Groundless Fears Of Men About Their Daughters

[DG Note: Today’s post is a guest post by reader/commenter Tigersault (formerly A Visitor)]

 

Men today, regarding their daughters, act and think like women.  Sure, being foolish is a surefire way to end up with your genetic lineage being annihilated but I’m not talking about that here.  What I’m talking about is how men when confronted with the painfully obvious fact that most women (I’m talking a majority well over 50%) do not and, more importantly, SHOULD NOT attend a university/college, they immediately start thinking and acting like women regarding a range of possible scenarios that more often than not DO NOT COME TO PASS.

 

This post will examine three points: 1) the obvious dangers of sending your daughter(s) to a university/college 2) the various scenarios that men come up with to rationalize sending their daughters to university/college and 3) what happens in the rare scenario that something does happen.  All three of these will be backed up with personal anecdotes when possible.  Yes, exceptions do not break the rule but bear with me here.

 

Before delving into these three points, an aside about myself:  I come from a very well-to-do upper class background and, in the current occupation I am in, I deal with death on a semi-regular basis as part of my job duties.  Beyond that, I am prepared to say nothing more due to wishing to keep my anonymity.

 

First, the obvious dangers of sending your daughter(s) to university/college.  They bear repeating.  One of two things (or possibly both) will happen:  1)  your daughter will come out a flaming liberal and/or feminist and/or 2) she will lose her virginity, potentially becoming an alpha widow, and/or have so many sexual partners that she will become unmarriable except to the most beta schlub.

 

In my family’s case, one sibling came out a raging feminist.  Even in a certain situation where she disliked someone who was a woman, when hearing that a certain requirement had to be met of all individuals, regardless of gender, she was quick to ascertain the woman was not being asked to fulfill said requirement only due to gender.  Furthermore, she buys the campus rape myth.  My girlfriend asked the following question, “Was [your sibling] like this before she went to college?”  My response, “Not that I recall.”  My sibling’s feminism is complimented by acceptance of homosexuality and transsexualism.  In another sibling’s case, she wears the pants in the relationship with my in-law.  She may not admit it but she’d be happier submitting to his headship.  And yes, this sibling views anti-homosexuality as being bigoted.

 

Finally, on the obvious dangers point, although a woman’s promiscuity may precede her time at a college/university, being in that environment certainly will not do wonders in terms of maintaining her chastity.  Whether it be the greeters of a southern university or two (Google it if you don’t believe me) being recruited as de-facto geishas to entice high school senior football players to attend their university for obvious benefits or just your run of the mill attractive girl, the environment in college/universities is generally not conducive to maintaining one of her most prized assets, namely being chaste.  In one instance, I was at a tailgate with an individual that I had met the previous night.  We were talking when suddenly he recognized one of my classmates and decided to leave.  The reason?  He had had a one night stand with her.

 

Second, when you bring up to men that their daughters would be better off not going to college/university a stream of woman rationalizations comes forth.

 

1) “What if she can’t find a man to marry?”

 

2) “What if her husband turns out to be horrid and she has to separate due to physical security concerns?”

 

3) “What if she needs to hold herself over with work for a bit before she marries?”

 

4) “What if her husband dies and she has to go back to work?”

 

“What if….”

 

The above questions can be perceived as legitimate concerns but upon further examination are debunked easily.  However, as one can see, this line of questioning can go on indefinitely.  Before moving on to point 3 of the post (the rare case the worst comes to pass), ask yourself this question: is it really, assuming she’ll be attending a four year in state public university, worth shelling out roughly $80,000 for a piece of paper that in many cases is worth as much as a high school degree due to market over saturation or, in the case of worthless majors like ethnic studies or women’s studies, worth less than a normal degree AND a huge red flag to future employers?  Keep in mind too that beyond all the time and effort they spend on said degree, they will have a lot of down time around alcohol and late teens/early 20’s men with the same amount of raging hormones they do.

 

So, what if the worst comes to pass?  We’ll hit this in the order of the questions numbered in the paragraph on point two of this post.  1) What if she can’t find a man to marry?  Well, it may certainly not be too late.  However, ask yourself this?  What can a man bring to the table nowadays if women are told, from an extremely young age, that they can be anything they want AND do anything as well, if not better, than a man?  If she can’t find a man, don’t despair.  If she’s young enough, keep an eye on quality boys that she interacts with regularly.  If she is post college, put her in situations where she is around eligible men, especially parish life.  Make a point to strike up conversations with parents of men who are looking to marry.  Make sure she dresses modestly and that she acts like a woman.  These two things alone separate from the vast majority of bottom feeders in women’s bodies nowadays.  If she cannot in fact, despite your and her best efforts, find a man to marry, through no fault of her own, see to it that she’s well taken care of: have her work for a family member or friend in a secure line of work.  Support her as needed, emotionally, spiritually, monetarily.

