It Is What Is On The Inside That Counts

Over at the blog JustFourGuys Sir Nemesis wrote a post recently, titled How the Feminine Imperative Backfires. Sir Nemesis, in his examination of how the FI sabotages female interests when left unchecked, delved into “fat acceptance and inner beauty.” His words:

Liberal society has pushed to redefine fat plus-size women as being beautiful. At the same time, traditional churchians have pushed men to not care about looks and not be judgmental about looks. As a result, men find it difficult to voice their preference for fit women, which actually has negative effects on women.

To back this up he quoted a comment from Elspeth in my post Whither Thy Sons? Then he backed up his initial contention with a comment of his own and one by Novaseeker. I mention all of this to provide context for the next part. Elspeth responded to his post with this comment:

Some context to my comments are in order so I’ll offer it without overstaying my welcome, ;) .

First, I was not implying that men marry fat women. I was offering that a woman who is auditioning for a position of a man’s wife should have no problem with making the necessary adjustments if they click in other areas and he makes it clear that fitness is important to him.

Secondly, bear in mind that this conversation took place at the blog of a man who (along with many of his readers) are chaste Christian men looking to marry women equally chaste, preferably with their hymens intact. Unfortunately, most of those women in the pews are unattractive to them primarily because in their loneliness they often snuggle up to a pint of Ben and Jerry’s every evening. But they are chaste, and they are devout, and many might make excellent wives if the attraction issue were addressed.

My point was that it might be worth considering entreating a woman you like who meets the faith/chastity criteria to get in shape, join you on your fitness journey, and see what happens.

My comments were not at all meant as promotion of fat acceptance (I am firmly against that entire movement) or any kind of attempt to shame men into marrying fat women.

[Parts in bold are mine.]

Elspeth was careful to use conditional modifiers in her comment, and so what follows next isn’t a critique of what she said. But I do want to focus on what she said in the sentence that I put in bold-

But they are chaste, and they are devout, and many might make excellent wives if the attraction issue were addressed.

Something that has been pointed out by a few people in these parts, including myself, Cail Corishev and reader/commenter mdavid, is that inner and outer beauty often align. By this I mean that a woman’s exterior often reveals a lot about her inner character. Whether is the clothing she wears, the makeup she uses, or her appearance in such categories as weight, a lot is revealed about her. Jesus taught us that we can know a tree, and a person, by the fruit they bear in life. And a woman’s appearance is an example of one such fruit.

I believe it was mdavid who pointed out somewhere on my blog that gluttony and sloth, the sins which combine in women to lead them towards becoming and staying overweight, rarely travel alone. My personal experience has backed this up. I don’t really think that are very many devout and chaste Christian women who make for good wives if they could only lose some weight. Rather, it is been my experience that they often, if you scratch beneath the surface, have plenty of other sin issues besides sloth and gluttony.

I’ve mentioned before that I attend, whenever I can help it, a Traditional Catholic parish. One of the things that first struck me when I visited that parish was that the average woman there was much thinner than her counter-part at the non-Traditional parishes I’ve attended. Very few women were truly overweight, and I don’t think this is a coincidence. This experience, when combined with other personal experiences, has led me to theorize that you can often (although not always) use weight as a proxy for other marriageable traits in a woman. In particular, a woman’s weight combined with her manner of dress seems to be a fairly accurate indicator of her devotion and other positive traits. Likewise, I think that there is a correlation between a woman’s willingness to lose weight and her overall quality as a wife candidate.

Of course, most of this is based purely on anecdote and personal experience. So I invite my readers to offer their thoughts and experiences on the matter. Am I on track here? Is it just coincidence? Or am I blinded by a woman’s weight such that I’m missing a lot of perfectly acceptable wife candidates who merely need to lose a few pounds?



Filed under Attraction, Christianity, Churchianity, Femininity, Sin, The Church, Women

53 responses to “It Is What Is On The Inside That Counts

  1. Feminine But Not Feminist

    Thanks to the checkout line at walmart I have a minute to comment finally. First, I would like to point out that while a woman’s looks do matter, the “inside” ALSO matters. It’s a total package that one should be looking for, not simply the hottest thing going. Both are equally important. And if a man (or woman) puts so much stock in someone’s looks that they disregard the person’s character, then they are bringing on any resulting trouble onto themselves. (I know that nobody here tried to claim otherwise, but I still thought it was important, because it sometimes seems like people forget this when blinded by someone’s hotness).

    Second, (@ mdavid), it’s not like overseas women are immune to being “like that”…. they have a female nature just as much as the rest of us. They might not have every quality that would be on the “like that” list, just as some of us American women won’t have every quality. But they’re fallen creatures too. That seems to be something that a lot of western men don’t want to believe. My cousin married a woman from overseas, and she left him as soon as she got her citizenship. And the fact that there are so many precautionary warnings out there show that she isn’t the only one.

    Third, also @ mdavid, it’s not that the man displays and the woman chooses. It’s that both have to choose each other. A woman can choose whatever man she wants, but if he doesn’t ALSO choose her then nothing will ever happen between them. It’s more that, a man chooses a woman, displays himself to her, then she chooses him. It’s a two way street there. You’re probably thinking “well, DUH…” but the first step is oftentimes overlooked, making it seem like a woman has 100% of the power to get whoever she wants simply by choosing him, when it doesn’t work out that way much of the time.

  2. mdavid

    FBNF, …it’s not like overseas women are immune to being “like that”…. they have a female nature just as much as the rest of us.

    Fully agree. However, here’s the deal. 1) Educated American men are seen as more wealthy than non-Americans, 2) American men have a reputation for being “chivalrous” few other nationalities have, 3) America is an empire, with all the thrill that follows (watch a 6’3″ tall blond American male wander around in Japan, and the female response), 4) Educated non-North American women are simply more feminine and desirous of marriage and provision, 5) Educated women overseas are much thinner.

    All this isn’t my imagination. I’ve worked among internationals for nearly 20 years, I have relatives who have married overseas. Japan, Europe, South America, China, Southeast Asia, it’s all better pickings. It’s not that foreign women are prefect, their not, they are just average. it’s that American women fat, spoiled, feminist, and generally terrible. These are merely facts. One can’t pick cherries in a desert.

  3. Pingback: Attraction, desire, chemistry, arousal, and marriage | Reflections on Christianity and the manosphere

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