Getting Past Anger

Deep Strength has an excellent post up today advising a reader on how to get past the “Anger Phase” of the “Red Pill.” The whole thing is worth reading, so I won’t quote selectively from it. Instead, I wanted to offer a few comments and some practical advice to his reader.

First, I would say that the anger phase is less dangerous than the “Bitter Phase” of the RP. The Bitter phase is what can really destroy a man, and I’ve seen it happen to a number of men who’ve found their way to these parts. Problem is, the Bitter Phase is the next phase after the Anger Phase if a man isn’t careful (a certain amount of bitterness is unavoidable, but the phase involves lingering and stewing in bitterness). Successfully managing the Anger Phase is key to avoiding that slip into bitterness.

Second, I think that anger has some value if channeled appropriately. A little righteous anger can go a long way. If you use it as a motivator and something to give you that initial kick towards self-improvement, then it can be quite helpful. Just don’t rely on it exclusively, or for long.

There were a few things that helped me get over the Anger Phase and not fall into the trap of the Bitter Phase. Here are a few of a more spiritual nature:

  • Pray, and pray often. Sometimes small prayers throughout the day can be that extra something you need to get by.
  • Read Scripture daily. I didn’t do that before, and do now. Also, I recommend reading and praying aloud a Psalm a day, and if you have time, two. One in the morning and one at night would work well.
  • Read up on the early Saints. Learn about their lives, and read their writings. This has really been profound for me. So much of what is going on now is a repeat of errors made long ago. St. Anthansius is an excellent source of inspiriation.

A few other bits of advice:

  • Work out. It will make you feel great as well as look great. It can improve confidence and give you a sense of control in your life.
  • Eat healthy. That fits with above, but you would be surprised what a difference healthy eating can make. It is another way of taking charge of your life in a positive way.
  • Socialize more. Most especially, talk to women. Where? Everywhere? When? Whenever you can. Losing your old, bad habits can only be done through trial and experience, and the fires of experience.

Another thing worth covering is performance and approval. My advice would be to stop caring what women think of you. Stop trying to perform for them. That doesn’t mean do the opposite of what they want, it means to stop considering whether they would approve or not. You need to adopt an attitude of ambivalence. When you actively try and perform for women, or seek their approval, you give them power over you. That will never end well. In fact, that advice applies to men as well- just stop seeking approval from others and instead do what you must.

You need to focus on other matters, and other concerns in your life. Build yourself up, both spiritually and temporally. If you work at this hard enough and long enough, you will find that they (women primarily, but men as well) cannot affect you any longer. Fascinatingly enough, the better you are at this, the more success you will actually see with women.

Hope that is of some help.

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15 Comments

Filed under Blue Pill, Masculinity, Men, Red Pill, Women

15 responses to “Getting Past Anger

  1. Pingback: Overcoming the Anger Phase | Reflections on Christianity and the manosphere

  2. Thank you, I appreciate somebody addressing anger and bitterness because that is not a healthy place for anybody to get stuck in.

  3. To continue with the Matrix analogies, blue pill people aren’t evil, wicked deceivers who set out to destroy your life. They act according to what they think is true, and what they’ve been raised from birth to believe. Social Justice Warriors and media personalities are the “Agents” who actively seek to ruin the livelihoods of those who break free of the Matrix, or even mildly question it.

    I was angry at first, and bitter for a while, but more because I wish I knew then what I know now, rather than being angry and embittered toward a specific individual.

  4. Another bit of advice:

    Turn off your computer. Limit your internet time. LImit your manosphere reading/commenting/posting, and your social media interaction. Start living real life, not life on the internets.

  5. mdavid

    This is a really insightful post. I’ve never thought of anger versus bitter. I guess I’ve never left the anger phase…

    DG, adopt an attitude of ambivalence

    I agree. And not just because it “works” (it does) but because it’s true. The world (or any person) is not enough. We are stuck with ourselves for eternity so that’s where our focus should be. And if people are not disappointing you, then you are probably disappointing them. Heaven is only found by the narrow gate, by suffering with Christ, and anyone telling you something else is selling something.

