses to “Toxic Femininity

  1. Nope. Too often hypergamy (the logical and natural desire for a woman to marry up to compensate for the inherent vulnerability that comes with being the bearer and primary nurtured of babies) is used interchangeably with the truly toxic behavior of infidelity and unfaithfulness in an attempt to do *better*.

    The latter is actually not hypergamy.

  2. John

    Much like the way that the Left hijacks language, we have done so with the word hypergamy. If you spend some time looking around the manosphere, you’ll find our new usage of the word extremely well defined. Feminism, and the resultant gynocentric society, has pretty much destroyed any need for hypergamy as it was originally defined. So, yes – the latter actually is hypergamy.

  3. Yoda

    Not sure agree with Elspeth I do

  4. earlthomas786

    It’s not really a sex specific thing when it comes to these sins…but pride and envy seem to be the things that are fueling a lot of the female rebellion.

  5. Elspeth, the problem is not that hypergamy is inherently bad. Rather, it is that its influence is allowed to act in a toxic direction. Which is a point I make in the post.

  6. Michael

    Disclaimer that I have a problem with the adjective toxic and also with the assumption that too much masculinity in men or too much femininity in women is worth identifying as a problem when we are suffering so much from the opposite problem.

    Some “toxic feminine” behaviors in women could be:
    * arranging social hierarchies to make themselves feel attractive and popular at the expense of other women
    * lying about men to make themselves feel attractive and superior, demanding other women support view
    * trying to lead their marriages and deceiving fellow women about the nature of marriage
    * gossip
    * disdaining wisdom. Mocking men and women for earnestness. Coveting the fruits of labor instead of learning to “consider a field and buy it.”
    * malice towards old women instead of learning from them, particularly towards a woman’s mother.

    As men, we should pray every day that husbands, fathers, mothers, pastors, and elderly women will find the courage and wisdom to teach young women and wives how to love God and neighbor.

  7. thedeti

    Toxic femininity:

    —women are wonderful

    — the female sex drive is noble, pure and family oriented.

    — women are more moral , more spiritual and just all around better human beings than men

    — women are better at caring for children than men

    — demonizing, criminalizing and pathologizing men and the male sex drive

    — the idea that there is no such thing as toxic femininity

  8. Yoda

    Deti wins the thread he does

  9. earlthomas786

    Basically anything that starts to make one sex moral and the other sex evil is the start of ‘toxic’ behavior.

    Sin is not sex specific. We all do it.

  10. Mineter

    Thanks, Donal (and the contributors above), for a thought-provoking post. I had recently been pondering why certain people consider masculinity to be toxic, and why they don’t consider anything feminine in the same way (“Women Are Wonderful”…).

    I’ll nit-pick a bit. I think a lot of women engage in toxic behaviours which aren’t traditionally considered “feminine”, but rather are “feminist”. Contentiousness is such a thing, whereas agreeableness/passivity is actually the feminine trait. I think it’s a trap to think that because there are many prominent and recent examples of poor behaviour, that what has defined femininity/masculinity for millenia should suddenly be redefined. Or, alternatively, each “side” subjectively judging the other through their own biased lens.

    The feminists/Marxists (but I repeat myself) try to portray all masculine traits as toxic (unless, of course, a woman displays them). There may be some masculine traits or behaviours which, if misused, can be toxic (for example, “domination” can be used to be a good, effective leader, or misused to be a tyrant; “competitiveness” can be used to foster striving for excellence by all competitors, or it can be misused in a monopolistic fashion, ultimately destroying excellence and fostering mediocrity).

    The masculine trait of propensity for violence and aggression can be used by men to protect the vulnerable from undue aggression; this example shows that this trait can be both noble and toxic, depending on its application. The trait, in and of itself, is neither toxic nor noble.

    In much the same way, certain feminine traits or behaviours can be misused, as should rightly be classified as toxic. There’s not much to add to Michael’s and Deti’s lists above, but a couple of others do come to mind.
    – misuse of sexuality and seductiveness (i.e. immodesty). Whereas this feminine trait was ultimately good for the propagation of the species, to lure the most fit male to procreate with her, nowadays contraceptives render it null and void. Instead, women use it for the base behaviour of riding the carousel (consequence free, of course), or of seeking male attention, or making men uncomfortable etc. i.e. anything BUT securing a quality mate.
    – misuse of vulnerability. Abuse/exploitation of the masculine instinct to protect and provide. Concepts like “let’s you and him fight”, getting White Knights to do their bidding (usually rescuing them from the consequences of their own behaviour or choices), the bait and switch of marriage, and having Beta orbiters in the Friendzone (knowing full well the guy wants “more”, and stringing them along with plausibly deniable teasers).

