Positive Feedback

I was walking about town today, and while passing a shop my eyes caught sight of something that caused me to stop in my tracks. Near the front of the shop stood a young lady acting as a greeter. That in itself was not what caught my attention. Nor necessarily was it the young lady herself. She was pretty, in good shape, and with a pleasant smile; but nothing truly exceptional. No, it was her clothes that caught my eye. She wore a nice enough blouse, but she was wearing a floral-patterned skirt that was eye-catching in its beauty and elegance. In fact, it was such a lovely skirt that I felt compelled to walk inside the store and let her know how much I admired it. I informed her that I saw so many women these days who wore clothes that made them look like a man or like a slut [Update: I didn’t use that word, but instead tramp and several other descriptive terms which made my intent clear], that it was a real pleasure to see a woman dressing like an actual woman. The compliment caught her off-guard, and it caused her to blush somewhat, but I could tell that it meant a lot to her.

As I walked out of the store, I realized that my words to her would more likely than not influence her decision to wear that skirt again. Indeed, she might even choose clothes similar in nature, in the hopes of garnering the same kind of positive response. Upon thinking the matter over it occurred to me that this is exactly what we men should be doing. If we want women to dress in feminine clothes (and we should want this), we need to make it clear to them that we appreciate it when they do. Positive feedback is important to try and establish good behaviors. Women hear so much fashion “advice” these days which is truly awful it is imperative that those of us who appreciate feminine women dressing the part encourage women to do just that. So I have adopted something of a new policy for myself: assuming I have the time, if I see a woman who is dressed in a pleasant feminine fashion, I will thank her for it.  One relatively easy way to make the world a better place, one step at a time.

Update: Lovelyleblanc7 reminds me that she wrote a post a few days ago which covered Feminine Dress. I would be remiss not to link it.

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29 Comments

Filed under Alpha, Femininity, Women

29 responses to “Positive Feedback

  1. A simple but accurate insight. I wore a particular dress the first time I met NSR in person, I chose it several days in advance, based on the compliments it got me from both men and women. I liked it when I bought it, but I began to like it more after I started getting compliments. If I saw another one like I’d buy it without hesitation. So I’d say you’ve got it right.

    And now that I know NSR likes it, I may never get rid of it.

  2. Glad to hear that my idea might have merit after all.

  3. If we want women to dress in feminine clothes (and we should want this), we need to make it clear to them that we appreciate it when they do

    I keep telling her how awesome she’d look in a French maid’s outfit, but so far she’s been pretty stubborn…

  4. I do hope you informed her that after you are married that it won’t be optional on her part?

  5. It made me really happy to read this post 🙂 I actually did a post on feminine dress a couple of days ago. You’re completely right, women just don’t know what to wear these days.

  6. She knew that going in. 🙂

  7. Thank you for reminding me about that post Lovely. I linked it at the bottom of the post.

  8. Anja

    That is exactly right. It’s how I switched from pants to skirts completely. I started because *I* wished to be more feminine, but I persisted because people appreciated it – not necessarily men only, but also my girlfriends. First they were just pleasantly surprised and would compliment me, always along the lines of “but I couldn’t because [insert excuse here]. Eventually, however, they started wearing skirts more often as well, and have since realized it is just as comfortable (if not more so) than pants for nearly every occasion.

    My point is that while male compliment are undoubtedly stronger, female compliments might do the trick, as well.

  9. embracingourfemininity

    “and have since realized it is just as comfortable (if not more so) than pants for nearly every occasion.”

    Absolutely Anja, I find dresses and skirts so much more comfortable. I wear jeans occasionally in the winter time but dress them up with a nice blouse and high heels.. and I will never be seen in sports shoes/sneakers unless I’m going to the gym. But even in winter I try to find thicker dresses to wear with hosiery as it’s just more comfortable and prettier.

  10. Im really really curious? What does it mean to dress feminine specifically? Are pants not feminine? Do men find it less feminine if a girl wears girly pants with a girly shirt? I would love to wear dresses if i could and look nice all the time. Is it wrong of me to like pants? I have two babies in diapers and have back trouble because of incorrect posture when lifting. Pants are very practically in protecting my privates while picking up bending over and running around, Plus it’s saves me lots of washing and stress if i’m not having to keep nice clothing nice ALL the time and having to wash more often than practical. Just a curiosity question.

  11. Donal, if I didn’t know better, I’d take you for a young, optimistic Christian man.

  12. Mrsdarlings,

    The answer to your first question is kind of complicated, but the next few are easier.

    I would say (and this is the opinion of just one man) that pants are less feminine that dresses or skirts. Even girly pants are not as feminine as a skirts. That is not to say that a woman can’t look good in pants. Depending on body type, some women can make them work quite nicely.