 

2)  “What if her husband turns out to be horrid and she has to separate due to physical security concerns?”  Those vows she took in the Sacrament of Marriage are binding until death due them part.  So, what now?  Do what is needed to make sure he won’t harm her: i.e. restraining order, firearms training for her, followed by making sure she is in a safe place to live, whether it be your house, a trusted family friend, etc.

 

3) “What if she needs to hold herself over with work for a bit before she marries?” Pretty much see point 1.  Introduce her to God-fearing righteous men, looking to marry.  Let her live in your house until marriage.  So far it’s worked out fine for my parents.  From personal experience, one sibling is married and the other is in the house until she marries.  It is working fine thus far.

 

4) “What if her husband dies and she has to go back to work?”

 

I have two experiences with this.  First, a friend of mine who is advanced in years had a daughter he supports due to her husband no longer being in the picture.  My friend is not very well off and yet manages to do it.  I cannot recall for certain if her husband is deceased but I believe he is.

 

Second, in my course of work, someone I knew professionally was murdered along with several others in a random killing several months back.  Besides my professional obligations in aiding his widow, others in the state, as well as her parish have banded together to help the family of the deceased.  This is not a one time thing either, regarding the parishioners.  This is a continued process of supporting her as she works to support her family.

 

As horrible and tragic as the situation is for her and her children, we are committed to continuing to help her.  Everyone, regardless of how desolate their situation seems, knows at least one other person that would help them in their time of need.  And yes, to my knowledge, his widow did not attend college.  I say that due to knowing them enough professionally that it is obvious and will say nothing further on it.

 

To conclude, men today, especially regarding their daughters, will delve into irrational thinking and acting like women when it comes to the subject of their daughters not attending college/university.  Is it worth them a) turning their backs on what you’ve taught them re: the Faith, b) becoming flaming liberals c) losing their virginity/being so unchaste as to be unmarriable due to N count, STD(s), being an alpha widow and/or d) spending a great deal of your money on an investment that most likely will not be worth it?  There are several “what ifs” addressed above with personal experiences where appropriate and likely scenarios when no personal anecdote was available.

 

In closing, as my girlfriend and I have discussed before if we get married, we are looking to marry off our daughters as soon as possible.  Raising chaste, Catholic, feminine princesses to be queens, imbued with truly traditional values, who have God first, their husbands and families close behind, rather than a career, is worth dividends in the end, as well as a way to continue our way of life.

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24 Comments

Filed under Alpha Widow, Churchianity, Civilization, Marriage, Marriage Market Place, Moral Agency, Parenting, Red Pill, Sexual Market Place, Sin, Temptation, Women

24 responses to “Groundless Fears Of Men About Their Daughters

  1. Pingback: Groundless Fears Of Men About Their Daughters – Manosphere.org

  2. Pretty much what I’ve experienced when discussing this with others.

    This is the father version of the exception temptation.

    https://deepstrength.wordpress.com/2016/06/11/the-exception-temptation/

    Abject irrational fear and/or rebellion under the guise of prudence or discernment.

  3. MK

    Very thoughtful post.

    To my mind the most important reason for a girl to go to college is the breeding options, especially at trad religious schools. It’s where the men from good families, good breeding, and higher IQ are (IQ has the highest correlation to marriage stability of any variable I’ve seen; even Hillary and Huma are still married). Less-than-beautiful or charming women I know tend to marry well if they just get into the right place when young.

    I don’t see “not” going to college solving anything tho (except saving a lot of money). The girls in who stay home where I’m from truly enter into the “slut zone” (and with a lot lower-class men).

    I think the best thing parents can do is raise their daughters with no TV, to work hard, to be feminine, and expose them to environments with religious men. Those are the best odds. And how many people do you know with no TV? But in the end, it’s her call, it’s her funeral.

  4. I don’t see “not” going to college solving anything tho (except saving a lot of money). The girls in who stay home where I’m from truly enter into the “slut zone” (and with a lot lower-class men).

    I don’t agree 100% with this but MK makes a point worth considering. The mutually exclusivity inherent in the idea that a young woman either stays home and does the home arts or moves away to go to college ignores a range of possible (and acceptable!) options in between.