    I also strongly second your diet and exercise part. Practical things I wish somebody told me decades ago: P90X, Vitamix, Living Cookbook, No processed foods, Limited grains). I’ve only worked out and dined at home for the last decade and have never been more fit. I’ve found social is best done at home too.

    One thing I would have mentioned you didn’t: financial. A single guy who is clever and self-contained can aquire a lot of money, and this takes the bitter edge off and develops purpose. The book Your Money or Your Life is great here. And a clever guy who plans ahead can protect his savings if he wants to do something crazy and marry later on.

    deti, Turn off your computer

    I get this point. But I don’t regret one minute I’ve spent online. I’ve learned more and grown more from the internet than from any other tool in my life. The personal is great, but the ideas from the internet have truly changed my life for the better. If I got angry from the web, yes, I would turn it off. But the truth, I believe, always sets one free and gives hope, not anger.

  6. “I get this point. But I don’t regret one minute I’ve spent online. I’ve learned more and grown more from the internet than from any other tool in my life.”

    Learning is essential, yes, absolutely. Then we have to turn off our computers and go do it. Otherwise it’s just pie in the sky academia.

  7. Feminine But Not Feminist

    Something else to consider is that if you hold onto anger, it well eat you alive. It will have a much worse affect on you than it will on those you are angry at.

    Also, about bitterness: if you ever intend to get married, ever, then don’t allow yourself to become bitter. Scripture says to not be embittered towards your wife, so doing so would be just as sinful as her not being submissive to you.

  8. Feminine But Not Feminist

    Oops, that should be “it WILL eat you alive”

  9. mdavid

    Deti, we have to turn off our computers and do it.. Agreed.

    FBNF, hold onto anger, it will eat you alive. Not righteous anger, though, which virtuous men must have regarding the SMP and the women who exploit it. This is even more true for men who marry, as they are in a position to rebuild civilization.

  10. Good advice about the Psalms. No matter what we’re feeling, there’s a Psalm for you. Sometimes I joke that some days are 137 days, heh.

  11. “You need to focus on other matters, and other concerns in your life. Build yourself up, both spiritually and temporally. If you work at this hard enough and long enough, you will find that they (women primarily, but men as well) cannot affect you any longer.”

    Still working on that one…..just want to warn you, it can take years, and even when you’ve applied years, it’s easy to backslide. Sometimes you have to separate entirely from the person who originally wronged you in order to even get to the “getting past the anger” stage. Then the forgiveness stage — whew, just as you think you’ve gotten there, back you are at the starting gun again.

    Have to say though that when I dedicated myself to working out every single morning, what a difference. At first I was so sore and aching from it that I could barely move, but keeping it up that finally subsides, and it makes a difference. Sometimes that alone can help you no longer care about what other people think or do.

  12. Robert What?

    When you come to the red pill later in life (late 50s for me) the temptation to be bitter is strong: about all the lost time and bad decisions made without knowledge. Even in me blue pill days (most of my adult life), I knew something wasn’t right, but I couldn’t put it into words until the ‘sphere came into being. But starting over in the same way I could have at 30 – or even 40 – is not possible. I just have to accept that some ships have sailed and make the best of it. Now I view it as an opportunity to pass on what I have learned to younger men.

  13. Just had a man come to my blog about the anger phase of the red pill… and I sent him to Rollo’s site. Will have to link back to this post, thank you.

  14. Pingback: On (why) men are angry (and what to do about it). | Dark Brightness

  15. KP

    Socialize more. Most especially, talk to women. Where? Everywhere? When? Whenever you can.

    This. This on steroids!

    I now go out of my way to do this, and the results are excellent. I have always been a fairly outgoing, social person… but the encouragement to just stick your neck out and engage has been a wonderful boost.

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