  11. Elspeth, would ‘abuse of the hypergamic nature’ be a better description of the latter?

  12. fuzziewuzziebear

    Elspeth,
    Sorry to pile on you but what is described as hypergamy is the the instinct to trade up. This is very antisocial once people marry. Hypergamy drives it and a lot of women never stop monkey branching.

    Donal,
    Women can be toxic, but in this society, they are above criticism. It’s so bad that even when they do cause trouble, men are blamed for it, somehow.

  13. the whole point of it is to tar all masculinity as toxic. Its goal is nothing more and nothing less than to eradicate all signs of masculinity from the public sphere.

    I think this bears more import than trying to define what “toxic femininity” would look like. As Deti (and Michael) have enumerated above, the problem arises when women basically have zero limits placed upon them. “The dose makes the poison” goes for both masculine and feminine behaviors. Currently the law and “society” have decided that men need to be restrained more than ever, while women are have carte blanche to act as they wish. Women who more and more depend on the governmental machinery and therefore support the government’s continued intrusions on and usurpation of men’s rights and property.

  14. earlthomas786

    ‘Too often hypergamy (the logical and natural desire for a woman to marry up to compensate for the inherent vulnerability that comes with being the bearer and primary nurtured of babies) is used interchangeably with the truly toxic behavior of infidelity and unfaithfulness in an attempt to do *better*.

    The latter is actually not hypergamy.’

    I think it is if the infidelity leads to marriage. The actual definition of the term inculdes marriage.

    What I don’t get is why women think they can blow up their current marriage to get something better? It’s hard enough to secure commitment and it’s more rewarding to build up your husband and he’ll have the motivation to become higher value. Tearing down a husband is also dumb…why would you want to lower the value of your husband, that’s a bad look for a wife too.

  15. dvdivx

    Why mince words. Many western women have turned themselves into childless harlots. Harlot seems to be a word spoken by Jesus by not talked about anymore just as hell and Satan are never talked about in the church.

  16. Anonymous Reader

    Hypergamy is built into the human female. It is a feature. In an ordered society a woman’s hypergamy will lead her towards what she perceives to be the best man, and if they marry then stop. In a well ordered society a woman who is widowed at a young age will find her hypergamy again leading her towards a man – this is documented in the case of “War brides”.

    Unrestrained hypergamy leads to the Eat-Pray-Love situation, aka “monkey-branching” aka “trading up”.

    Women are inherently more solipsistic than men, it stems from their biology. In a well ordered society there’s limits on the solipsism of any particular woman and women in general.

    Unrestrained solipsism leads to slutwalks, pink-hat protests, one-sided divorce laws, the endless rain of special preferences for women, etc.

    Femininity without restraint is toxic femininity.

  17. Yoda

    Anonymous Reader captures it very well he does

  18. ‘In an ordered society a woman’s hypergamy will lead her towards what she perceives to be the best man, and if they marry then stop.’

    I don’t think it stops, but the wise woman continues to be a good helpmate to her husband which increases his value. She takes that feature and rather than looking around for some perceived better man than her husband…she focuses on making her husband a better man.

  19. Anonymous Reader

    Mineter
    I’ll nit-pick a bit. I think a lot of women engage in toxic behaviours which aren’t traditionally considered “feminine”, but rather are “feminist”. Contentiousness is such a thing,

    That’s just female behavior. It’s documented in the book of Proverbs. Here’s two, there are more.

    “Better to dwell in the wilderness than with an angry and contentious woman” – Proverbs 21:19

    “It is better to live in a corner of the roof Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” – Proverbs 25:24

    It’s not a modern thing. I leave the theology of “why that is” to the rest of you.

  20. Hypergamy: marriage into an equal or higher caste or social group.

    Don’t see anything “toxic” about that. It’s what I would want for my daughter.

  21. One of the things about Scripture is that if something is repeated often…it’s because it is important.

    And there’s no more proof of that than any man who has lived with a contentious woman.