  5. In regards to “what if her husband dies”, this is precisely what life insurance is for. If the husband is responsible, he will get a large, cheap, term policy to provide for his family if he dies. If he’s not responsible, the father might be able to get a policy instead to help his daughter if that happened.

  6. If you send your children to college it should be close by and/or get them plugged in with a local Church (ideally with a campus ministry of some sort) and a community of Christian friends.

    If you just leave them to their own devices… well… that usually ends poorly.

  7. Huma is separating from her husband who can’t seem to stop showing his Weiner to other women.

  8. I went to college, about to graduate in a semester.

    Nothing happened to me though my parents are well off and were able to send me to an all women’s college so no boy temptations there! Lol

  9. Anonymous Reader

    The artistic term in question is “taking counsel of fears”, letting the emotion of fear override reason and common sense. Yes, men who think of their daughters this way are giving in to emotion; you might say that they have “gotten in touch with their feminine side”. Ahem.

    Elspeth
    The mutually exclusivity inherent in the idea that a young woman either stays home and does the home arts or moves away to go to college ignores a range of possible (and acceptable!) options in between.

    It’s a false dichotomy brought on by the “Everyone MUST go to Kollidge!” chorus of the last 30 or 40 years. Given the things that can and do happen to young women sent hundreds or thousands of miles away to some Huge State U. the temptation to keep them home in the house doing the dishes is strong. It’s also just false. Not everyone is college material. Plenty of work needs doing that someone is willing to pay for. Women who work for money should be more flexible, the better to fit into a husband’s family.

    Deep Strength
    If you send your children to college it should be close by and/or get them plugged in with a local Church (ideally with a campus ministry of some sort) and a community of Christian friends.

    Completely agree. Commuter campuses are quite common in any city. Online learning is easier and some of it has certification.

    Given all the things that can be done at home via telecommuting, college becomes less and less needed anyway. A set of skills that can be used to benefit others is something I would want every young adult to possess.

    But to return to the top: fear is an emotion that no man should let get the better of him. Nothing good comes out of letting fear get the upper hand.

  10. Zhou

    Hi Donal, first time posting here. I found out about the Manosphere via Deep Strength, and I’d thought I’d start posting on this website, which I think is a very valuable resource for young Christian men.

    My two cents:

    Another problem Christian parents (and this is a problem for both sexes) fail to realize when sending their children to post-secondary, especially in a liberal place, say, Vancouver, British Columbia, is the onslaught of secular, liberal, and atheistic worldviews that bombard young adults. The problem is very distressing for young persons of the faith who have not been properly trained in apologetics (and yes, the church definitely needs apologetics) and walk a spiritually and morally pure life. So, not only would she be exposed to liberal, feminist viewpoints (and would most certainly be catering to liberal-minded professors; let’s face it, in Arts programs, you’re not writing your thoughts out, you’re writing what the prof wants to here), and harsh athestic/agnostic worldviews where they are ill-equipped to deal with.

  11. Ame

    there are so many options now.

    i went to a private, Christian, university in the 80’s … and everything found everywhere else was found there with one exception – it was still perceived as unacceptable there, so it was done more under-the-table, behind closed doors, but everyone showed up in church on Sunday! that town also, during those years, had one of the highest percentages of abortions per capita b/c of all the christian college girls who got pregnant.

    idk it the christian college prevented anything … though it did provide other avenues for those who truly wanted to live out their Christian faith … but it also taught well how to live one way behind closed doors and another in public.

    – – – – – – –

    overall …
    (1) i agree that we should not be ruled by fear, but we should acknowledge fear as a warning to make proactive choices. the fears that we have raising our daughters in this day and age are real. and i think that for fathers who realize the gravity of the responsibility of the authority God has given them in protecting their daughters, this is huge. HUGE.

    (2) each child should be handled individually. i have one daughter who, if she wanted to go away to college (which she doesn’t) i think could withstand all the pressure. my other daughter who *thinks* she wants to go away to college is one whom i know cannot withstand the pressure b/c she cannot say ‘no’ even to her friends. regardless, if one did go away at some point in the future, there will be very clear and strict guidelines, and i will be deeply involved in their lives, as i am now.

    (3) imo, giving our daughters a safe place to live under our roofs until/if they marry someday is, again imo, critical. forcing them out into the world, forcing them to live in an apartment or on campus or away from home to ‘grow up’ is not a good thing. my girls both know they have a place to live here as long as they need/desire.

