Guest Post: 4 Rules And A Guideline

The following is a guest post from a reader who wishes to go by the name “Anon.” As always with guest posts, they represent the beliefs of the author and not my own. I am hosting it both because I think it has some value, as well as the fact that it should hopefully generate some good discussion. [Side note: my hiatus might extend a bit into August as well. Not sure yet, just want to give folks a heads up.]

———————————————————————————————————–

Some dating advice from a guy who has very little experience dating girls, and no experience marrying them.

Some comforting lies:

– There’s someone out there for everyone.

– God’s got a plan for you.

– The One is waiting.

Some unpleasant truth:

There are people who have no one out there for them, and you might be one of them.

God does have a plan, but his plan is definitely not your plan, and you may absolutely hate his plan, and it’s quite likely that you getting married to a wonderful woman isn’t part of his plan.

There is no One. There is only the ‘one’ that you picked (or settled for). Marriage will work if the parties involved want it to–romance and fuzzy feels optional.

With this in mind, I suggest to all young Christian men looking for marriage that:

– you cast as wide a net as possible

– next ladies as efficiently as possible

– and pray as much as possible. For some reason God responds to whiners.

To help with nexting useless ladies, I propose an extremely small number of rules.

You should date a girl if:

  1. She passes the boner test. There is no 1-10 scale, only a 0-1 scale. If you think you could get it up for her, she’s hot enough.
  2. She passes the Christian test. And by this I mean only that she’ll self identify as some sort of Christian, regardless of how real you think her faith is.

You should marry a girl you’re dating if:

        3. She passes the virgin test. If you’re more than 95% confident she’s

             a virgin, then that’s good enough.

        4. She passes the age test. This is up to you, what qualifies as

             young enough, but my age test is:

                 a. younger than, or equal to my age AND

                 b. younger than 26.5 years old.

         5. She has some of the good-wife guidelines. These are soft-rules

             that are more or less optional because women can be trained.

             Good wives:

                  a. will follow your lead

                  b. will know how to cook

                  c. will be willing to homeschool your kids

                  d. will maintain their looks

                  e. will do the boring, hard work of being married adults with kids

                  f. won’t emotionally manipulate you more than necessary.

                  g. are sane. (good luck on this one. unicorns exist?)

These rules are built to be as wide as possible, while still maintaining high odds of successful marriages. Notice what is missing from these rules. No personality questions. No movies/music/books/tv tastes questions. No life goals questions. If you’re considering a girl who breaks any of 1-4, you have been warned, your choice has big warning signs. Sometimes you navigate rocky waters just fine, but sometimes you sink and drown, and you only get one shot at marriage.

If your girl doesn’t have any good-wife qualities, then the real question is, can you reasonably do better? The answer is probably no. Get to training her.

The world we live in is harsh and unforgiving, but our God is kind and full of Grace. Life with a sex-partner sounds great, but life with God is the only true life. If you can’t find a wife in this modern world of harlots and fatties, don’t despair or dwell on what is lost, think only of what is gained. Knowing God is the only thing that matters in the long run, and men are supposed to be the ones with low time-preference. Don’t settle for a #^@$% wife, or lots of porn, or other immoralities, but set your sights on drawing near to God, and then bug the &*$@ out of God until he relents and throws a wife at you or gives you eternal joy instead.

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35 Comments

Filed under Christianity, Courtship, Marriage, Red Pill, Women

35 responses to “Guest Post: 4 Rules And A Guideline

  1. mdavid

    Excellent post Anon. Well done.
    I took your lead and filled in my thoughts:

    Comforting lies:
    – Since God’s in charge, you have no responsibility in wife hunting/selection.
    – There is no time crunch.
    – Women know what they want and will help you obtain your goals.

    Unpleasant truths:
    – It’s never been worse for men to marry than today. Consider not doing it.
    – American women are the worst potential spouses in known history.
    – Strong marriage & family in the West are for the counter-cultural only.
    – Men must lead in marriage; women are utterly untrustworthy here.

    Suggestions:
    – Focus on career, skills, confidence, arts. Be the best you can be.
    – Network and travel. Meet more men than women.
    – Read Never Eat Alone and practice what he teaches.
    – Excel in work, dress, workout, study, like an animal.
    – Build spiritual discipline, Fast. Abstain. Read Scripture. Zero push media.

    Girl guidelines:
    – <25yo (more important than strict virginity). Exceptions for the virtuous.
    – Willing to have as many kids as God gives. Speaks volumes about her.
    – Believes divorce for any reason = mortal sin = damnation.
    – Obedient.
    – Skills, religion type not important if she is virtuous and will follow you.

  2. Feminine But Not Feminist

    @ mdavid

    – <25yo (more important than strict virginity).

