Masculine Monday- #4

*Men only*

Over the ages a lot of philosophers have lectured on the importance of knowing oneself. Setting aside any deeper mystical meaning some of them might have had in such statements, there is definitely a kernel of truth in this. As a man you need to be aware of your strengths, and your weaknesses, in order to effectively carry out your life’s whatever that may be.

For a man looking to attract and hopefully marry a worthy woman, knowing yourself is especially vital. For one, such knowledge might clue you in to a glaring weakness that would get in the way of your interactions with women. Second, truly knowing yourself can help you determine the kind of woman you want or need as a mate. Third, different “techniques” for interacting with women work for different men. A lot of the guys who dabble in things like “Game” and who meet no success are making the basic error of trying to use methods that don’t mesh with their personalities. They come off as unnatural because what they are doing is unnatural for them.

Even as you take the steps to get a better understanding of your own nature, you need to be careful. How you think and what motivates you might be very different from how others think or what might motivate them. All human beings have a tendency to project- to project our own beliefs, motivations and concerns onto others. I’ve written on projection before because it is an extraordinarily common tendency.

Men need to be especially careful with projecting when women are concerned. Women do not think as men do. They are motivated by different factors and forces- oftentimes ones that are seemingly indecipherable to us men. When a woman does something, be very wary about assuming that she is doing it for the same reason you would do it, or for the reasons a man would do it. Never forget that she doesn’t follow the same rules that you do. This is something which isn’t taught in the modern age, yet at the same time is something all men need to internalize. A lot (although not all) of the pain of the modern age comes from men not simply failing to understand women but from them assigning their own male motivations to women.

Don’t do that. You are a man. Women are not men, no matter the clothes they wear or the surgeries they get (and vice versa). Once you internalize that this difference exists, and apply a separate analysis to how women act, female actions will start to make sense like never before. This will benefit not only you, but also the other men, and yes, even the women in your life.

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9 Comments

Filed under Masculinity

9 responses to “Masculine Monday- #4

  1. If you treat women as you would a beloved child, you’ll get close to the mark with the average woman with even a small amount of real substance to her faith (sadly such women are not average nor common these days).

    Often her choices are like unto a child looking to do what pleases them most. To eat pleasing food, to pray in manners that are of ease and bring quick rewards of consolations from God, to take her ease in the afternoon and a bright and merry dwelling in her heart where ever she goes.

    She does not look to practical solutions, nor to make hard choices. If she thinks long term, it is because a man has trained her how to find short term comforts in aiding in long term pay offs. Any rebellious nature is, in like manner, often akin to that of a child. Decide if it is worth response or beneath your contempt.

    Take joy in them like a child, according to your personality and temperament, and you’re on the right track.

    [DG: Well said.]

  2. A Visitor

    “Even as you take the steps to get a better understanding of your own nature, you need to be careful. How you think and what motivates you might be very different from how others think or what might motivate them.”

    Extrapolating that up to the political realm, one of the reasons that Castro was so angry with the Bay of Pigs invasion is he thought that just a year or two beforehand he had successfully rebuffed an American attempt to overthrow him. In reality, he completely misread the U.S. which wasn’t even doing anything remotely close to what he thought we were doing.

    “Never forget that she doesn’t follow the same rules that you do. This is something which isn’t taught in the modern age, yet at the same time is something all men need to internalize.”

    The only way to learn that in a practical setting is through trial and error.

  3. Michael Kozaki

    For a man looking to attract and hopefully marry a worthy woman, knowing yourself is especially vital.

    I would never “look to attract” women. Add value to oneself instead. This value will outlast any woman, and add value to any relationship anyway.

    A lot of the guys who dabble in things like “Game” and who meet no success are making the basic error of trying to use methods that don’t mesh with their personalities.

    I think this is another way of saying said man is unattractive. Game is merely “aping” attractive male traits. The endpoint of tight “game” is becoming a different man, one who knows his true value to the other sex. The reason so many men fail at “game”? They are unattractive and don’t wish to become attractive (as you say, it doesn’t “mesh” with their “personality”). That’s fine. But let’s not mince words. They are unattractive to women and are not willing to change to become so. I respect that.

    All human beings have a tendency to project- to project our own beliefs, motivations and concerns onto others.

    To excel at anything, one must crush this trait. But rather than try to “figure out” others (women in this case), men should rather a) know reality, and b) demand reality from others. Or walk away. Especially with women. This is why Catholic doctrine (and Darwinianism) are so important in male/female relations. They are true. And thus lead to life. There is a reason the devil is the “father of lies” and Jesus is “way, truth, life”. Lies lead to death and destruction. The truth sets us free to pursue excellence in mind, body, and spirit.

  4. “For one, such knowledge might clue you in to a glaring weakness that would get in the way of your interactions with women. Second, truly knowing yourself can help you determine the kind of woman you want or need as a mate. Third, different “techniques” for interacting with women work for different men.”

    Additionally, you don’t really need to attract women if you’re aiming for marriage. You only need to get one.

  5. @ Patrick

    Additionally, you don’t really need to attract women if you’re aiming for marriage. You only need to get one.

    As a general rule, what is attractive to one women is attractive to all. So even if you only want to attract one woman, you need to have women in general find you attractive.

  6. It’s sort of like inductive vs deductive reasoning. From many to one or from one to many. But technically you only need one to find you attractive. If that means that by default others also find you attractive, I reckon that could be a cascading effect. It could also go the other way, though, where many find you attractive so any particular woman will be more likely to find you attractive. Either way you’re ultimately going to end up trying to specialize in one woman.

  7. jack

    Women do not tolerate let alone appreciate anything that even remotely resembles weakness, vulnerability, or incapacity.

    All else flows from that. Be whatever else you perceive masculinity or “alphaness” to be, but do NOT be any of those things.

  8. @ Jack

    But the important thing to keep in mind is that what a man perceives as weakness or vulnerability is not necessarily what a woman perceives as weakness or vulnerability.

  9. jack

    Yes, those are different categories. A lot of guys are too focused on how to win a girl and not careful enough about those things that will lose her.

    Job #1 is to not fk up the interaction.

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