The following is a guest post from a reader who wishes to go by the name “Anon.” As always with guest posts, they represent the beliefs of the author and not my own. I am hosting it both because I think it has some value, as well as the fact that it should hopefully generate some good discussion. [Side note: my hiatus might extend a bit into August as well. Not sure yet, just want to give folks a heads up.]
Some dating advice from a guy who has very little experience dating girls, and no experience marrying them.
Some comforting lies:
– There’s someone out there for everyone.
– God’s got a plan for you.
– The One is waiting.
Some unpleasant truth:
There are people who have no one out there for them, and you might be one of them.
God does have a plan, but his plan is definitely not your plan, and you may absolutely hate his plan, and it’s quite likely that you getting married to a wonderful woman isn’t part of his plan.
There is no One. There is only the ‘one’ that you picked (or settled for). Marriage will work if the parties involved want it to–romance and fuzzy feels optional.
With this in mind, I suggest to all young Christian men looking for marriage that:
– you cast as wide a net as possible
– next ladies as efficiently as possible
– and pray as much as possible. For some reason God responds to whiners.
To help with nexting useless ladies, I propose an extremely small number of rules.
You should date a girl if:
- She passes the boner test. There is no 1-10 scale, only a 0-1 scale. If you think you could get it up for her, she’s hot enough.
- She passes the Christian test. And by this I mean only that she’ll self identify as some sort of Christian, regardless of how real you think her faith is.
You should marry a girl you’re dating if:
3. She passes the virgin test. If you’re more than 95% confident she’s
a virgin, then that’s good enough.
4. She passes the age test. This is up to you, what qualifies as
young enough, but my age test is:
a. younger than, or equal to my age AND
b. younger than 26.5 years old.
5. She has some of the good-wife guidelines. These are soft-rules
that are more or less optional because women can be trained.
a. will follow your lead
b. will know how to cook
c. will be willing to homeschool your kids
d. will maintain their looks
e. will do the boring, hard work of being married adults with kids
f. won’t emotionally manipulate you more than necessary.
g. are sane. (good luck on this one. unicorns exist?)
These rules are built to be as wide as possible, while still maintaining high odds of successful marriages. Notice what is missing from these rules. No personality questions. No movies/music/books/tv tastes questions. No life goals questions. If you’re considering a girl who breaks any of 1-4, you have been warned, your choice has big warning signs. Sometimes you navigate rocky waters just fine, but sometimes you sink and drown, and you only get one shot at marriage.
If your girl doesn’t have any good-wife qualities, then the real question is, can you reasonably do better? The answer is probably no. Get to training her.
The world we live in is harsh and unforgiving, but our God is kind and full of Grace. Life with a sex-partner sounds great, but life with God is the only true life. If you can’t find a wife in this modern world of harlots and fatties, don’t despair or dwell on what is lost, think only of what is gained. Knowing God is the only thing that matters in the long run, and men are supposed to be the ones with low time-preference. Don’t settle for a #^@$% wife, or lots of porn, or other immoralities, but set your sights on drawing near to God, and then bug the &*$@ out of God until he relents and throws a wife at you or gives you eternal joy instead.