Mea Culpa

This short post is meant to act as a clarification of my post Sympathy for a Stranger. I was surprised by the reaction to that post, greatly surprised even. It generated a lot of what can only be called hostility. Several different people communicated to me in different channels their thoughts, and helped clarify matters (somewhat). Interestingly enough (to me at least), the hostility seemed to be based on two things: the first was a perception that I had been judging a woman I didn’t know, and the second was a perception that I was defending my actions.

Let me clarify- the first perception is correct. I had been judging that woman. I thought that my post made that abundantly clear. Why it was worth arguing over whether I had or not seemed a waste of time to me. However, the second perception was incorrect. I was by no means attempting to defend my actions. I was wrong, and I thought, when I wrote that post, that if I didn’t state it outright it was at least implied.

However, people read me otherwise. As for who those people were… I found it noteworthy that at least a few of my male readers understood what I was doing: I was admitting fault in a display of sympathy and was asking other men if they had done the same thing. My female readers, on the other hand, largely didn’t seem to understand what I was trying to convey. This only goes to show how delicate communication between the sexes can be. It is terribly easy for us to misunderstand one another, and that post was evidence of that. One of the subjects that this blog covers is miscommunication between men and women, so expect some follow up there.

That post was also evidence of something else, only I haven’t quite settled on what that is. As I indicated before, I have some suspicions, but I think I will run them by a few others first, before committing a post to the subject. If any of my commenters have thoughts of their own, this post is a proper place to voice them.

Also, as an aside, I am considering taking the month of July off from blogging. While I may offer the occasional comment or two, my plan is not to post at all. That may change, but I wanted to give folks a heads up for why they may not hear from me for a while.

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19 Comments

Filed under Men, Red Pill, Women

19 responses to “Mea Culpa

  1. I am curious why you feel the need to apologize or overthink this like you do. You are giving them way too much attention. Its your opinion, your blog, and tough poop what the women say or think. Don’t grovel. Stand resolute and strong. No need to run your suspicions by a few others. Proclaim what you believe. Don’t be timid and afraid to step on toes.

  2. lgrobins is correct.

    If you apologize everytime you offend someone — and offending someone is not necessarily a sin — you’re going to be apologizing forever. Feelings are not truth.

    Understanding and drawing the correct boundaries is good. However, it is important to allow people to take responsibility for their own actions even if what you wrote or meant was unclear. If they thought there may be a misunderstanding or something is unclear they should ask to clarify rather than jumping to their own preemptive judgments.

    We make judgments everyday of people and what to do with our time; this is not necessarily a bad thing even if the judgments are negative. Matthew 7:1+ is about hypocrisy and not about not judging others.

  3. jack

    Don’t apologize for other people being offended.

    Jesus never apologized.

  4. Beefy Levinson

    It’s your blog. If people don’t like what you’re saying, they can leave.

  5. jack

    Nice post on Benedict, Beefy.

  6. Strip Miner

    Don’t grovel. Stand resolute and strong. No need to run your suspicions by a few others. Proclaim what you believe. Don’t be timid and afraid to step on toes.

    Yup. Donal, if you do what you decided to do, you’re a weak beta male. Only if you do what lgrobins tells you to do will you be a strong alpha male who doesn’t listen to women.

  7. “My female readers, on the other hand, largely didn’t seem to understand what I was trying to convey. This only goes to show how delicate communication between the sexes can be.”

    Thank you Donal, for your gentle and understanding words. They are much appreciated.

  8. Fascinating. Here I thought I was writing a clarification, and not an apology….

  9. My female readers, on the other hand, largely didn’t seem to understand what I was trying to convey.

    On the contrary: They understood it perfectly, and they relished the opportunity to rub your nose in it.

    You didn’t gossip (No one has any idea who you spoke of. They may as well have been presented as imaginary.) , and attempting to understand motivations is not passing judgment. What the female commenters hated was that you confessed a sadness (they took it as weakness, and therefore an opportunity for attack) and especially because they identified with the young woman; towards whom your words they considered an attack. You might as well have been talking about them or their daughters.

