When Compassion Becomes Divorced From Reality

Reader Michael K alerted me to this this article yesterday, and I thought it was worth remarking on. The tagline is “Beware of false compassion in implementing Amoris Laetitia.” Its not long, but I won’t quote the whole piece. Instead, here is the relevant section:

Maybe my experience is atypical. But I doubt it. Statistically speaking, men are more likely than women to remarry after a divorce. And that’s just one way in which men typically fare better than women after the breakdown of a marriage. Divorced woman are disproportionately likely to have financial problems, health problems, emotional problems. In a word, they are apt to be women in need.

If Catholic pastors adopt a more open attitude toward divorce, along the lines suggested by Amoris Laetitia, will that attitude benefit the people most in need? As a practical matter, if pastors make a special point of welcoming divorced-and-remarried Catholics, will the benefits flow to the spouses who are abandoned, or to those who abandoned them?

Since the publication of Amoris Laetitia, much has been written about women who have been abandoned by one man and subsequently formed a new union with another. For every wife who is cruelly abandoned, there is a husband who cruelly abandoned her. He, too, might feel more comfortable if the Church relaxes her traditional insistence on the permanence of the marriage bond. Should he?

If women typically suffer more than men after a divorce, the children of a broken home often suffer even more. What sort of message do those children receive, when they see their father, who deserted them to live with another woman, sitting in the front pew with his attractive new partner, while they huddle in the back with their mother, all dressed in second-hand clothes?

Anyone notice a possible problem with what he said?

Well, lets start with the fact that the author mentions some statistics about divorce. Specifically, about who does better afterwards. But then he stops there. No further statistics come into play. Which is a pity. Because if they were, it would help show the error in his argument.

Because from there he essentially makes the argument that men are the primary beneficiaries in divorce, and thus are responsible for the problem.  In other words, all the blame falls on them. There is this implicit assumption throughout that men instigate divorce more than women. We know this isn’t true; in fact the complete opposite is the case. Women initiate most divorces.

Furthermore, look at that final sentence. Does anyone else find that, well, questionable? I mean, has the author ever heard of child support? The truth is usually the opposite- it is the mom who enjoying her ex-husbands income, while he is making do with less- living in a smaller apartment, driving an old car and struggling with finances. Of course, not always; but there are always exceptions.

Also consider this: if mom makes the poor decision re: divorce, why shouldn’t we expect her to make other poor decisions? Decisions which end up with her in a bad financial state? Poor decision makers have a habit of making poor decisions. That is common sense- which we all know is anything but common.

This is just another example of a classic white knight in action. [If I was Rollo I would probably insert here some comment about how this Catholic is saying that loosening the  Catholic approach to the divorce should be rejected because it interferes with the feminine imperative.] Compassion is a good thing. But we must not divorce compassion from reality, else wise we end up doing more evil than good. In this case, it would be poisoning the argument against AL by using faulty examples of where it fails Catholic teaching.


Filed under Blue Pill, Christianity, Churchianity, Civilization, Marriage, Moral Agency, Red Pill, Sin, The Church

11 responses to “When Compassion Becomes Divorced From Reality

  1. Lost Patrol

    Following the links to Phil’s bio is enlightening. He must know there is more to the story than he has elected to write about here. He’s been around for a while, has a large family, and has done research for several books. Why is he evading the frivorce for cash and prizes angle? What is his root motivation for this white knightery?

  2. @ LP

    It could be personal. He mentioned some examples- it might be his limited sample size includes men who were responsible for the divorce. Not impossible for a single person to experience.

  3. stmichaelkozaki

    Thanks for that takedown. You never fail me.

    This line really made me think: Also consider this: if mom makes the poor decision re: divorce, why shouldn’t we expect her to make other poor decisions? I’m thick. This never crossed my mind, but it’s bloody obvious when you point it out. Can go even further: she made bad choice getting married, too (unless a gold digger).

    Why women who want large families are the best bet for marriage. And men too. They have something at stake other than #1.

  4. fuzziewuzziebear

    I don’t think the Catholics should compromise over divorce. Having said that, if divorce impoverishes women and they are less likely to remarry, this is information that needs to be put out there to counteract the “whispers”.

  5. This is a great article.
    Why do they not state that most times even though dad pays child support whenever he comes for a visit his wife denies him visitation rights by saying his children are either sick or playing at a friends. Is it so much dead beat dads or vindictive mothers who give the dad no reason to support a child he cannot spend time with? Believe me when I volunteered at soup kitchens I heard too many horror stories from men whose ex wives bleed them dry of their wages and never allow them to see their children.
    Another thing is why do they not report on the statistics where women rape men (it is shockingly common, especially in England). Where is the mens protection for that?
    I am sick of this society constantly bashing us white Christen men.

  6. I find it sad that a Catholic wouldn’t acknowledge that the most common thing of fraudulent attempts to remarry is that everyone loses to sin and the whole community suffers to the extent they tolerate such abhorrent behavior

  7. Tim

    Men were socially conditioned to be disposable utilities for the benefit of women and the state. Socially brainwashed. Mind control.

    The man tax came long ago. Marriage, no-fault divorce, alimony, asset division, child support (alimony++), Title IX, Affirmative Action, SNAP, WIC, male only draft, men last in the life boats and hundreds of female-only programs codified into law. HUNDREDS. All legally codified oppression is now anti-male. THEY ARE ALL MAN-TAXES. TRILLIONS in wealth and power have been forcefully transferred from men to women via anti-male policies and laws. Men as a group built ALL upon the earth and were HUMAN SACRIFICED in ALL wars for the advancement of women & her true husband, the state. Those women that die in war die running from it, all the while shaming men that run as COWARDS.

    Marriage: A man getting down on one knee, offering up a diamond (the bigger the better) and vowing to provide for and protect his cherished bride (prostitute) for life. More MALE DISPOSABILITY.

    It’s all one huge, gynocentric, feminist, tradcon lie to force wealth and power from men to women & the state. ALL LIES. It’s the gyno-femmi-tradcon-anti-male matrix.

    But…but…but…the poor…poor…womenz! The suffering women! Man up! LOLz. Not buying.it. Game over. Let the strong, powerful & independent women folk fend for themselves.

  8. Where has this guy been living for the last fifty to sixty years? In a cave somewhere?
    Has he never heard of “No-Fault Divorce”? Or “strong, independent women who don’t need a man”? Or ‘Affirmative Action’?
    He needs to get himself and his data updated to modern times, NOT from before the 1960’s.
    This kind of pandering to misandric society and women doesn’t sell to the majority of men nowadays.

  9. quercus76

    “For every wife who is cruelly abandoned, there is a husband who cruelly abandoned her.”

    And for every husband who is cruelly abandoned, there is a wife extorting all his money through child support and alimony laws.

  10. Novaseeker

    And for every husband who is cruelly abandoned, there is a wife extorting all his money through child support and alimony laws.

    Yes, except writers like that guy would say this: “Only women are abandoned. Men are not abandoned, they are “left”, as in “his wife left him”, and when wives leave their husbands, they always have very good reasons for doing so, so it’s usually the man’s error or flaw that led her to do that to begin with.”

    Basically, it’s always the man’s fault — either he leaves his wife because he’s a cad, or he drives his wife to leave him because of his flaws, but either way, man bad/woman good.

    The reasons for this are all over Dalrock’s blog and are complex, but a significant part of it is that, as men, it feels awesome to take down other guys — it just feels good, it feels right, it feels righteous! But taking down women, now that feels creepy and bad and just wrong — pick on someone your own size, buddy. This is the core of the problem.

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