Leaden Weights

Apologies to everyone for the lack of posts these past few weeks. Free time has been sparse, and I have been trying to spend it wisely. Which usually means away from my computer. One of those activities as of late has been dancing. I’ve written on it before, when talking about the importance of a good smile for women. Now there are a few things I want to talk about: weight and following

One of the first things I noticed after taking up social dancing was how much of an impact a woman’s weight had while dancing. It is more difficult to lead around a woman who is overweight. And much more difficult to lead a woman who is significantly overweight. Not to mention, it is also less fun as well.

And being so close, I cannot help but notice that a woman being overweight is a huge turn off (pun intended). Weight has a significant impact when it comes to a woman’s SMV/MMV. A few dozen or so pounds really can be the difference between several points on the 1-10 scale (Deep Strength’s post here includes good example).  At the same time, a woman who can keep a healthy weight (18-22% body fat or so), can usually rate at least somewhat attractive for most men. All of which means that single women who want to have a chance of grabbing a good man should take care to keep their weight at a healthy level. As for married women, keeping the weight as close as possible to that level will help keep your husband attracted to you.

Another problem is when your follow doesn’t, you know, follow. I don’t mind so much when it is due to inexperience. In fact, if she is open to learning and improving, then I don’t mind teaching at all (in so far as I am able). That can actually be an enjoyable thing, and demonstrates the right kind of mindset. However, I don’t care much for a follow who wants to do her own thing.

Even if I can adapt to her “technique”, it is a lot more taxing than it should be and takes much of the fun out of dancing. If I can’t adjust quickly enough, then the dance both becomes awkward, and would look bad to anyone observing it. And again, the fun is gone. Perhaps someone with more experience and skill with me wouldn’t mind as much, but for someone trying to leave beginner status I’d rather not deal with it. All of which means that I keep a mental note of who is a good follow and who isn’t, and will dance accordingly.




Filed under Attraction, Femininity, Women

13 responses to “Leaden Weights

  1. Social dancing is a lot of fun, and I agree with your points about it being hard to dance with overweight women or women who don’t follow. The thing is though, if you both have the right frame it’s basically impossible for her not to follow. If she isn’t following well, it’s very likely because she isn’t keeping her frame (at least that’s the way it was when I learned two-stepping, I don’t know what kind of dancing you’re learning).

  2. Donal, as a further lurker (rss) I’m most intrigued. I’m in a similar boat– Christian (protestant but attending orthodox for the last two years, moving that way), an avid manosphere reader, and an experienced social dancer, 6 years across 3 different cities, salsa etc, kizomba and tango.

    What do you dance? What’s your impression of the people in the dance scene?

  3. I definitely agree excess weight is a huge detriment, but I find more so to a woman’s SMV. With regards to following, she can compensate with experience: supporting her own weight and focusing on being in tune with her lead.
    But with regards to attractiveness, she’s a 2/10 in my book. Maybe because I have a more heavy set frame (I can bulk easily but shedding fat is difficult), I only find very petite and naturally thin women attractive.

  4. Oh and one last thing– pay attention to her left elbow (on your right hand side) as she should be supporting her arm’s weight as it is laid on your shoulder– not letting 100% of the weight of her arm rest on yours. I have noticed that this tires out my shoulder and supporting arm very quickly. New dancers appreciate this advice.

  5. fuzziewuzziebear

    From reading Captain Capitalism for a while, it has made an impression on me, women who are resistant to your leading them should be avoided. If they won’t allow a man to lead on the dance floor, they won’t in any other aspect. In the meanwhile, I hope that you are having fun.

  6. MK

    jorx;…experienced social dancer, 6 years 3 cities, salsa etc, kizomba and tango…What’s your impression in the dance scene?

    Back acha! You’ve been around; care to share? Q1) What cities? Q2) How many women are good dancers (as good as you)? Q3) Any private dancing (homes, parties, church functions, etc)? Q4) Any thoughts/expereince on swing, electo-swing, Lindy? Q5) How’s tango? Q6) Favorite style for social dance & why? Q6) Any self-home practice, and if so, what? Q7) Any other thoughts would be appreciated…

    I’ve no agenda, just curious, interested in the trends.

  7. How fun! Great to have an enjoyable activity that also doubles as a filtering process. Any that won’t be led, off with their head! 🙂

  8. If you want to take on challenge of personal growth – get to a point where you can make the woman follow. It takes some social framing, skill, and rougher leading. With swing dancing, it could be done, and once you tamed the wild horse they were some of the more enjoyable dances.

    However, I know I married the easiest of follows I ever danced with. The dances are less… like a candy bar that melts and leaves, but more beautiful than any of the others could ever be.

    But I certainly am able to be a better husband, and dancer, for knowing how and when to have a heavy hand and lay fown the law to be followed

  9. dvdivx

    I have a friend who spend years doing salsa at close to pro level. Problem is now he doesn’t like dancing because most girls don’t know how to dance. The thin and attractive ones just think they are good by just showing up because no one tells them they suck at dancing. Older women don’t want to follow or are fat.

  10. MK! Alrighty then.

    Q1) What cities?
    Vancouver, Auckland, Seattle, and other nearby cities
    Q2) How many women are good dancers (as good as you)? Maybe the top 5%, they usually tend to be in good shape. But I dance with alot of beginners, the important thing to me is their attitude, not skill level. A pleasant attitude makes every dance pleasant.
    Q3) Any private dancing (homes, parties, church functions, etc)? Nope, social only, and house parties, but very little performing.
    Q4) Any thoughts/expereince on swing, electo-swing, Lindy? Have only danced a bit of lindy, but it’s a very challenging dance with huge realms to explore, like Salsa. However the lindy scene is far more liberal (many queers, lesbians) compared to salsa which is much more straight (owing in part to it’s latino background)
    Q5) How’s tango? Tango I’ve danced the least but has an older crowd following. More retirees, as it’s a “classy” dance, but still many stunning top dancers.
    Q6) Favorite style for social dance & why? I like salsa for meeting people, and Kizomba for connecting more physically (like a hug)
    Q6) Any self-home practice, and if so, what? No, but if I did, I’d be 3x better a dancer…
    Q7) Any other thoughts would be appreciated…
    Keep it fun! You want to dance regularly and you’ll get better over years, but always attend classes and learn at every level, otherwise you get stale.

  11. @ Jorx

    I am learning swing in several formats. I live in smaller area, but there is a good community of dancers with a wide variety of skills.

  12. Random Angeleno

    a bit late to this thread, but have some points:
    I always recommend learning social dance to shy men as it is an excellent low pressure environment for interacting with women. Learning frame, leadership and small talk can carry over to other areas in life as well as women. Bonus points for learning how to flirt with women.

    With regard to women who don’t follow: I’m a good enough dancer that I no longer hesitate to correct them on the spot. It’s often a case of a woman getting started learning to dance, in which case I just need to tell them to relax and let me lead, don’t anticipate me and they will be open to that. Rare is the case of a woman who simply won’t follow even after my gentle instructions. Very rare in my experience, but it does happen. I’ll tease her about liking wrestling more than dancing and then I’ll never dance with her again.

    One more thing I enjoy about social dance: there tends to be fewer very overweight women as compared to the general population one might find in the local Walmart.

  13. MK

    Jorx, thanks for that detailed reply. Tons of good info there.

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