    Is a <25yo non-virgin somehow better wife material than a slightly older virgin? I've yet to hear a solid explanation of how that is true, especially considering that 25yo non-virgin, which (from what I hear around here) is what should be avoided at all costs (no disagreement there). Hopefully I misunderstood you.

    Exceptions for the virtuous.

    Thank you for including that part. Saved me the trouble of going on a rant, and everyone else the annoyance of me doing so yet again.

    – Skills, religion type not important if she is virtuous and will follow you.

    But religion type is important… “Do not be unequally yolked” and all…

  3. mdavid

    FBNF, But religion type is important
    I said if she will follow, i.e. conversion to his religion an eventual must.

    Is a <25yo non-virgin somehow better wife material than a slightly older virgin? I've yet to hear a solid explanation of how that is true
    Why young: 1) attractive longer, 2) family size, 3) few prior life experiences. Low n-count not a deal-killer to me if she’s honest about it and very young. Since American women are the worst potential spouses in known history a man will have to settle somewhere if fool enough to marry.

  4. Feminine But Not Feminist

    a man will have to settle somewhere if fool enough to marry

    Shouldn’t settle on her virginity though, regardless of how young, hot and fertile she is. Any man that does is a fool.

  5. FBNF
    I broke the age rule for a 27 that is attractive and spent those years thinking she wants to be a nun. She hits almost all the parts on these lists. She’s slightly overweight, but had dropped 60 pounds before I met her and joyfully followed my guidance to have dropped another 5-8.

    Yes, in many ways, I met a unicorn. I had to settle in some ways, but didn’t know about those issues until after she had demonstrated the virtues and discipline to overcome them.

    The only thing I’ll disagree with Mdavid on is the religious beliefs. I wouldn’t ever go for a non Catholic aftwr my experiences. There’s too much post rationalization of choices in women, and men need the support of the church and community to do so – to the point where I’d call any man that can’t find that in his current church somewhat naive and that he should look to relocate; even if that means taking a pay cut of changing careers. Even in a traditional community near a monastery, I am constantly having to police the influence of other peoples “good intentions” upon my woman. Its stupid how much others are willing to undercut a mans leadership while complaints abound about men not leading. Most of it comes from women, though a good deal from single men or fathers with emotional distance from their own families looking to reach out to someone.

    Stay in the faith, and find a stong, Faith Based community.

    Cast wide nets and look online to find them. Be willing to relocate. Take chances to talk to men that have the means to visit if you can find one online. I have a friend thats getting married to a girl from Sweden in a couple weeks that he met on Catholic match because he couldn’t find any women that met his standards here.

  6. mdavid

    FBNF, women are the weaker sex; they respond to culture. A man shrinks selection to unicorn levels with your limits with no guarantee (all have sinned in some way). Obedience, no divorce, BC are my only red rules.

    Chad, you are probably right (married cradle myself). No BC or divorce eliminates most of the riffraff tho & I’ve known a lot of good convert women.

  7. Novaseeker

    I agree with most of these, for young men in America.

    I also agree that virginity shouldn’t be strictly required provided that the N is still low (say, less than 3), and the context of the Ns was not casual sex. Virgins are too rare to insist upon for a woman who is older than 20 or so.

  8. Agreed with Chad. I’m am likely going to start blogging about lessons from my current relationship.

  9. I don’t mean to sound impolite, it really is a sweet and some what heartbreaking post. I still have to say, I would never marry any of you.Not one. In fact, I say a prayer of gratitude everyday that I did not. Any man who refers to women as harlots and fatties, who acts as if we are not actual people, but rather empty vessels to be trained, who demands constant obedience rather then focusing on his own submission to Christ, is not really a grown man at all.

    Also, may I ask why unmarried men would spend all their time consulting with each other about marriage? Or worse yet, consulting with bitter, wounded, divorced men within the manosphere? When I wanted to understand marriage I went out and studied couples who had been married some 30 + years. Our elders, those who have been there and done that already. The ones who possess all the wisdom, who actually have the life experience. Ah, but you guys just dismiss anyone over 27 as having no worth and value. That’s sad gentlemen, and foolish.

  10. theshadowedknight

    One other partner, maybe. Maybe, and the woman in question would have to be very special to get that much. The damage is too severe, otherwise.

    The Shadowed Knight.

  11. Feminine But Not Feminist

    Agreed with TSK. In case nobody clicked on this link at DS’s recently:

    http://socialpathology.blogspot.com/2010/09/sexual-partner-divorce-risk.html?m=1

    It’s an analysis of data regarding a woman’s N count and the divorce rate. Anything over one partner drastically increases the likelihood of divorce. Not that it’s news around here or anything; just seems like it’s getting overlooked at times. The bar graph is especially good.

  12. Feminine But Not Feminist

    A man shrinks selection to unicorn levels with your limits with no guarantee (all have sinned in some way).

