What Will She Think Of Me? -Masculine Monday- #9

*Men Only*

My last Masculine Monday post was aimed at helping men in their interactions with women. Specifically, it was all about saying “No” to women. This post continues that trend, and was inspired in part by Dalrock’s most recent post.

One of the most important flaws that a man needs to excise from his mind is the question we are inclined by both nature and culture to ask: What will she think of me?

We need to stop caring what women think of us. We need to stop worrying that the girl we like might get a bad impression about us. We need to let go of our anxiety about what impact our actions will have on the way that women view us.

Letting go of this bad habit will only make our life that much better; including with women. Seriously, I speak from personal experience here. Many of strongest reactions (read, IOIs) I have gotten in my life are from the women I have cared the least about (at least as far as their opinion of me is concerned). A lot of PUAs say pretty much the same thing, at least from my limited understanding of them.

This ties in a bit with what “Game” types call an abundance mentality. I will save the definition for others, but there is a solid connection here. Having an abundance mentality requires a mindset in a man where he can let a woman go without a second thought. That mindset requires in turn that a man not care about what women (specifically that woman) think of him.

So guys, stop asking yourself: “what will she think of me?” when you are trying to decide something. Instead, ask yourself what God will think of you. After all, His is the only opinion that matters.

As always with this series, my readers are encouraged to offer their own thoughts, suggestions and tips on the subject.

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13 Comments

Filed under Blue Pill, Masculinity, Men, Red Pill, Women

13 responses to “What Will She Think Of Me? -Masculine Monday- #9

  1. Michael Kozaki

    Great post. I lacks the Donal traditional touch tho. How’s this: The “abundance mindset” comes from living a life others want to be part of.

    My thought? the “abundance mindset” guy believes Robbin’s big 7:
    #1 Everything happens for his benefit.
    #2 There is no failure, only learning.
    #3 Whatever happens, take responsibility.
    #4 No need to understand it to use it.
    #5 People are the greatest resource.
    #6 Work is play.
    #7 Commitment means success.

  2. I think of it more as a ‘leadership mentality.’ There are many people I could lead, and many that I do in specific ways. What care does a leader have for the opinion of those he leads? Very little beyond what is necessary for them to follow him where he goes. It is not to say that there is no care, but that the care is, in itself, a tool. It is a sign painted in actions of the leader to say “look at where I am, and where I go. If you want this, give me your hand NOW and follow me, for I continue on whether you come or not.”

    As Michael says, with faith there is only benefit. With faith we only come to know God and learn of him with every step. We are culpable for those steps for ourselves and our followers. We need not understand God’s ways, only travel them to rest at His breast. Souls are the greatest gift we can give, and the one we must care most for of all is our own, then our spouse’s (or future spouse’s), and then our children. We are joyful in service. And we commit our all, body, mind, and soul, to run the race; she has to keep up or shut up to let us carry her.

    But first, she has to see our path and give her hand. Show her the way or keep on going. Don’t wait for lost sheep of women that willfully start acting like goats.

    [DG: Well said, Chad.]

  3. @ Michael

    I apologize that my post was not up to my usual standards. In my defense I have been… wearied… as of late. Hopefully I can pick up the quality in the future.

  4. Oh, and I didn’t really mean this post to explore the “abundance mindset.” Just wanted to mention it as a point of comparison.

  5. A Visitor

    “This ties in a bit with what “Game” types call an abundance mentality. I will save the definition for others, but there is a solid connection here. Having an abundance mentality requires a mindset in a man where he can let a woman go without a second thought. That mindset requires in turn that a man not care about what women (specifically that woman) think of him.”

    For anyone wondering if it works, it does. I use this mindset in business. If a client won’t buy from me, there’s someone else that will.

    “So guys, stop asking yourself: “what will she think of me?” when you are trying to decide something. Instead, ask yourself what God will think of you. After all, His is the only opinion that matters.”

    Dead on.

  6. Pingback: A good fit | Christianity and the manosphere

  7. Michael Kozaki

    Donal, as I said I think the post is great. I just hoped for more “traditional approach” advice. Good post.

    DS,…you shouldn’t using abundance mentality but rather searching for a woman who is a good fit for you. A woman who loves Jesus, has the hots for you…

    I would advise against this search. Rather, I would improve oneself, get into the river of life, and enjoy. Any man physically fit, well groomed (tailored clothing) who lives with purpose will have an abundance mindset. He won’t be pretending. Everyone (girls included) want to be part of this guy’s life. I know I do. But I know less than 1% of men who qualify. There is a massive shortage of them (try hiring people these days). I pity my daughters.

    Men love using God/Jesus/Scripture as a “crutch” to excuse their being lame (to justify vice). But the same vices that make men unattractive to women make them unattractive to everyone (Jesus too). Laziness. Sloth. Lack of courage. Lack of care. Real masculine virtue is attractive.

  8. @ Michael

    I would advise against this search. Rather, I would improve oneself, get into the river of life, and enjoy. Any man physically fit, well groomed (tailored clothing) who lives with purpose will have an abundance mindset. He won’t be pretending. Everyone (girls included) want to be part of this guy’s life. I know I do. But I know less than 1% of men who qualify. There is a massive shortage of them (try hiring people these days). I pity my daughters.

    I agree maximizing masculinity and physical fitness goes a long way toward improving shall we say match rate. But it’s a bit dangerous to assume women will flock. The problem is not every man can get to top 1% of attractiveness as height, build, and good facial genetics go a long way towards handsomeness. Not every man has that. Race also plays a role.

    If you are in the top 1% and women are flocking to be with you then you were probably already in the top 20% to begin with and have good interest from women. Most men will still have to be proactive in maximizing opportunities to meet women.

  9. Pingback: An Abundance Of Concern | Donal Graeme

  10. Michael Kozaki

    DS, I’m not sure we disagree. I’m just not being very clear. Let me try again:

    1) Each man has natural talents and weaknesses and positions himself in the social order based on this reality.
    2) <1% of all men are physically fit (able to run a marathon, do 25 pull-ups & 50 push-ups), dress well (tailor all clothes), and lives life with purpose (no TV/video games, works hard, lives serious, never sleeps in). This guy is living out his belief system, not just talking about what he believes.

    If a man who does #2? He's hired! Women in his circle of social "equals" are very, very interested. Women will dump their couch potato boyfriends (and sadly even husbands) for this guy. He will shoot up social circles without trying. Why? He is the cleanest shirt in a very dirty laundry pile. Women want him, employers want him, friends want him around (hell, I want him around); there is a serious shortage of these guys in any social circle.

  11. feeriker

    So guys, stop asking yourself: “what will she think of me?” when you are trying to decide something. Instead, ask yourself what God will think of you. After all, His is the only opinion that matters.

    Exactly.

    In fact, stop and think for a moment: how many people of either sex do you know whose opinion of you you really care about? My list is in the single digits – on the low end.

  12. My list is in the single digits – on the low end.

    I’ve never compiled a list- I probably should- but I imagine that it too would be on the low end of single digits.

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