  10. Thank you Jack, I’m glad you enjoyed it.

  11. Feminine But Not Feminist

    Fascinating. Here I thought I was writing a clarification, and not an apology….

    It’s funny ~ the words “clarify” and “clarification” are both used in the OP, but “I apologize” and “I’m sorry” are nowhere to be found. The only thing (as far as I can tell anyways) that might even remotely be misconstrued as an apology would be the title of the post. But even that (when taken in context with what the post actually says) seems to obviously mean “my bad, I apparently didn’t make myself clear enough in the other post” as opposed to “my bad, I offended some people”…

    @ Donal

    As for who those people were… I found it noteworthy that at least a few of my male readers understood what I was doing: I was admitting fault in a display of sympathy and was asking other men if they had done the same thing. My female readers, on the other hand, largely didn’t seem to understand what I was trying to convey. This only goes to show how delicate communication between the sexes can be. It is terribly easy for us to misunderstand one another, and that post was evidence of that.

    Well, the line wasn’t strictly drawn between males and females, because some of us females took your side. I think there was some other differentiating factor.

  12. DJ

    Looks to me as if some people didn’t actually comprehend what you wrote and projected their own experinces onto your post. Its the great frustration of the medium. Enjoy your vacation
    @lgrobins not everythings a battle sometimes its a misunderstanding among allies , diplomacy can win the day
    @Jack Jesus was perfect

  13. @ FBNF

    I think you’re right on the title of the post coloring the message being conveyed. If you read it in that context it SEEMS like an “apology” without saying it’s an apology.

    That said I think that plays into the fact that men are to be more direct while women are more indirect. Hence, it SEEMED passive aggressive which is not a trait you want in a man. That was my sense when reading the post at least.

    There’s no fault to “apologize” or “clarify” for or whatever.

  14. FBNF is close to what I was getting at. I used “Mea Culpa” in a somewhat ironic fashion. The wiki page actually lists “My bad” as an American “equivalent” of that phrase.

    The idea is that I was at fault for the misunderstanding, but this is not a moral fault- that is, a moral failing. I merely forgot to keep in mind the differences in communication styles between men and women. Hence a “my bad” response seemed appropriate.

    Well, the line wasn’t strictly drawn between males and females, because some of us females took your side.

    It wasn’t about taking a “side.” It was about understanding what I was trying to say. If you did get it, then good. But that isn’t the same thing.

    @ DJ

    Looks to me as if some people didn’t actually comprehend what you wrote and projected their own experinces onto your post.

    I am inclined to agree. It might also be that some people didn’t want to comprehend what I wrote, and instead went straight to projection.

  15. @ Deep Strength

    That said I think that plays into the fact that men are to be more direct while women are more indirect. Hence, it SEEMED passive aggressive which is not a trait you want in a man.

    Do I understand you correctly to say that my post, because of the ambiguity created by the title combined with the substance of the post, came off as passive-aggressive? And that is something which I, as a man, should avoid?

  16. @ Donal

    Do I understand you correctly to say that my post, because of the ambiguity created by the title combined with the substance of the post, came off as passive-aggressive? And that is something which I, as a man, should avoid?

    Well, all humans should avoid passive aggressiveness. But coming from men it’s… just gross.

    After re-reading it I don’t think it’s passive aggressive. Just the title of the post colored it that way for me at least. Maybe others too.

  17. I was too clever for my own good then? Guess I’ll need to watch out for that in the future.

  18. Feminine But Not Feminist

    @ DS

    I think you’re right on the title of the post coloring the message being conveyed. If you read it in that context it SEEMS like an “apology” without saying it’s an apology.

    That said I think that plays into the fact that men are to be more direct while women are more indirect. Hence, it SEEMED passive aggressive which is not a trait you want in a man. That was my sense when reading the post at least.

    I never got the impression that it was an apology when I read it. I had to Google the title to see what it meant (did so after reading the post, not before) and laughed because I thought it was cleverly funny. The post seems direct enough to me, no passive aggressiveness that I could/can see.

  19. Pingback: Parting Thoughts Before The Break | Donal Graeme

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