Mirrored Appeal

In responding to the errors of the secular world, Christians, if they are not careful, can make errors of their own. The dominant message of the secular world right now, as far as men and women are concerned, is that they/we are the same- albeit with slightly different plumbing. Christians who have not fallen for this lie, or who have escaped it, rightly understand that rather than being interchangeable, men and women are complementary. We are made to “fit together.” A common approach to understanding this complementarity is use a mirror analogy- rather than being the same, men and women mirror each other and have opposing tendencies. For example, if men value X, and C is the opposite of X, then women value C.

Simple enough, yes? And in many instances it happens to be true. But not all. Sometimes, when men and women are different, we are really different. We need to be careful and not try and fit men and women into neat cookie cutter pieces, a tendency not solely restricted to most segments of the secular world.

Over at The Thinking Housewife, the authoress features a comment concerning “Why Women Seek “Bad Boys” – and Men Seek “Bad Girls.” Setting aside the notions expressed about “bad boys”, I want to examine this particular paragraph:

For the same reason sensitiveness and thoughtfulness in a woman reduce her sex appeal. These qualities make her appear weak, and… human. The godless individual resents nothing more than humanity. He cannot desire someone who reminds him constantly of his own mortality. A nonchalant demeanor (originating in vacuousness) is much more desirable to him.

The first sentence in that paragraph is, to use a scientific phrase, total bunk. A woman’s sex appeal is not reduced by “sensitiveness and thoughtfulness.” Even under the worst possible scenario, those character traits have zero affect on a woman’s perceived sex appeal. They just don’t. In this respect men are largely visual creatures. A woman’s sexual appeal is based on her physical characteristics, not her personality. Her personality may affect how a approaches and interacts with her, as well as her long term goals, but not her sex appeal.

Reading through the whole comment, I get the impression that the author has let his philosophical or theological pondering trample over empirical reality. He is trying to make reality fit how he thinks things are- at least, that is how he perceives it. But in truth he is trying to make reality fit how he thinks things should be. This is a tendency we all possess, to some degree or another. And it can be a dangerous one. Much of “Churchianity” is nothing more than a vast, wide-scale expression of the tendency to make reality fit how we think things should be.

All of which leads to the purpose of this post: as a reminder, if only to myself, not to let my own preferences blind me to reality. I know I’ve done it before, and will probably do so again. This was a chief failing, perhaps even the chief failing, of the Pharisees. They could not let go of their own preconceived notions of who the Messiah would be, and so could not see Him when He walked amongst them. Let us, like the Psalmist, pray for the Lord to open our eyes.

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10 Comments

Filed under Attraction, Blue Pill, Christianity, Churchianity, Desire, Femininity, LAMPS, Men, Red Pill, Sex, Women

10 responses to “Mirrored Appeal

  1. trying to make reality fit how he thinks things are

    Projection means never questioning our own scripts, and rejecting uncomfortable empiricism confirming our biases.

    Cognitive dissonance provokes reevaluation. Change is hard and difficult. Where is the appeal in that? Most people prefer affirmation of prexisting beliefs, any day.

  2. Men don’t seek bad girls. This is pure projection. Men seek good girls.

    Virgins. Patient and submission. Obedience is a valued trait.

  3. @ ddswaterloo

    Well, some men seek bad girls… for easy sex. But that has nothing to do with sex appeal. Only access

  4. “A woman’s sex appeal is not reduced by “sensitiveness and thoughtfulness.”

    Oh, but it absolutely is! In an instant you can render men so extremely uncomfortable, they have completely forgotten all about desire. We do this in nursing every darn day.

    “The godless individual resents nothing more than humanity.”

    Yep! And you know what men fear the most, even Christian men? Being loved. To be loved makes you vulnerable and weak. You fear your hearts will soften and if that happens, you’ll be knocked off your game and no longer in complete control.

    You don’t know what you fear more, being rendered insignificant or being loved. Your red pill gives you the illusion of having conquered both, but all you’ve really done is found yet another way to deny the nature of your own selves.

  5. theshadowedknight

    You know, IB, you are so right. How could I not see it? I will abandon all this, and go back to what I was, with all the love I had back then… Oh, wait.

    Donal, is it absolutely necessary to let her comment here? Nothing she has said so far has provided any value or provoked any debate, and she is cluttering up the real discussions.

    The Shadowed Knight

  6. Men, especially Christian men, have no fear of love. Most Christian men I know, know more of love than most women who claim Christ.

    IB, your claims that you know what men want, and what they fear, are beyond ridiculous. You know less than nothing of men, or Christian men. If you knew anything about the typical Christian man’s experience with his attempts to be loved, you’d keep silent.

  7. Hank Flanders

    The sad part is that I was willing to give insanitybytes22 the benefit of the doubt, but she again can’t or won’t answer simple questions when asked, and I have little respect for posters who won’t even try to explain their points of view and why they hold them.

    Things would get pretty boring if we all agreed on everything, and people with opposing points of view can offer insight we might not be aware of or should reconsider, but there’s really no point in trying to engage someone in discussion when he or she just ducks out of the conversation when asked questions and then pops back up later just to be contrary for no reason or no reason they’re willing to explain.

  8. Hank Flanders

    Anyway, donalgraeme, your last two posts have been great and spot on.

  9. “Reading through the whole comment, I get the impression that the author has let his philosophical or theological pondering trample over empirical reality. He is trying to make reality fit how he thinks things are- at least, that is how he perceives it. But in truth he is trying to make reality fit how he thinks things should be. This is a tendency we all possess, to some degree or another. And it can be a dangerous one. Much of “Churchianity” is nothing more than a vast, wide-scale expression of the tendency to make reality fit how we think things should be.”

    I think the entire piece is premised on a misunderstanding of what “bad girls” are. “Bad girls” are not “insensitive, unreflective and sometimes even mean”. He’s not describing bad girls, he’s describing masculinized women — women who have taken on masculine traits of aggressiveness, dominance, high sex drive, and preferences for logic over emotion and for thinking over feeling. A few of these women are probably high T women. But, of course, what we commonly think of as “bad girls” are sluts, promiscuous women. Most men like bad girls well enough for sex.

    The commenter’s theory only makes sense if you consider that weak, ungrounded, undisciplined men who don’t know God are attracted to masculinized women as a form of idol worship. He might be on to something there. Weak, undisciplined men are still men, and they want sex. So a weak, undisciplined, godless man can be “attracted” to a masculinized woman, because she provides the focus of worship and the leadership, and possibly sex. So his statement that “[sensitivity] and thoughtfulness reduces her sex appeal” makes some sense when you think of the woman as masculinized and the man as feminized, or unmoored from God, casting about for an idol on whom to project his feelings and worshipful tendencies. In this view, a woman who displays sensitivity and thoughtfulness is feminine and can’t be idolized.

  10. IB,
    Have to disagree with you. I know a lot of women who are scared to death of losing their significance and control. My Mom was one. My parents divorced over it.

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