Market Failure- Part 3

This is Part 3 in my Market Failure series. There are two subjects which I failed to fully address in the last post on the subject, so I will try to briefly cover them here.  [I recommend reading Part 1 and Part 2 before reading this post. ]

Product Identification

Something that I know that is a real problem for men and women in the MMP is identifying a potential spouse when you see one. When I look across a room at a party, how do I know that the pretty girl I see on the far side of the room is wife material? I can make some educated guesses based on things like her clothing, the nature of the party, the individuals she is with and the like. But it is ultimately it is still a guess. If I really want to find out more, I need to spend time and effort (and possibly money, although in the long run time is more valuable) to try and learn more about her. Not an ideal process, and it is riskier for women for a couple of reasons. For one, time is against them in a way that it isn’t for men (because of the quicker decline in female SMV). Another issue is that if they gauge a man incorrectly they run the risk of being pressured into sex (which represents a serious threat to their MMV). [The extreme end of this is a violent man who will use force to get what he wants.] Also, women cannot count on some of the same markers that men can. For example, as a man I can use feminine clothing as a shortcut; a woman who dresses in a very feminine manner these days is more likely to be counter-cultural and thus chaste, as compared to a woman who dresses in a more masculine or slutty manner. “Masculine” clothing doesn’t provide that easy identifier.

Much of this confusion and difficulty comes about because the SMP and the MMP are effectively existing in the same space. Sometimes people might be operating in both markets at once, or they move from one to the other as their SMV changes. Either way, it complicates matters for those who are serious about marriage.

Hidden Costs

Something which several commenters brought up in the previous threads in this series is the problem of hidden costs in the MMP. What I mean by this is that when we are looking at potential spouses we don’t always see serious defects which might be lurking beneath the surface. Two examples which would be relevant and topical include a man who is a porn addict and a woman who is an Alpha Widow. Both of those individuals bring baggage into a marriage which could cause it to crash and burn. They both count as hidden because there is no easy way to know for sure if the other party has taken care to hide the problem (assuming that they even recognize it is a problem). Unless you can go through a porn addict’s complete browser history (and credit card history too) you may not be able to discover their addiction. Unfortunately, this addiction being hidden might mean that the addict’s future wife doesn’t realize her husband has sexual dysfunction issues until after they are married. At the same time, how can you tell if a woman is an Alpha Widow or not? She can have an N of 1 and still be an Alpha Widow. It only takes one, after all. A woman with an N of 5 or 10 might be safer than a woman with a much lower N, all of it depending on the strength of the bonding. There are several women in these parts who managed to escape Alpha Widowhood despite having relatively high Ns. And they seem to be attracted to their husband despite these difficulties.

These hidden costs or latent product defects all have a negative effect on the MMP. They can make people hesitate when they find what they believe to be an otherwise good product. Or they can induce people to not even enter the market at all (more likely for men at this point for women).

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17 Comments

Filed under Marriage, Red Pill

17 responses to “Market Failure- Part 3

  1. For the first, I usually bring up issues I find that will quickly suss out how interested she is in marriage. Does she cook? Has she demonstrated any ability to educate children? (looking for home schooling, so yeah, she should be able to do that). Does she follow my lead on small things, which lead to larger things? (One way that I reward women with attention is have them give me their hand and then twirl them when they wear something especially feminine and modest. If they can’t follow simple things like that or getting me a drink when I ask without raising a fuss, I NEXT them). Does she go out of her way to give warmth and charity to her friends?

    Those are fairly easy and quick to suss out without even having to get into dating, one on one situations. They save me a great deal of time investment, but aren’t so narrow that all the women you meet will be thrown out.

    As to the second…. A simple way is that if she constantly seems to be judging your performance against someone or something elses, she’s an alpha widow. I know females that are alpha widows to gay men and alpha widows to Jesus Christ, but are very much virgins. A woman doesn’t even need to have sex to be an Alpha Widow, she simply needs to have someone she judges to be better at giving her the commitment, romance, and emotional rollercoasters she needs.

  2. Hannah

    Another great post donalgraeme….. Thanks 🙂

  3. I found these three series of articles very insightful. I find it interesting that your advice on shorter men would be helpful and, I talked to one today whom offered me a protein shake after my workout. He seems promising but, I am going to be careful when dealing with him. I’ll see him again on Tuesday when the bootcamp sessions start up.

  4. Thanks for the compliments. Best of luck with yours efforts.

  5. I agree with you and it seems you and Cellogirl have the same idea when it comes to men. I recently wrote an article “Does owning a piece property bother men” she seemed very insightful on that matter because she was telling me based on the area, men have different viewpoints based on what is the social norm.