  22. Mineter

    @Anonymous Reader
    I will nitpick some more.
    Yes, the Bible mentions these contentious women. Are ALL women like that? Perhaps the Proverbs 31:10 type of woman is noted as an exception because… she is exceptional. So which is it? Is contentiousness a feminine trait, or is submissiveness and passivity? Or is it both? If all feminine women are contentious, is that something that attracts the masculine man? Or is it that women have something so desirable that men are too weak to resist the temptation, regardless how undesirable other parts of the package are?
    I am really interested. At the moment the discussion seems to be reverting to the same song but in a different key – instead of “masculinity IS toxic” we have “femininity IS toxic”.

  23. Yoda

    Much sensitivity to the word “hypergamy” there is

  24. Novaseeker

    Much of toxic femininity was reined in by nature until rather recently. Specifically, pregnancy risk, less availability of abortion, led to different behaviors across the board by women in acting out their femininity. Now, with reliable and cheap contraception and abortion, some of women’s feminine instincts, which were reined in to a significant degree naturally by the risk of pregnancy, have become de-natured and “ambient”, free in an un-natural way, which is, unsurprisingly, toxic. The reason for that is very simple, if you reflect even briefly on it.

    Each sex has a “trump card”, if you will, the source of its comparative power vis a vis the other sex. Men’s trump card is size and strength with which almost no women can compete. Women’s trump card is sex and procreation — men can’t procreate or bear children, men are reliant on women’s fidelity to ensure paternity at all, and men have a significantly higher average libido than women do, meaning women have sexual “power” over men (to the extent that a man does not use his physical trump card to “take” sex — an act which is not new, but which has always been condemned).

    The constraints on men abusing their physical trump card vis-a-vis women have always been enforced by other men, and were often not very highly enforced, if we are being honest, outside of pure extramarital rape. That has changed in the last century, and specifically in the last few decades, and men are now generally quite restrained in this area as compared with the past, although there continue to be men who do abuse their physical trump card with girlfriends or wives. At the same time, the natural constraints on women abusing their sexual power were removed, both by technology and social mores, such that women are now much *less* restrained in abusing their trump card than men are — and what we are seeing is that a significant percentage of women is indeed abusing their trump card of sexual power in this context. And at the same time the economic base changed to a service economy, and the family laws changed to permit easy divorce on very good terms for mothers, thereby negating, again, the male trump card of physical strength in the economic arena, and erasing any durability of marriages from the legal perspective, which thereby enhanced women’s economic and relational independence, further enhancing the freeing up of women’s sexual expression and the abuse of their sexual power trump card.

    Virtually all of toxic femininity arises from this confluence between technological, social, legal and economic factors which combine to permit women to act out on the trump card of sexual power: immodesty, promiscuity, marital delay, willingness to divorce, contentiousness, catiness, female tribalism and the like. This is what toxic femininity looks like, because it involves the abuse of the female trump card of sexual power vis-a-vis men. Hypergamy unleashed (which is itself a product of the same technological, social, legal and economic factors) is yet another manifestation of this same phenomenon — it all involves taking something that is inherently feminine (desire to marry up, capacity to allure, capacity to bear children) and takes it well beyond the natural limits to be expressed in a thoroughly imbalanced way, thereby becoming toxic. So the desire to marry up becomes the endless delay of marriage to find the perfect husband, and the willingness to divorce for less than grave reasons in order to find an upgrade. The ability to procreate becomes the ability to determine which conceived life has the right to live, and who has the doom to die for his/her mother’s sexual freedom and independence, all as determined in the sole discretion of the female judge. jury and executioner. The ability to attract and allure becomes an endless arm’s race of sluttiness, resulting in women dressing as prostitutes wouldn’t even have dressed a couple of generations ago. And so on.

    Despite the endless chattering about “toxic masculinity” because some outlierish powerful man abuses his status to compel or try to compel sexual access, in reality the culture is literally drowning in toxic femininity — in the excesses arising from abuses by most women (not just or mainly the high status and power outliers, but most average rank-and-file women) of innate aspects of their femininity, which are all made possible by technology, culture, law and economics which conspire to free up women in this way, to a large social consensus of applause. And it’s that applause that ultimately is the really toxic thing — applause which, we must readily admit, is often coming from men.

  25. Anonymous Reader

    Mineter
    Yes, the Bible mentions these contentious women. Are ALL women like that? Perhaps the Proverbs 31:10 type of woman is noted as an exception because… she is exceptional. So which is it? Is contentiousness a feminine trait, or is submissiveness and passivity? Or is it both?