    Maybe, maybe not. But is it really worth the risk?

  13. Feminine But Not Feminist

    Thank you for posting that Chad. And I’m glad it’s going well enough for you and her. 🙂 (minus the people you’re having to police of course)

    Stay in the faith, and find a stong, Faith Based community.

    Best advice on this post and thread thusfar.

    Cast wide nets and look online to find them. Be willing to relocate. Take chances to talk to men that have the means to visit if you can find one online. I have a friend thats getting married to a girl from Sweden in a couple weeks that he met on Catholic match because he couldn’t find any women that met his standards here.

    At first I thought this was more good advice aimed at men, but then I noticed that you said “men” (which I put in bold), which, considering its context, made me wonder if you meant it as advice to me, since you addressed me earlier? Just wanted to make sure…

  14. It works with both.

  15. Feminine But Not Feminist

    Oops, that should’ve only been the word “men” that got put in bold, but I got the rest of the paragraph in bold too.

  16. Feminine But Not Feminist

    @ Chad

    It works with both.

    Alrighty, thanks. 🙂

    I actually decided to give Catholic Match a shot myself not long ago, and have a fantastic prospect from there, as well as another fantastic prospect elsewhere. **fingers crossed**

  17. I’m glad to hear it.

  18. mdavid

    FBNF, that study shows virgins have ~80% odds; worse than I expected. Sad. Women who believe divorce, birth control are mortal sins prob have better stats (90+%?). Women who veil at mass are prob 85%.

  19. theshadowedknight

    Yes, MDavid, one in five is the best you will get on sexual partners alone. The rest is culture and attitude. As to what her opinions are, that is all a function of what is the strongest influence on her. If you are that influence, then you can set her opinions to right. If she is not receptive to you? Next.

    One extramarital sex partner can be mitigated by a good attitude and a culture that will take her to task. Beyond that is very inadvisable. You might be the one to make it work, but why not try to find someone better or get ready to start the world, instead? Your time is better spent.

    The Shadowed Knight

  20. Feminine But Not Feminist

    As to what her opinions are, that is all a function of what is the strongest influence on her. If you are that influence, then you can set her opinions to right. If she is not receptive to you? Next.

    This is true to a large extent. I’ve noticed with myself that my opinions can oftentimes be molded by a man that I’m crazy about. If I let my guard down enough to trust him completely, and feel safe following him, then I’ll trust that he knows what he’s talking about and that he is probably the one that’s right (if I disagree with him), and oftentimes my opinions will change to match his. Not always, depending on what it is; but oftentimes.

  21. Feminine But Not Feminist

    @ mdavid

    that study shows virgins have ~80% odds; worse than I expected. Sad. Women who believe divorce, birth control are mortal sins prob have better stats (90+%?). Women who veil at mass are prob 85%.

    I bet that if a woman strongly believes that way, then she is very likely going to be a virgin also. It would only make sense that she would be, seeing as how it wouldn’t make sense for someone to have premarital sex AND strongly believe that she isn’t to use birth control at all for any reason, and that marriage is so sacred that to try and break the bond justifies a Hell sentence. The mindset just wouldn’t be there to willingly engage in premarital sex, IMO.

  22. Hank Flanders

    Can y’all expound on the age test? You only mention the woman’s age but not the man’s. Isn’t there going to be a sliding scale, given the man’s age? It seems that if the guy is more than seven or eight years older than the girl, then typically, the girl thinks the guy’s too old for her. This becomes even more true when the age difference is in the double digits. There are of course exceptions to this unfortunate circumstance, particularly if the young woman is overweight, has kids, or is otherwise unattractive, but a woman of those demographics is generally out, anyway.

  23. Hank Flanders

    mdavid

    – Read Never Eat Alone and practice what he teaches.

    It’s interesting you should mention this. I just picked up this book the other day from the Goodwill, not knowing anything about it except what little I read of it in the aisle. I still haven’t gotten far with it, but I guess it’s pretty good then, right?

  24. Can y’all expound on the age test? You only mention the woman’s age but not the man’s. Isn’t there going to be a sliding scale, given the man’s age?

    It does depend on your own age and also on what you can get, realistically, given your age and what you are bringing to the table. If you’re 45 and follow a “no older than 25” age test, well, you’d better bring a ton to the table, or you’re just going to be left empty-handed. It also depends on the local culture where you live, and the religious culture you are involved with.

  25. theshadowedknight

    The big reason for the cutoff of 25 is that the female brain requires regular sexual intercourse to regulate it. The hormones in semen help stabilize them. Pregnancy also relieves the monthly hormonal whiplash that menses brings. After too long, women are damaged by the constant strain.