    It seems in different locations the marriage market has different effects based on what a person looks for, It seems my area is the pits with the STI’s and STDS rating getting higher. The news tonight talked about how high its getting in my county Guilford County, NC it beat the national average by 65%. Its concerning and It does not look good here.

    I am starting to turn my focus on to other counties that are in the neighboring areas.

  6. jack

    Donalgraeme: “Dear Lord, Please send me a spouse”

    Jesus: “What about that girl I just arranged for you to meet? You know, the one who takes My Word very seriously?”

    Donalgraeme: “But she isn’t Catholic”.

    Jesus: “Neither am I. Your point being?”

    Donalgraeme: “It just wouldn’t work”.

    Jesus: “Check my Word. It says I will need your needs according to my riches in glory. It doesn’t say I will give you spouse that validates your theological preferences.”

    Donalgraeme: “I’m confident that my theology is sound.”

    Jesus: “I see. I suppose it never occurred to you that I may have intended her for you, so that you both would learn things from each other and see where you were lacking understanding with regard to My will and My Word? Or are you restricting me to your preferred conduits of wisdom. I think some of your manosphere associated would call that credentialism. If you will receive blessings through me only through channels that you deem appropriate, so be it. Please understand that I am the head of this body, though, and I am not going to have terms placed on Me.”

  7. ‘A woman doesn’t even need to have sex to be an Alpha Widow, she simply needs to have someone she judges to be better at giving her the commitment, romance, and emotional rollercoasters she needs’

    I agree with this point. I was dumped by my virgin girlfriend (belonging to same church, not same place) on my 22nd birthday due to – what I later learned – my excessive beta one-itis desire to get married NOW! (Heavily virgin Christian)

    I didn’t want any romantic relation to her non so ever after this, and began dating someone else almost immediately. She obviously began to show interest wanting me back, and I utterly refused on several occasions.

    Almost 6 yrs later, I’ve learned that she still is an ‘alpha widow’ virgin, following an honest and open three way discussion between her, my wife and I about what had happened to us. She had compared me to all men she had ever dated since then, and no one had quite fit the bill.

    This was caused by her not understanding that she can make her man her leader through submission. We shared our new-found knowledge, and I can happily state that one-two weeks later she has found a good prospect for marriage, and she’s completely in love! We’ll see how they fare, but she has definitely swallowed the red pill of submission! Yay for them!

  8. @jack – before you claim to speak for Christ, read what Scriptures say about being unequally yoked. I would submit that agreement in doctrine is one thing anyone who takes their faith seriously would have to have. Otherwise you have division in the house right off the bat, and that’s never good.

    Your serious of sanctimonious examples also left out the “possibility” that this was a test for both of them, to see if they were “hot”, “cold”, or “lukewarm.”

  9. @ Mr. Darlings

    I don’t think that Alpha Widow is the right term for that situation. It really is only appropriate a descriptor when there is the emotional bonding which follows a sexual experience for the woman. I’m not sure what to call that phenomena at the moment, guess I will have to think on it.

  10. jack

    Northern-

    You squeak like a Calvinist. They are always so quick to white-knight for the Lord.

    I like listening to Calvinists and their ceaseless parroting of “God is sovereign”, as though somehow if they stopped saying it, it would no longer be true.

    If you’re not a Calvinist, then I would seriously consider checking it out if I were you. You’d love it.

  11. A Northern Observer

    @Jack – Calvinist? Moi? LOL! I’ve been to reformed churches – NoThanks!

    I find it interesting that you wrote this:

    I like listening to Calvinists and their ceaseless parroting of “God is sovereign”

    after writing this:

    Please understand that I am the head of this body, though, and I am not going to have terms placed on Me.

    In other words you’re saying “God is sovereign” after complaining about Calvinist’s saying that.

  12. nitouken

    @A Northern Observer – Reformed = Calvinist. Calvinist =/= Reformed. I say this as a reformed (note the lower case R – I would more accurately be described as Molinist these days) nondenominational Calvinist.

    @Jack – The thing that most astounds me is the lack of clarity you have in your insight. While it may be that Donal was being presented with an opportunity for spiritual growth, there is no reason that the path to growth had to be “marry THIS one”. It could just as easily have been “Can you walk away from someone who you know isn’t right for you in only one important regard?”

  13. A Northern Observer

    @nitouken – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calvinism says Calvinism = Reformed.

  14. Pingback: Lightning Round – 2013/09/04 | Free Northerner

  15. nitouken

    @A Northern Observer – Under that aegis of definition, then yes, the two are equivalent. I’m not a fan of defining church tradition by theology, though, and I think it is overly simplistic to equate the two. Calvinism is a theological stance, which is often held by people who are decidedly not Reformed. Reformed is a church tradition, which requires that its adherents espouse Calvinism. I don’t really have a dog in that fight, though, so I don’t care _that_ much.

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