  12. Besides the fact that there are many options for post secondary education which don’t include a young woman leaving home, there are other things that are based in reality and not fear. My husband wanted our girls to all obtain degree and he is not a fearful man at all.

    Most men these days (save a very small minority) have some expectation of a wife who can earn money and will earn money until the first child is born. This is as true for very conservative, religious men who want their wives to raise the children at home as it is for other men.

    Many men view attainment of a 4-year-degree as a proxy for a better marriage risk. The numbers bear out that -again- these men are not being ruled by fear, but facts.

  13. @Zhou: I agree. One must have a solid foundation in apologetics and be able to logically and factually defend their faith otherwise they will crumble in the college setting. As long as you have the faith, morality and chastity and everything else will flow from there. But if you stop believing…what will be the foundation for your morality??

  14. One thing I forgot is that barely any Christian parents educate their children about liberalism/feminism//etc and actually provide them with information on why these ideas are flawed. When they go out and learn why all of these ideas are “good” from a liberal university it’s very easy to be deceived.

    The goal is not to keep children “away” from the world but to educate them on how to be “set apart” from the world. This would include educating them about these other ideas from others (otherwise they WILL hear it from others anyway — school, non-Christian friends, etc).

  15. MK

    Elspeth, MK makes a point worth considering: mutually exclusivity inherent in the idea that a young woman either stays home and does the home arts or moves away to go to college ignores a range of possible (and acceptable!) options in between.

    Just to be clear before I get roasted: I didn’t make that point & don’t even much agree with it.

    Ame, went to private, Christian, university in 80’s

    “Christian” can mean anything. It thus means nothing. The things you speak of simply don’t happen at trad schools with solid leadership (i.e., trad priests w/ lifetime vows of chastity, poverty, obedience). I know too many of the girls who return (most have 5-10 kids w/in 10 yr or are nuns). Liberals flee them like a vampire from holy water.

    Elspeth, Most men these days have expectation of a wife who can earn money and will earn money until the first child is born.

    True. Hell, and not just “until the first child”. And college is a good proxy for brains & money; so girls who go make better genetic options on average.

    This is as true for very conservative, religious men who want their wives to raise the children at home as it is for other men.

    “Conservative” can mean anything. Thus it means nothing. In my world, the men you speak of are not “conservative” nor “religious”. It’s all where you come from. And most people marry from their own social circle.

  16. Just to be clear before I get roasted: I didn’t make that point & don’t even much agree with it.

    Well, pardon me. I was agreeing with your point about staying home as a panacea or college as necessarily the death of all things good and right. But I stand corrected.

    “Conservative” can mean anything. Thus it means nothing. In my world, the men you speak of are not “conservative” nor “religious”. It’s all where you come from. And most people marry from their own social circle.

    Yes, yes. We all know that the only standard that matters is the standard as presented by your interpretation of Catholic doctrine and all that. Got it. This is what I mean and perhaps we can find common ground:

    A man who follows the 10 commandments. A man who does not live according to the dictates of his flesh (use Galatians 5:19-21 as a solid baseline). A man whose word is good, who keeps his commitments, and believes in the sacredness of marriage. Open to children, raising them with home and church as their primary influences. Let’s start there.

    There are men who meet these standards who are not Catholic, and who do not think it is unreasonable or sinful for a woman to have post secondary education or a job earning money to help get the family started before the babies come.

    I say again, there are a LOT of these sorts of men in the church (more than those who do NOT want a woman with a degree).

  17. If the husband is responsible, he will get a large, cheap, term policy to provide for his family if he dies.

    An insurance professional I know would recommend whole life, not term life, and in fact only carries whole life on himself. The reason is because term life policies expire after so many years**, whereas whole life policies are good until the day you die, aka, for your whole life. Term policies are only good to get to cover temporary situations, such as to cover a mortgage or other large amounts of debt that you may have, so that paying off the debt doesn’t interfere with other living expenses that your beneficiaries will need to have covered for the rest of their lives. So if a husband gets a life insurance policy to provide for his wife after he dies, he should get a whole life policy, not term life.

    **There is never a claim made on about 90% of term life policies because they usually expire before the policy holder dies.

  18. Anonymous Reader

    Many men view attainment of a 4-year-degree as a proxy for a better marriage risk. The numbers bear out that -again- these men are not being ruled by fear, but facts.

    That’s a very good point, because that degree demonstrates future time orientation, perseverance and other good character traits. I’m sure we agree that said degree needs to be in something that people will pay for, and that the process for sure doesn’t require sending 18 year old girls/women into the giant mosh pit of anonymity that many large uni’s have become.

