Masculine Monday- #8

*Men Only*

Short and simple post today, with a short and simple message to men:

Learn how to say “No” to women.

Seriously, if you have trouble with it now, learn to do it. Your life will become so much better for it.

And, dare I say, so will the lives of most of the women who are part of it.

I might be a bit presumptuous here, but I think most men spend a lot of time trying to get women to say “Yes” to various things. But learning to say “No” to when when necessary can get you just as much. In fact, I would warrant a guess that you saying “No” just might be a factor in her saying “Yes.”

This is easier said than done, of course. We men have an instinctive desire to please women. We don’t like it when when are upset. And of course, we are fearful of being tagged a misogynist or the like.  Couple that with a Western upbringing indoctrination, and most men in the West end up as the ones saying “Yes.”

So perhaps some of my male readers would be kind enough to offer their advice on how they learned to overcome all of that.  Guys, what happened you learn to say “No” to women?

[This post was inspired by Dalrock’s recent examination of how many Christian leaders are fearful of telling the women in their congregation “No” in any way, especially the important ones.]

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7 Comments

Filed under Alpha, Beta, Blue Pill, Men, Moral Agency, Red Pill, Women

7 responses to “Masculine Monday- #8

  1. Honestly, it’s all a gradual process of learning.

    Talking to women you’re interested is nerve racking until you do it a lot. Asking women out on dates is scary until you do it a lot. Likewise, learning to say ‘no’ is scary until you do it a lot. Then it just becomes the norm.

    I think the key is to understand that they most anyone (not just women) can do when you say no is be upset. They’ll be upset and then it will pass. It’s no big deal in the end.

    I think working a customer service or front counter or waiter type job helps significantly with developing social skills just because of the large amount of people you are exposed to. If you’re a parent, force your kids to introduce themselves and play with lots of different children and adults early so they grow up fearless socially. Once they have experience with that, teaching them other concepts that are potentially scary is much easier.

  2. @DG:

    “Couple that with a Western our contemporary upbringing indoctrination, and most men in the West end up as the ones saying “Yes.””

    Fixed it for you. It’s not just a problem that you guys in the West face. It’s just as prevalent and bad for us in the East too.

    But thanks for this post.

  3. Coastal

    I think it’s just as important to learn how to say no as it is to say it in the first place. Deep Strength’s post about women needing ‘flavor with food’ touches on this. Correcting someone with a serious/stern attitude might lead to you appearing bitter, while doing it with a sense of humor (even a small smirk) helps the ‘pill’ go down more easily.

    With that in mind, I’ve noticed that women tend to be pretty receptive when you correct them on something. The initial ‘nice guy’ fear pops up, but when you push past that and tell her the truth, often she’ll be thankful for it, and her respect for you goes up a little.

  4. @ Coastal

    Yep, flavor helps a lot. Pure Truth is bitter and often simply “distasteful.”

  5. Michael Kozaki

    Guys, what happened you learn to say “No” to women?

    I’m messed up. I’ve never cared about telling women “no”. The whole chivalrous thing is stupid and I’ve no urge to participate. I do try to be Christian and don’t like to tell anyone weak “no”, male or female, so try to help when I can. I even give money to bums sometimes. But I treat women pretty much like men.

    I do think women of higher quality probably disrespect chivalrous men more than normal because any man who cares what she thinks is a pretty sorry sight (women know themselves too well). Could be wrong. Don’t care.

  6. A Visitor

    “So perhaps some of my male readers would be kind enough to offer their advice on how they learned to overcome all of that. Guys, what happened you learn to say “No” to women?”

    An ex had the gall to ask if she could stay at my place after breaking up with me for a few days during Spring Break one year. I told her no. That was the end of that.

  7. Anonymous Reader

    Deep Strength answered it. Learn by doing.
    Neuroplasticity as discussed in the book on addiction Biology of Desire tells me that I can rewire my responses to a greater extent than I previously believed, and should do so.

    Too many men both in and outside of churches are still brainwashed with equalitarianism, and as an added layer of guilt the Golden Rule is taught often in a kind of appeasing way. Combine the fallacy that men and women are the same with appeasing Golden Rule and you get betaized men who cringe at the idea of confronting bad behavior in women, because they themselves dont really want to be challenged to a fight.

    A married man probably should practice saying “no” to his wife on a regular basis, with zero explanation, just to train her own neuroplastic brain to accept it. Sure, style points matter – flat “no” is better than dramatic NOO! and “nah” with a smirk is better still. But any betaized man needs to start somewhere.

    No explaining unless necessary. Women actually don’t want those long “becaue blah da vah da gah” explanations anyway, they want “no. Not that. This instead” clear guidance.

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