    As you note, there are good practical reasons to appreciate pants. Since I haven’t ever worn a skirt, I have no idea how they fare in comfort and wear to pants, so perhaps pants are more enjoyable to wear. I don’t know, and I don’t think I ever will. =)

    But in my own humble opinion, women look better in skirts than pants. Of course, if you are married, then it isn’t my opinion that matters, but your husband. You should dress to please him; this advice was offered more for the single ladies out there.

  13. @Donalgraeme: you are very welcome, thank you.
    @Mrsdarlings: I actually addressed all your questions on my post a few days ago, if you want, you can click on the link Donal provided at the end. 🙂

  14. I get it! Yeah, i’ll ask him more often. And I’ll request that he’s more honest honest. instead just appealing to what I want to hear, 😀 Thank you.

  15. Anja

    donalgraeme, I have another observation here. My husband used to love jeans on me. I started wearing skirts and dresses more often (he was fine with it) because it seemed more feminine and modest and in the end he liked it so much he much prefers skirts to pants on me now. Since skirts are not worn very often where I’m from (except mini skirts, which don’t count at all IMO) he had no way of knowing he’d actually prefer skirts to jeans. Is it possible that many men don’t realize they like skirts better than pants since they don’t see them worn very often?

    mrsdarlings, maybe you can show your husband several options by wearing different things (things he approves of, of course) so that he can learn what he likes best?

  16. Yup. I constantly tell any women that I make plans with they should dress feminine. I may or may not compliment them on it, dependingon if they fulfilled the spirit or the letter of the expectations I have.

    They eventually get the idea, and start wearing dresses without my explicit request. When they do this I will always compliment them at first. After a bit I compliment them when they are particularly aheadof the game.

    It works, and everyone comes out happier for it

  17. …does feminine dress really make that strong of an impression on men???

    I was always a massive foofy-dress loving girly girl (specifically fairy kei). I never realized my fashion style effected the way men treated me. I assumed guys were blind to women’s fashion (well, not counting the cheap tart “goodies on display” look. Men definitely notice that)

  18. It does for some men. Not all men. I would argue it makes an impression on quality men. Some of it might also be unconscious as well; we might act different around women dressed in feminine clothes without quite realizing it.

  19. Ah, that makes sense.

    I never had an issue when it came to finding a quality husband (…which is why I get so frustrated when Christian women complain about all single Christian men being fat lazy slobs. From what I’ve observed, the typical single guy in the church pew is a decent catch – attractive hardworking employed individuals).

    Does the average single Christian man rather remain single than date a low-quality woman (not necessarily ugly, just a poorly behaved unfeminine woman who dresses like a tart)?

  20. ballista74

    …does feminine dress really make that strong of an impression on men???

    It does. Even just a feminine manner will make a good impression (noticed a little bit of both yesterday).

    Does the average single Christian man rather remain single than date a low-quality woman (not necessarily ugly, just a poorly behaved unfeminine woman who dresses like a tart)?

    Speaking for me, yes, I’d rather remain single than date a feral woman. Much more than that, I’d rather be single than to date a woman that proves from moment one that she follows the Personal Jesus and the gospel of the Book of Oprah.

  21. ballista74

    Is it possible that many men don’t realize they like skirts better than pants since they don’t see them worn very often?

    Possibly. Or they just don’t think about it. I know I’ve always positively noticed any reasonable attractive woman who accentuates her femininity instead of showing an outward hatred for it.

  22. Speaking for me, yes, I’d rather remain single than date a feral woman. Much more than that, I’d rather be single than to date a woman that proves from moment one that she follows the Personal Jesus and the gospel of the Book of Oprah.

    Thank you, Ballista, for saying that. I intend to re-open my blog soon and write a post debunking a few of the ridiculous myths about Christian men believed by modern Christian women. I’ve noticed a lot of Christian women seem to think that Christian men aren’t single by choice. But I never felt that was the case. I suspect most single guys in church aren’t pursuing women in their congregations because they are turned off by their unfeminine and unChristian behavior. Instead of admonishing Christian men for not marrying, pastors should be advising Christian women to become better wife-material.

  23. Instead of admonishing Christian men for not marrying, pastors should be advising Christian women to become better wife-material.

    Amen.

  24. Nice opener. Compliments work well for any woman in any situation as long as it’s genuine.

  25. Its funny, I didn’t think about our previous conversation at the time, but I’m sure it influenced my wording. I wish that I hadn’t been on a time crunch so I could have talked with her longer.

  26. Pingback: motivationalhierarchy

  27. Pingback: Expect Femininity | On the Rock

  28. Pingback: Masculine Clothing- Is There Such A Thing? | Donal Graeme

  29. Pingback: So Apparently I’m Crazy | Donal Graeme

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