    And again there’s more and more online stuff.

    The first step is to kill the fear. Rational concern is not fear; teaching a child how to ride a bicycle properly is not the same thing as hovering over them every time they go out for a ride, for example.

  19. MK

    E, Well, pardon me. I was agreeing with your point about staying home as a panacea or college as necessarily the death of all things good and right. But I stand corrected.

    Wake up on the wrong side of the bed? I made no real claim at all except that 1) I don’t know the answer & 2) college has advantages for girls who marry. I don’t doubt there is an answer, I just don’t know. The only reason I responded was to prevent getting accused later of saying something I don’t believe. What’s your grief?

    Yes, yes. We all know that the only standard that matters is the standard as presented by your interpretation of Catholic doctrine. Got it.

    Wrong side of the bed…again? My only point was demonstrating how terms like “Christian” or “conservative” in our multicultural society just confuse and distract from any meaningful discussion. Nowhere did I claim to be a conservative or religious “standard” (I find this funny, since many think I’m a flaming liberal, i.e. I’m not a fundamentalist & I’m a hard-core Darwinist).

    So can you please dispense accusing me of pimping my personal belief system every 5 minutes? I have done no such thing. What I’m doing: making points apropos to a discussion about female ed in the hope it actually goes somewhere (It concerns me).

    And finally: I don’t even have a personal belief system. I just try to obediently follow somebody else. If anything I say contradicts this and the Saints, I’m in error.

    Cassie, insurance professional would recommend whole life

    Always thought a man better off saving his money & teaching wife to take care of herself. We’ve never bought insurance except medical and car.

  20. @ MK

    Always thought a man better off saving his money & teaching wife to take care of herself. We’ve never bought insurance except medical and car.

    The only way that method would be good enough for taking care of the wife and kids if the husband dies is if he has a substantial amount of money saved to cover things. For example, the average funeral these days is around $12,000. Then if the wife doesn’t already work full-time outside the home, there would need to be a large enough sum of money saved, in addition to the amount needed to cover the funeral, to enable her to get by until she can find a good enough job to support herself and the kids. How many men do you know have that kind of money saved up before several decades of their adult lives? Also, the insurance professional had told me that life insurance benefits aren’t taxable at death, but whatever you have in the bank as well as physical property you own is. So there’s more of that potentially saved money gone. It’s very irresponsible for a husband to leave his wife in that kind of a bind.

  21. 1) “What if she can’t find a man to marry?”

    3) “What if she needs to hold herself over with work for a bit before she marries?”

    These are definitely not good excuses to send a daughter to college. And actually, sending her to college would be counter productive to resolving those fears. For example, if you’re in college, you’re (more than likely) not earning money, you’re spending it. Tons of it. And if you do have a job while in college, you’re likely not earning enough money to cover the costs of college and living expenses both. And if you’re not, then you’re gonna come out of college under a mountain of debt, unless you’re fortunate enough to have your education paid for by rich parents and/or scholarships/grants.

    I didn’t go to college (except for taking APP classes during high school and a few random classes at a community college since then just for interest in the subject matter). And I’m better off for it financially (which seems to be the basis behind those fears – whether or not the daughter can provide for herself). Sure my job isn’t a super high paying one, but it’s enough to pay my bills without struggling (barring unexpected things happening). But the advantage is that I don’t have all those student loans that so many single women my age who did go to college have. So I’d say I’m financially better off than most of my college educated peers that are still unmarried at my age.

  22. MK

    Cassie,

    It’s very irresponsible for a husband to leave his wife in that kind of a bind.

    No bind; wife handles herself, just like husband if she dies. Funeral? Just a plot (have one) & DIY (say $2k, like a wedding). Easy. Don’t worry be happy.

    Look, the welfare state is massive. I know, I’ve been voting against it while funding it for 20 years. I only HOPE my wife can use it when I die :-)!

    True insurance? 1) FAMILY, 2) live frugal/save, 3) eat right/exercise, 4) keep money in protected vehicles (anticipate medical bankruptcy). But there is no security in this life. We all gonna die ugly. Most insurance is a modern invention to avoid dependence on family (there are exceptions).

  23. I have none of those fears about sending my daughter to college. She’s been well groomed to take care of herself in various situations. And she’s already had to! Am I worried about her? Of course! Do I believe that she’ll always make the right decision? Absolutely!

    YMMV

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