    All women are like that by nature. You can refer to “curse of Eve” or evo-psych, etc. it doesn’t really matter, it’s inborn just like solipsism. This isn’t an excuse, “born this way” just means it’s something to be trained against and guarded against.

    Some, maybe many, women can be trained to control themselves to some degree. What does Proverbs 31 say about such a woman, isn’t is “rarer than rubies” or something similar? In a well ordered society women’s self control would be just expected. The various social circles would exert pressure in that way.

    We don’t live in that society. We live in the world where the “no rules for me!” song from Frozen is a kind of anthem for girls and women, specifically including a lot of the churchgoing ones. You Go Girlism is embedded into the culture, including a lot of church culture.

    Contentiousness is related to a lack of patience and quick temper. Those are neural pathways that can be enlarged or starved by social feedback. A man who is secure in his own frame of reference can train a woman to dial back the contentiousness, but it surely will be a lot easier if her family had already trained self control into her from an early age. It is an uphill fight at all ages, because bad behavior by men is strongly punished while bad behavior by women is rewarded in varying degrees. Including in plenty of churches….

    tl;dr AWALT but this is a bad-behavior tendency, not some kind of Newtonian physics experiment where the outcome is predetermined.

  26. Anonymous Reader

    Wow, that was an italic fail.

  27. Anonymous Reader

    Excellent summary, Nova.

    From a different angle: all the restrictions on women’s bad tendencies have been subdued or removed, while restrictions on men’s bad tendencies have been hugely increased. The result is toxic for both sexes in the long run. But in the short run, women can pretty much do as they please – especially 20-somethings.

  28. Daniel

    Toxic 31

    A vicious woman is common. She is worthless – lower than dirt.
    Her husband doesn’t trust her. She is ruining him.
    She will do him evil for the rest of his life.
    She is idle, and unwilling to work with her hands.
    She shops where it’s convenient no matter the cost.
    She likes to sleep in. She hates to cook.
    She has no business sense. She’s too lazy to garden.
    She overweight and out of shape.
    She doesn’t make anything: she likes to relax in the evening.
    She doesn’t sew.
    She has nothing for the poor; she won’t even look at the homeless.
    She is never prepared for anything: her children are neglected.
    Her clothing screams “low class.”
    Her husband doesn’t mention her in public. She is a liability.
    She does nothing of value.
    Weakness and shame are her clothing; and she shall weep in time to come.
    Her speech is constantly foolish; and her tongue is sharp and nasty.
    She neglects her household, and has nothing to show for her idleness.
    Her children disrespect her; her husband denounces her.
    There are many nasty women, but you are the worst of all.
    Your favour is deceitful, and your beauty is vain:
    A woman with no respect for Jehovah, she shall be condemned.
    Don’t give her anything. She has damned herself.

  29. thedeti

    all the restrictions on women’s bad tendencies have been subdued or removed, while restrictions on men’s bad tendencies have been hugely increased.

    Which is what I came here to say.

    Used to be that when the occasional woman’s femininity got toxic, usually through unrestrained hypergamy, sneaking around to slut around, etc. – there were effective countermeasures in the form of hard male power, specifically, her father. Her father had broad, sweeping power and authority over his children, into which police authority would interfere for only the most egregious of violations. Same with his wife – there was no such thing as “marital rape”. The very thought of police authority having greater presence in an individual man’s home than the man’s presence himself was anathema – a married man could not rape his wife. Local authorities did not – and could not – interfere.

    We don’t have that anymore. A husband and father really has no power over his family anymore. He has responsibilities in the form of paying for everything. But he has no authority to oversee anything, stop detrimental conduct, or even impose consequences for detrimental conduct. The meekest objections a man might make to a woman’s toxic femininity are met with withering criticism, condemnation, abuse, and deprivation. Wife will divorce him and accuse him of rape, domestic violence, and abuse, and have him jailed. Children will tell a teacher of spanking and physical restraint as physical abuse; of withholding of privileges as “emotional abuse”, of yelling at the kid as “verbal abuse”.

    Men have literally no power anymore to handle anything in their households. Men have only that power which their wives and children consent to, subject to the appellate court of pastors, police, and therapists.

