Reader Book Plug: A Christian Man’s Guide to Love and Marriage in the 21st Century

Today’s post is a bit of a break from my usual sort. I was contacted a few weeks back by a long-time reader of my blog, who wanted to alert me to the fact that he had created a book in response to his experience with taking the Red Pill. The title is “A Christian Man’s Guide to Love and Marriage in the 21st Century: Why Everything You Think You Know Is Wrong.”

A Christian Man's Guide to Love and Marriage

I was busy at the time, and so it took me a while to finally read through the book (which is actually quite short). It was a pleasant surprise: a good summation of manosphere teachings in a Christian context. While not perfect, it is certainly a far cry from other books like it out there, and so I think it deserves some attention and recognition. The author, Don Riefstahl, has provided a brief bio so that folks can understand where he is coming from and why he felt compelled to write the book. Here is his story:

My name is Don and I’m a happily married computer technician living in central Georgia. I was raised in a Christian home with both parents present and actively involved in my life. Like most young men raised in the modern church, I was solidly Blue Pill with a big romantic streak. My biggest goal in life was to settle down and get married, and I worked hard to prepare myself for this eventuality. I paid careful attention to what women said they wanted in a man and tried my best to conform to their ideal. I carefully molded my interests to sidestep traditionally male activities and, instead, became a Sensitive New Age Guy.

I began to read Christian books about marriage and attended marriage seminars to get a head start on the competition. In time, I saw myself as more evolved than those other guys. They were loud, they were obnoxious, and they *shudder* watched football. Heck, they were practically cavemen! I, on the other hand, was in touch with my feminine side and unafraid to explore my feelings. Yep, I was on the fast-track to the marriage of my dreams. All I needed to do was strut my stuff and the ladies would descend on me like a pack of starving wolves.

Only that’s not what happened. To my utter amazement, women consistently chose to date those masculine jerks instead of me. So I re-doubled my efforts and started to orbit most of the the young women I knew. I had learned from the books I’d read that the secret to a strong marriage was a solid platonic friendship, so I became good friends with the women around me. The FriendZone would surely be my ticket to marital bliss. Once they saw firsthand how sweet and sensitive I really was, I would be in like flint.

But, of course, that didn’t work either. Woman after woman would call me up at three in the morning so that I could rush over and let her cry into my shoulder about what a jerk her boyfriend was. Inevitably, she would end up telling me what a great guy I was and how happy I was going to make some lucky woman someday. Just not her and not then.
By the time I was 23, I was at my wit’s end. I had done everything I was told to do and it had gotten me nowhere. Alone and disenchanted, I decided that the problem had to be me. I came to the conclusion that I must be so inherently flawed that, despite all the effort I had put into preparing myself for marriage, I was just not worthy of love. This was the only answer that made logical sense. It simply never occurred to me that everything I thought I knew about inter-gender relations could be wrong. I had read books by reliable sources, after all.
A poster Don created before he took the Red Pill

A poster Don created before he took the Red Pill

In the interest of brevity, I will end my narrative here even though there is plenty more to tell. Suffice it to say that a crippling case of Oneitis, nearly marrying a woman I didn’t love just to ease the pain of my loneliness and consuming copious amounts of pornography all contributed to a life of deep and unshakeable depression by my mid-20’s. There were times when I seriously considered suicide as a viable option because the pain was so hard to bear.

Thankfully, this story does have a happy ending. I am, as I said before, now married to a wonderful woman and finally living the life I always wanted. The Red Pill has played a huge role in all of this, not only in shaping my current life but also in healing the wounds of the past. I now realize that most of the pain I experienced was due to my incorrect assumptions about what women were attracted to, and not, as I believed for so many years, because I was inherently unlovable.

Which brings us to the book. My life may be on the right track now, but I know that there are other men out there who are in the same position I was in just a few short years ago. They need the Red Pill desperately. The problem is that the Manosphere is an ongoing conversation between many writers and not an organized archive of information. When I first discovered it in late 2011, I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of things to learn and the disorganization inherent in such a system. I felt like I was seated at a table heaped high with thousands of puzzle pieces, trying to put them together without knowing what the picture was even supposed to look like when it was done. I dug through the archives of dozens of blogs and pored over hundreds of entries before I really started to grasp the big picture.

