This post is a sequel of sorts to Attraction versus Desire, wherein I discussed the difference between the traits that men and women are attracted to in the opposite sex, and those traits which men and women find desirable in the members of the opposite sex they are attracted to. This post is going to include a brief explanation of what I look for in women, in terms of both attraction and desirability, although the latter will receive most of my focus. Then I am going to invite some of my male readers to leave their thoughts on what they look for in women as well. My female readers are free to ask questions about anything, of course.
Here is what I briefly wrote in my previous post about what I find attractive in women:
1) A feminine, symmetrical face
2) Healthy, unblemished skin
3) Long, lean legs
4) A waist-to-hip ratio somewhere above .6 and under .8. [The thinner the woman, the more she can get away with a higher ratio.]
That was an abridged version of the things which attract me. Some other things which attract my attention:
A) Long, healthy hair (I prefer shoulder length or longer, although longer than the waist is probably too much)
B) An ample bosom (and I should mention that yes, there is such as thing as too big here)
C) A shapely posterior (squats are your friends ladies)
D) A good, healthy body fat percentage. For women I find that to be in the 20-30% range, with a preference closer to 20% but a more well endowed woman is able to get away with closer to 30%. (A good article on the subject for both men and women can be found here. The pictures for the women are especially illustrative while still tasteful)
Before anyone tries to point out the obvious, I acknowledge that few women can really meet all of these criteria. That doesn’t mean I’m not attracted to these features, however. Attraction from men to women is ultimately about beauty, and beauty is about perfection, something human beings inherently lack. Most of these features are outside of a woman’s control, save perhaps through surgery. But given the obesity problem in America now, and the general lack of attention much women pay to themselves, simple measures to control your weight can make a huge difference for women.
At this point I suppose I should mention that there are certain combinations of features which appeal to me more than others. The word “archetype” is perhaps appropriate here. For example, one archetype (among many) that appeals to me is a woman with a slender figure, creamy white skin and long dark tresses. Other men have their preferences in this regard, likely a combination of genetics and environment (culture, for example).
A short list which I provided before about those traits I found desirable in a woman:
1) Dresses in a modest and feminine manner
3) Sweet and gentle
I am going to reprise this list, clarify and expand on it now.
A) Devout- This doesn’t mean a fanatic, but it does mean someone who doesn’t go to church out of habit. Someone with doubts is ok, we all have doubts, it is part of out nature. But I am looking for a believer who is serious about her faith. As a Catholic, this means a woman who is a Catholic or will convert to Catholicism. I aim to avoid being unequally yoked or mismatched with my wife.
B) Chaste- I am looking for a woman who has been chaste her whole life. Sorry to the prodigal daughters out there, but this is non-negotiable (barring a divine command as was given to Hosea). There are a number of reasons for this, which I have expounded elsewhere and will address in the future. But they include protecting myself from divorce, assortive mating (my N=0) and incentivizing proper behavior, to name a few. See also Matthew 9:16-17.
C) Modest- This means modesty of dress and behavior. From my experience female flash usually indicates a lack of substance. When I see a good looking woman who is also dressed modestly, I usually take it as a sign that she is of a higher quality than most of her peers. See also 1 Peter 3:1-6.
D) Respectful- I can’t stand a woman who acts like she is better than me. In other words, a bitch. Such a woman I want to have nothing to do with. On the other hand, a respectful and considerate woman is someone whose presence I can actually enjoy.
E) Feminine- A woman who doesn’t shy away from feminine behaviors is very desirable to me. This encompasses a lot of traits, including a quiet gentle spirit mentioned above. All of them are thoroughly desirable, and help make a woman a “keeper.”
F) Industrious- The woman in Proverbs 31 is a perfect example of an industrious and diligent wife. What I am looking for in a wife is a woman who will be a net asset, someone who adds value to my household. Whether that means rearing and teaching the children, maintaining the home or working at whatever job I believe it proper and prudent for her to engage in, I desire a woman who can accomplish those tasks as needed.
G) Cheerful- I almost forgot this trait, but it is an important one. A cheerful woman, one who brightens my day… now that is something of worth. Even something as simple as a genuine smile and a warm greeting when I return home from work everyday would be valuable in a woman. Naturally no one can be cheerful all the time, but a woman who does her best to maintain a good attitude as much as possible is one I would want in my life.
H) Can Cook- [Ed: Somehow I managed to forget this the first time around] I’m not a bad cook, all things considered, and when I have time I don’t mind cooking for myself. But there will often be instances where I don’t have that kind of time. A woman who knows her way around the kitchen brings value to the table. And a woman who is a good cook and knows how to prepare a delicious meal for when I get home from a long day at work? Now that is desirable.
I) Intelligent and Curious- I enjoy having intelligent conversations, and if a woman can engage in one with me it is a definite plus. But curiosity is just as important, a woman who likes to learn and is eager to learn gives off a kind of “vibe” that I find quite endearing. Also, I tend to find that women with these traits tend to be more receptive of flirtatious innuendo. [Ed: Thanks to Ringmistress for reminding me of this]
This is far from an exhaustive list, so if any of my readers have suggestions on how to expand it, please leave them in the comments below.