    The Shadowed Knight

  26. Hank Flanders

    Lol, ok, theshadowedknight, I guess women had better not let their guys use condoms.

  27. Exactly, Novaseeker. Women will go older, but not typically much older unless the guy’s rich or famous. That’s the reason I think middle aged men (like me. I guess mid-30s is middle-aged) would be hard-pressed to get a good looking virgin wife aged 18-25 and some would argue shouldn’t try, anyway. Therefore, these lists aren’t bad but really seen aimed at young men.

  28. theshadowedknight

    Hank, no joke, condoms are a bad idea. Women who use condoms/diaphragms have the same increase in mental disorders as abstinent.

    It is up to us to make sure that women take their medicine.

    The Shadowed Knight

  29. mdavid

    FBNF,The mindset wouldn’t be there to engage in premarital sex

    Yes. But women may convert after losing virginity. If young, that’s workable.

  30. Feminine But Not Feminist

    @ TSK

    The big reason for the cutoff of 25 is that the female brain requires regular sexual intercourse to regulate it. The hormones in semen help stabilize them.

    LOL! By this logic: The Virgin Mary, Nuns, and those who have otherwise taken a Vow of Chastity to devote themselves to serving God and the Church would be the most mentally unstable women in the world, while promiscuous women would be far more mentally stable than any of them.

    While semen can do good things for the female brain, it’s not like we’re ruined if we don’t get it by 25. Plus, what does turning 25 have to do with that anyway? Absolutely nothing.

    Pregnancy also relieves the monthly hormonal whiplash that menses brings.

    From what I’ve heard from women who have been pregnant: pregnancy is a heck of a lot harder on a woman’s body (including her emotional mood swings) than periods are; that experiencing a period is a walk in the park (a big understatement) compared to pregnancy.

  31. Feminine But Not Feminist

    @ mdavid

    Yes. But women may convert after losing virginity.

    That’s a good point; hadn’t thought of that.

    If young, that’s workable.

    Being young when losing her virginity doesn’t make her immune to pair bonding with her first(s), or to being damaged by her choices. And isn’t that one of the primary motivators for a man to want a virgin bride in the first place? To be the only one that she pair bonds to?

    It looks like we’ll just have to agree to disagree on this one.

  32. mdavid

    FBNF, my standards are too low? Yikes, I’ve already tossed >99%.

  33. theshadowedknight

    Actually, FBNF, it does not work if the semen is from multiple partners. No benefit is to be had from promiscuity, which is one more point of evidence that it is harmful. Believe me, I did my research on this, and I even wrote a post on it, way back. Donal and Novaseeker probably remember it from Sunshine Mary.

    Semen from the father also helps with carrying a child. In addition to impregnation, the personal biome of the man is transferred to his woman, colonizing her with part of himself. Your nonhuman biome makes up ninety percent of the cells in your body. By transferring those back and forth, the one flesh becomes physically reality.

    We disagree on the Virgin Mary remaining celibate, but as far as nuns, is it so hard to believe that God looks out for His own?

    The Shadowed Knight

  34. Feminine But Not Feminist

    @ mdavid

    FBNF, my standards are too low? Yikes, I’ve already tossed >99%.

    Well, I’ve read that 3% of couples marry having waited until the wedding night to lose their virginity. So if that statistic is correct (which it may very well not be), then I’d say your standards are higher than mine. 😉

    3%, while still very bad, is way better than less than 1%, eh? 🙂

  35. Feminine But Not Feminist

    @ TSK

    Actually, FBNF, it does not work if the semen is from multiple partners. No benefit is to be had from promiscuity, which is one more point of evidence that it is harmful. Believe me, I did my research on this, and I even wrote a post on it, way back. Donal and Novaseeker probably remember it from Sunshine Mary.

    Semen from the father also helps with carrying a child. In addition to impregnation, the personal biome of the man is transferred to his woman, colonizing her with part of himself. Your nonhuman biome makes up ninety percent of the cells in your body. By transferring those back and forth, the one flesh becomes physically reality.

    Oh, that’s fascinating actually; I’ve never heard that before. Thank you for telling me! 🙂

    We disagree on the Virgin Mary remaining celibate, but as far as nuns, is it so hard to believe that God looks out for His own?

    No, I believe that. That’s actually the point I was attempting to make. See, 99.99999% of women who choose to keep their virginity until they are able to marry will do so (mostly) because of their devotion to God. So if a woman tries hard the best she knows how, but fails, to be married by 25, and therefore has no man’s semen to “keep her brain regulated,” is it really so hard to believe that God will take care of her too?

    It makes sense that semen would have a profoundly positive impact on her brain. But it doesn’t make sense to say that the lack thereof has a profoundly negative impact on it. It especially doesn’t make sense to attach the number 25 to it, as if a woman’s brain somehow changes at that point in time.

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