When I finally got it sorted out, I realized that we really need a short book that covers the major bases and gives beginners an overview of the topics being discussed. A field guide to the Manosphere, so to speak. Something you could hand a young man who has no idea what the Red Pill is, that’s short enough he might actually read it and interesting enough that when he’s done he will will want to learn more.
Since no one else had done this, I decided to give it a go. A year later, the result is a 98 page summary of the Red Pill, written by a Christian man for Christian men. It’s short, bitter, and politically incorrect. That means you’ll probably never see it in a Christian bookstore near you. Nevertheless, it’s full of truth that will hopefully lead young men to a better understanding of their own masculine nature and the God who created them that way.

Don’s book is named “A Christian Man’s Guide to Love and Marriage in the 21st Century: Why Everything You Think You Know Is Wrong.” You can purchase it from Amazon here. Hopefully other members of the manosphere will follow suit and write their own books on their experiences, as well as guides for men and women. I know that I sure could have used something like this a decade (or two) ago; my life would likely be very different now if I had been exposed to the truth at a much younger age. Hopefully Don’s book, and those that follow, will enable the upcoming generation to avoid the pitfalls that I and those like me have experienced.


Filed under Attraction, Christianity, Courtship, Marriage, Men, Red Pill, Women

11 responses to “Reader Book Plug: A Christian Man’s Guide to Love and Marriage in the 21st Century

  1. mdavid444444

    Ouch. This may be unfair, but I could never read a book by any man who was ever as beta as this review implies the author once was. Feels like a violation of natural law that no man could fully recover from. A man without dignity is not a man.

  2. Hm, this seems like something I would get my brother. The only thing is he doesn’t like to read unless it is on a screen so, I’m going to check if they have this on e-book.

  3. Hi donalgraeme, thanks for the book review – I’d seen this guy’s intro over at Sunshine Mary’s several months ago and wondered what would come of it…
    Sounds good!

    mdavid444444, this book sounds like a ‘what not to do’ even down to the title. Seems to me that a reformed thinker would be exactly the right person to hand out such advice. The sexed-up Alpha types aren’t even going to be aware of the average guy’s plight – much less be able to pass on a usable map with directions 🙂
    And the author doesn’t seem to be without dignity – more that he desired knowledge, was smart enough to learn, but wasted many years learning the wrong thing and is now wanting to help others not make the same mistakes… To me this is admirable.

  4. Well, it wasn’t so much a review as a plug Hannah. I will probably write a quick review later though and attach it to this post.

  5. Pingback: Check Engine | Donal Graeme

  6. Jzb

    Kindle edition pleeeaaaassee!

  7. Pingback: Progress | Dalrock

  8. I also was contacted and read and liked his effort. Im remiss in not having said so openly

  9. Gabriella

    Why wouldn’t it be found in Christian bookstores?? No offense, but I don’t think it had anything to do with him being “in touch with his feminine side”, but maybe the fact that he had no sense of identity along with being desperate that kept him from finding someone. He got discouraged when he was what only 22 or 23??? He was in quite a hurry, that cries of insecurity… and women who do date jerks are just not intelligent, or very insecure or most likely wounded worldly girls or shallow Christians. Maybe he should’ve had a little more faith and trusted God for a spouse. My fiance isn’t a jerk at all, he’s kind, loving, not loud or abrasive, although he can kind of need a mommy too much I’ll admit, but he doesn’t care for football at all and I love that!! Ugh, I could never be with those kind of guys it honestly disgusts me (no offense, football isn’t innately bad I just don’t like the stereotype that normally goes with it). It’s true, I can’t stand those so called “alpha-males” who like to act so stereotypical and always watch football and all that bologna because being a man is more about the strength of a man’s heart than his body and that means he is like Jesus! It’s the inner qualities that’ll attract a good woman, if you want a shallow woman, be a stereo-typical shallow dude, if you want a great woman, be a great man. Where do you find a guide for that? The life of Jesus 😉 I love men who pray and are bold for God and holiness and are humble, that’s hott!!and believe me I’ve had my share of people who thought I was there wife so I’m quite picky and was very sought after

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  11. Pingback: Book Review: A Christian Man’s Guide to Love and Marriage in the 21st Century by Don Riefstahl | The Society of Phineas

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