I am a very lazy person, and that makes it hard for me when it comes to most things feminine, because being traditionally feminine requires so much effort: I don’t cook anything from a recipe, I never bake, I don’t wear make-up, I don’t decorate, I don’t knit or sew or do crafts, I put minimal effort into my outfits, and I dislike shopping with a passion. However, I don’t really have any traditionally masculine interests, either – I can’t be bothered about sports, I don’t play videogames, I don’t read comic books, I don’t hunt/shoot etc etc.
I am interested in some of these things, I have a passing knowledge of many of them, but I don’t really care very much. Because of this I sometimes find it hard to converse with women on either end of the spectrum (and with men, sometimes) because I am rarely passionate about the things they are passionate about.
This doesn’t exactly paint a flattering picture of this (young?) woman now, does it? But her response is only the catalyst here. What interested me more than her indulgence of the sin of sloth were a couple of the comments made in response to the post. Commenter Cadders left this:
Ummm…..craving leadership…..male leadership perhaps?
Tempest followed up with a comment of her own:
True, but what male leader wants to put up with someone that catatonic? I bet it’d take a crowbar to wrench her out of her chair
And here Tempest gets to something very, very important. Few, if any, men would be interested in trying to lead that woman to a better state of life. It would be a major investment of time, and probably money. And for what gain? What kind of personality do you think that this woman possesses? I imagine it isn’t particularly endearing. What we are talking about here is a total make-over for this woman- nothing else will do. Essentially, she has to become someone else entirely for any man worth his salt to want to be with her for the long term.
I’ve covered the subject of “training” a woman to be wife material before, in my post Some Assembly Required. In it I discussed what I could, and could not “train” in a woman to make her wife material. I also explained that I would, in fact, be willing to do that kind of “training”, and invest in a woman who shows potential. The thing is, I’m only going to invest in a woman if she makes it relatively easy and inviting for me to do so. [Edit: And I would only do so in areas where I am really just helping her change herself- like losing weight, for example] Dalrock’s metaphor of the Two Beaches is appropriate here, I think. A woman who makes it easy for me to “train” her, who doesn’t put up obstacles and fights me along the way? I’m willing to chance that. But a woman who turns this from a chore into a battle? Pass. [Edit: Not only would I not want to endure that kind of battle, but it would show she is beyond my ability to help/influence anyways.]
I mention all of this because the comment that Tempest highlighted reminded me of a young woman I worked with a few months back. For a while I considered whether I could, and should, “train” her towards being wife material. I knew she and I shared some similar views on life, and that she was a Christian. She did give off some Christo-Feminist warning signs, however, and that gave me pause. On the other hand I thought I could probably correct her in a relatively short time frame, and if that didn’t work out then I could always leave before having invested too much time and effort. I also had reason to believe she was a virgin. Of course, much of the reason for that is that she was quite overweight. Enough so to easily push her out of the acceptable category, at least as she was. What she had going for her was the fact that she still had something of a pretty face, which hinted at good genes. I suspected she would actually be quite attractive if she lose the excess weight.
Given all of this, I was tempted to “train” her up. I didn’t though, because she presented me with (to keep the previous metaphor going) an Omaha Beach like environment. Her personality was atrocious. She was extraordinarily difficult to work with, as she was flighty and controlling at the same time. She couldn’t take orders or follow them, and yet couldn’t lead at the same time. All in all, she thoroughly disabused me of the notion of trying to “train” her to be wife material. [Edit: Not only did I not want to “train” her, I knew that I couldn’t.]
As Tempest alluded to before, I didn’t [Edit: and don’t] want to put up with someone like her. There were simply too many barriers in my ways to make it worthwhile. “Training” her was a long-term project that I rationally concluded was a bad bet- I had no assurance of success, while at the same time I was assured of a high cost. A woman has to want to change, and be willing to change, in order for a man, or me at least, to consider “training” her to be wife material. That young woman showed neither inclination. In short, she didn’t make it worth the investment.