  30. Novaseeker

    Men have literally no power anymore to handle anything in their households. Men have only that power which their wives and children consent to, subject to the appellate court of pastors, police, and therapists.

    Yes. This is the very meaning of the phrase “the personal is political”. It was the only way that the male trump card of strength/size in personal affairs (i.e., family life) could be upended and restrained — matters of family life, which were forever in the “private” sphere, for the most part, became matters of concern for the public sphere — because that was the only way women could, en masse, rein in the male trump card. Of course, that took millions of men wanting to do it, too — it was men, after all, who did the reining in — who enacted laws and enforced them. But the flipping of the private sphere into the public — the transformation of the personal to the political — was the masterstroke, and men fell for it hook, line and sinker.

    —-

    As an aside — one wonders — is there anything today that is really personal and not political? I suppose the matter of what one eats is still mostly left to the personal realm, although that is being eroded in some places (NY laws on sodas come to mind). There’s also the matter of where one spends Sunday morning (or the equivalent), which, so far, is still in the private sphere (although I doubt that persists more than another couple of decades, if that). Certainly everything pertaining to sexuality — other than, ironically, internet porn — is thoroughly politicized, as is everything relating to personal relationships.

    The ironic thing is that the popularizers of the politicization of personal life, and the shrinking of the private sphere, are doing so in the name of liberation and freedom, when in fact all they are ultimately doing is inviting the state power into more and more areas of life, such that there really isn’t that much left that isn’t subject to this or that aspect of the state power, and isn’t really “private”. We are all less free, as a result, overall, but it’s true that women are less subject to the male trump card in their personal lives thanks to the power of the state. That was the trade — the deal made with the devil, as it where, I think — made by men and women alike, because men and women alike supported this.

  31. Yes, Sigma Frame. Abuse of a neutral or even a good thing doesn’t make the thing itself inherently bad.

    Abuse of the natural inclination toward hypergamy doesn’t make hypergamy bad anymore than adultery, fornication or homosexuality make sex itself inherently bad.

    We don’t get to change the definition of things just because we don’t happen to like them or because someone -or even most people- abuse them.

  32. stmichaelkozaki

    deti: A husband and father really has no power over his family anymore. He has responsibilities in the form of paying for everything. But he has no authority to oversee anything, stop detrimental conduct, or even impose consequences for detrimental conduct.

    If we stay in the legal frame, agreed. But in the real world it’s simply not true. Like farting in an elevator, some things are outside the legal frame.

    Men I hang with still have full authority over family, wife & children. If anything, most wives seem bitter their men won’t lead more aggressively. Could these wives call the cops on husband? Sure. Could kids? Probably. But what then? In my world, men hold all the cards. Why? Because they can leave at any time. And live a damn good life without family responsibilities. Men who provide for, and lead, families are thus in serious demand circa 2017. In my case my wife is damn lucky to have me, and she knows it. Women marry up and they have a very short SMV lifespan (see Rollo’s famous graph). it’s a blunt reality that any man who is fit & self-actualized and 35-55 can walk out of his relationship for a 10 year younger model at any time (hell, I could even make my wife pay me child support were I to scheme a bit since she’s clueless about law, like most women worth marrying). But again, why would I?

    Look, men of even moderate quality still willing to lead families today are in serious shortfall. For a lot of the reasons you list. They thus command a high price in the MMP and women know it. Hell, women are even expected to work for life now and don’t handle this stress well physically (was just talking my a 40 yo hygienist, 20# extra, divorced, older kid, boyfriend…some Christmas!).

    In summary, law is only part of the story, and it’s not the most important part. Supply and demand in the MMP is real and powerful. Women have pissed in their traditional MMP. The remaining men? They run the table.

  33. Toxic femininity = the “normal” behavior of 21st Century American women.

    It really is that simple. That said, I too find myself taking issue with the idea of “toxic” femininity, if we accept the idea that “femininity” in a woman is an overall positive attribute. I really think a much more apt term is “toxic female behavior.”

  34. Daniel

    @feeriker

    Agreed. “Feminine” describes good attributes in a woman, and “masculine” describes good attributes in a man.

    There are bad behaviors that are specific to women, for example dressing like a harlot. That behavior is specifically “female” but not “feminine.” Modesty is “feminine.”

  35. Yoda

    Awesome this thread is

  36. Pingback: For The Children | Spawny's Space

  37. Pingback: Hypergamy is good | Christianity and masculinity

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