[Ed: This post has been updated. See the bottom for the update.]
Something which struck me in my last post, Some Assembly Required, is that while I (and those like me) will likely have to “train up” a woman to fit my (our) criteria for a good wife, I (we) must be ready-made myself (ourselves) for this to begin. In order for the process talked about in that post to work at all, men have to be actualized masculine man beforehand.* When you think about it, how is this not the Feminine Imperative at play? Stop and think about what was discussed and now try to explain it in stark, raw terms. It would look something like this:
High-value or potential high-value man invests time and resources in woman who is presently not suited for marriage, with uncertain results.**
Can anyone imagine that this scenario would ever be reversed successfully? That is, you have high-value women who invest time and resources in men of questionable value with uncertain results. Does anyone see that working more than once in a blue moon? In fact, doesn’t it sound like one of the more common refrains from the Christian manosphere? You know, “good Christian girls” chasing after bad boys in order to convert them and reform them? We all know how it ends: poorly.
Life is not fair, and circumstances like this are proof-positive of that fact. That God-fearing men have to carry on such as this only goes to show just how far we have fallen.*** And how much, MGTOW protestations to the contrary, men really do need women. Otherwise, why would we ever go through all of this trouble?
I’m going to stop now, because I’m just rambling at this point. But expect to see more incoherent posts over the next few days. Do not be surprised if some are quite dark.
*[Yes, I know that marriage is a learning experience, and that I will have to adjust my behavior as well. But it isn’t nearly the same thing, because that will come as a result of marriage, not as part of a process to make me worthy/capable of marriage.]
Update: One reader interpreted this post to be something of a “woe-is-me” lament. If others had the same impression, then I apologize. It was not my intent. Alas, this post was a victim to poor editing and content control on my part. I will endeavor to avoid such mistakes in the future. This post was not meant as a lament but as an observation. Several observations, really.
The first is that this process is not really one between equals. That is, a man and a woman who are equally unready for marriage working together to try and make each other ready for marriage. That wasn’t the process which I examined, or what The Woman Margery suggested. Instead, you have a man who is already (sufficiently) prepared/suitable for marriage finding a woman who isn’t and helping/guiding her to become ready to be his wife.
The second is that the reverse scenario doesn’t seem to be one likely to succeed. Sunshine Mary suggested that what I proposed was similar to women in the past marrying men whose final value was uncertain, and given the language I used, this was an entirely correct response. However, the corrected language (see above) makes it clear that the scenario is about a man suited for marriage investing time and resources in a woman who isn’t ready/suited for marriage at that time. The reverse is a woman investing time/resources in a man who isn’t ready/suited for marriage. That is far afield from the scenario SSM described. While the man’s value might be uncertain when a woman marries young, he was often still suited for marrage (in that he was raised by his parents properly). The actual reverse scenario is one that is generally recognized to be a foolhardy plan, at best. Certainly one that no one would encourage any woman to follow. And yet here we had people seriously discussing the scenario from a male-led perspective.
The third is the novelty of this all. It is true that a husband always needed to have some kind of leadership role over his wife, to the point of guiding her and correcting her. The definition of husband as a transitive verb from Merriam Webster defines it as : to manage prudently and economically. And so it has been, and will continue to be. But what Margery suggested, and I discussed, in the last post was something more. It was a man taking over a role that beforehand would have been the sole responsibility of a woman’s parents and extended family: making her ready for marriage in the first place. Grooming her for marriage, essentially. All without actually marrying her. While I cannot think of any examples of this happening in Scripture, perhaps I am forgetting one or more. So if someone does know of one, it would be appreciated if they alerted me to its location in a comment. But even outside the Bible, I am having trouble thinking of similar examples of this process being conducted in any other culture.
** I corrected it to fix the issue that Sunshine Mary spotted.
*** Sentence corrected to be more humble.